Back to reality

[Patf]

I wasn't sure where to put this topic, but here goes:

 I don't claim to speak for other british people in France, but for us, during the last 16 years we have had a very contented and peaceful life in rural France. However, I've always had at the back of my mind that we were hiding away from reality, and now we're coming down to earth with a bump.

The cultural changes here since 2001 are huge.

There are compensations though - mainly the language,and being nearer family. I think we have been very fortunate to be able to afford to make this choice of where to live in our retirement.

For various reasons we decided against applying for french citizenship.

Any views? (ie on 'the french dream' is only a dream.)

And ALBF has no need to reply as I know what he will say.

[Lehaut]

It does not matter where you are, its making the most of it, getting involved and realising life is moving on and you have to keep up with it.

We have been here for over 20 years in a country village where life moves slowly. Currently changing it all for life in a French city, which many would consider a backwards step, but it suits us.

The French dream soon becomes the French nightmare if you don't constantly work at it, as will any dream.

[lindal1000]

Are you now back in UK PaftF?

I think your experiences are not unique. I lived in Canada for two years..before the internet so my contact with the UK was limited to a weekly phone call and the papers that my mum sent. When I return to Uk I was completed culture shocked as it felt so different to what I remembered. If you live in a place then you adapt to those changes as they happen. In the 7 years since we've been in this part of France it's changed considerably..got busier, more cars, more shops, etc.and houses being built everywhere.

[YCCMB]

Weird stuff happens when you aren't in your native land for extended periods. I remember thinking it must be a bit like being sent to prison for a shortish sentence when I came back from one stint abroad to find there were several new coins I'd never seen before, among other changes. And that was years ago, when everything moved more slowly.

It was even a huge shock to go back to an area we used to live recently, with a vague thought that we'd like to move back there. It was as if the whole place had become another planet in a relatively brief 20 years. And that's a place only about 15 miles away from where we'd been living. I can only imagine how much more marked that difference must seem if you've been in another country!

[andyh4]

Having worked for a company that used a lot of international delegates (secondments) to instil a company culture around the world I have seen a great deal of reverse culture shock when the delegate and his/her family return home - and often after just 3 years. Certainly not just British, but Australian, American, French, German, Spanish as well.

[mint]

Yes, Andy, I remember your telling me some years back on here that, if I were to go back to the UK, I'd certainly have a culture shock.

Actually, I don't even have to go back, I just need to turn on the TV.  Can't seem to understand the language, especially the lastest slang words.  I have to listen carefully and might have to work out carefully what things might mean.

Years ago, when I went back to my old school, I couldn't believe what a titchy place it was and the playing fields were tiny and the bike sheds had become practically non-existent.  Strange how everything appears small when you go back as an adult[:)]

PS and oh, the teachers seemed ancient!

[woolybanana]

Nowadays bike sheds are taboo, dear, they are far too non PC

[BritinBretagne]

PatF, i can’t wirk out where you are. I presume you have moved back to the UK, is that correct?

[Patf]

I'm in England, husband arrives Monday PG. But we're virtually in limbo.

While in France we always thought we could depend on our small house in England for our return. And the rent has been very useful. But after the 2 months notice the tenants are refusing to move out. So we're living in temporary accommodation, moving from one place to another. And it's expensive. We're applying for an eviction notice which makes things very unpleasant. Husband offered to pay their removal expenses, agent found them another place,but no, they don't want to move.

As the saying goes " The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft a-gley".

In my more gloomy moods I think this is Fate's payback for our relatively stable years in France.

[Judith]

PatF, I'm sorry to read this.  I know that a similar problem can happen in Germany (I have a friend who had that problem too), but I didn't realise it could be the case in the UK also.   Good luck, but what a pain!

[idun]

We were in France for nearly 30 years when we moved back.

Did we have a culture shock............no we didn't.

So much had changed in France whilst I was there, that I simply expected the UK to have changed too, how could it not have done???????

Am I in agreement with UK friends about so much that they take as normal these days, no, as I was not with french friends, and yet some french stuff has more than rubbed off on me. So I often find myself mid channel, but I am perfectly fine with that and accept that my views are mine and je m'en fiche what others think about them. And some things here are not good these days, at all. But hey ho, some are very good.

And our outgoings here are far less than in France. And we can afford artisans here, people to come in to do jobs at prices we can afford, which, as we are now retired and for all we still do lots ourselves, is a great help.

Social life better too, beer is often, even usually, below £2 a pint around here, and sometimes only about £1.50, so OH is quite happy about that. And strangely we have found some good restaurants, which was a VERY hard thing to do where we lived in France.

And with this brexit lark, IF we move back to France because of our circumstances, then I would expect it to have changed. And would be perfectly OK with that too. Which seems that I am just the way I am with regards to all this.

And the weather.......... well you can stick hot summers, I had nearly thirty years of them, and the thought them let alone a heat wave fills me with dread.

My skin has been damaged and my hands look like a 90 year olds. I have to keep a careful eye on all the damage, wouldn't care, I NEVER sun bathed.

I am content with the weather where I live. It is what is referred to as glorious today, blue skies and sunny, and cold. Frankly we have not had that much rain here on the east coast, at least not 'here' precisely. We have had bad winters and some good summers since I have been back, although as I said, I do not give a fig about good summers.

Sorry about your locataires Patf, good luck with them.

[Gardengirl]

What rotten luck, Pat. A niece had a similar problem when she returned to London and gave her tenant notice. It took a long time to get a court order and ended up costing a lot, as when the tenant eventually moved out the whole flat was in a terrible state - filthy, with a lot of damage.

Fingers crossed that it doesn’t take too long to evict your tenants. Bon courage!

[woolybanana]

What access can you get to the house at present, for the purposes of checking the need for maintenance etc? If so, take photos everywhere in case the tenants either steal or trash your property, so they can be sued. Just being cautious.

[Judith]

[quote user="Gardengirl "]What rotten luck, Pat. A niece had a similar problem when she returned to London and gave her tenant notice. It took a long time to get a court order and ended up costing a lot, as when the tenant eventually moved out the whole flat was in a terrible state - filthy, with a lot of damage.

Fingers crossed that it doesn’t take too long to evict your tenants. Bon courage![/quote]

Likewise with my German friend.  Can only hope it turns out OK for you, it is amazing, how, just when you thought it could only get better, it doesn't.  All your friends are routing for you, even if there's not a lot we can do buy cheer you up!

[mint]

Oh Pat, what a lot of worry for you and your poor husband!  This must be the very last thing you need on your move back.

I hope this is sorted out soon and that all will be well and you can truly settle down again.

Bon courage!

[Patf]

Wooly - We've been advised not to try to go into the the house just now.

These tenants have been very good - paid rent on time (with help from the 'social'), kept the place clean and tidy for 4years+. In fact all 4 lots of tenants (all immigrants) since we left have been trouble-free .

Another culture shock today - we went shopping in the huge Tesco and M&S in Camberley - the massive size of the stores, and choice of goods, was overwhelming! The upstairs cafe in Tesco sells 'breakfast' all day. Big plates of bacon eggs tomatoes beans fried bread . Enough for 3 meals for me. A small coffee is 3 times of the normal expresso in France.

There's still a lot of money about in some parts of the UK.

[YCCMB]

It's a bit like IKEA. Massive breakfast, minimum cost. Mind you, is it any different to the eateries in the big Centres Commerciales in France where you pay very little and get frites à volonté? Many of my French friends swear by them for a cheap and cheerful meal if you're having to grab lunch on the go with a large family. I've never eaten in either those or a Tesco caff, although I've forced down a full English in IKEA cos the caff opens before the store,so if you get there early,it's rude not to. And with an IKEA Family Card, two breakfasts and free tea or coffee come in at about a fiver.

[Théière]

[quote user="Patf"]Wooly - We've been advised not to try to go into the the house just now.

These tenants have been very good - paid rent on time (with help from the 'social'),

[/quote]

Oops, that was the biggest mistake, letting to anyone on the social.

[Théière]

[quote user="You can call me Betty"]It's a bit like IKEA. Massive breakfast, minimum cost. I've forced down a full English in IKEA cos the caff opens before the store,so if you get there early,it's rude not to. And with an IKEA Family Card, two breakfasts and free tea or coffee come in at about a fiver.[/quote]

The first and only breakfast I ahve forced back up again in their carpark!  Think it was the powdered egg, scrambled egg that did it, disgusting much like their furniture.

[mint]

Pat, I mentioned your problem tenants to OH who, in his professional life, had to know about property and tenancy laws.

He said it was a perfectly common problem and that you just had to go through the legal procedures but also confirmed what others have said, that it could "easily take a year".

Don't know if that's any consolation, Pat, but it IS common and you WILL get your home back.

[YCCMB]

Each to their own, Teapot. I've been nothing but impressed by stuff I've bought from IKEA. And I don't eat eggs much, in any shape or form.

[EmilyA]

So sorry you are having problems Pat.

I spend about 6 weeks a year in the UK with my daughter and grandchildren and I honestly can’t say I feel any sense of dislocation. Driving up from Portsmouth I usually think “oh what a lot of English cars” and on day one I have an urge to say “merci bien, au revoir” in the supermarket, but then I adjust and pick up my English life.

I am sure if I moved back there are things I would have to get to grips with like “switch and save” ? but I don’t think it would be too hard. Traffic and crowds would be the thing I would dislike most, I think.

[NormanH]

[quote user="Patf"]Wooly - We've been advised not to try to go into the the house just now.

These tenants have been very good - paid rent on time (with help from the 'social'), kept the place clean and tidy for 4years+. In fact all 4 lots of tenants (all immigrants) since we left have been trouble-free .

Another culture shock today - we went shopping in the huge Tesco and M&S in Camberley - the massive size of the stores, and choice of goods, was overwhelming! The upstairs cafe in Tesco sells 'breakfast' all day. Big plates of bacon eggs tomatoes beans fried bread . Enough for 3 meals for me. A small coffee is 3 times of the normal expresso in France.

There's still a lot of money about in some parts of the UK.

[/quote]

the massive size of the stores, and choice of goods, was overwhelming

I think that might be a question of where you were in France.

French Hypermarchés can be pretty overwhelming too...

I do agree about portion sizes though.. I believe it is the same with glasses of wine in the UK.

I am extremely sorry to hear of your predicament but can only offer my sympathy and best wishes for a rapid resolution of the problem.

[Patf]

Emily and others - Maybe it depends on the kind of environment in France. We were in a very small, very agricutural commune, surrounded by small "paysan" farmers.  20-30k from nearest town.

Mint  - oh dear - a year? [:'(] But 6 months already.

[Théière]

[quote user="You can call me Betty"]Each to their own, Teapot. I've been nothing but impressed by stuff I've bought from IKEA. And I don't eat eggs much, in any shape or form.[/quote]

They do have some solid furniture but as I worked around so many new flats developments the amount of it I have taken to the various dumps is staggering. It's stuff that just doesn't move with people. Should be greatful as repairing it is a full time job but the owners won't pay as the items are cheap. Hulsta, like IKEA but better made.