Going to a french wedding?

[trees]

Sorry if this is in the wrong forum, I wanted it noticed, but couldn't see where else to put it, since it's not ME getting married.

We've been invited to a wedding of a French friend of 16 years, near Lille. He and his wife to be already live together, and have both been married before.

Firstly, it's at the local Mairie, so what sort of dress code? Suit? Tie? I have both but wear neither regularly[;-)]

Secondly, is a gift de rigueur, like in the UK? Don't want to cause offence, and if it is the right thing, can anyone recommend anything for a couple who already have a home?

Many thanks, Trees.

[trizzy]

I went to a wedding last summer at the Mairie's office and everyone was suited, most of the men wore ties and a few of the women were wearing hats.    Afterwards at the reception there was a box to put money in, which most of the guests seemed to be using.  However the bride & groom before the wedding had already told me that this is what they wanted to do as they already have their own home and everything for it etc.  I don't know if this is the 'norm' but would assume its pretty much the same as in the UK, so perhaps you  can ask them if they have a wedding list and they will tell you what they prefer and if they are going to be having a box.

[Gardengirl]

We attended the wedding of our son's school exchange partner. They have not been in contact for years, but we, the two sets of parents, meet regularly & we stay at their house each year on visits to France. The young couple had lived together for several years, owned a small flat and had a young son.

Most people dressed very smartly, although there were not many hats worn. We had been specifically told by the parents not to take a present, as our attendance would be an honour for them. However, we took a small carving done by someone whose work we buy for ourselves; light, modern, small and didn't cost a fortune. There was a fancy box on display at the reception, into which everyone put envelopes containing money. We were told that the money would be used to pay for the honeymoon.

We were later told that this is also a way of paying for large numbers of people to attend weddings; people in effect pay their way. Seems a sensible idea; is this so?

Jo

[Jill<br><br>Jill (99)]

We've been to weddings of a few French friends, but there has always been a huge variation in what people have worn.  It depends on the family really.  The women all seem to dress up, but I've seen men very casually dressed.  I would think it may also depend on what sort of reception.  Three of the weddings I attended were in one family - 25 years apart.  All were in rented halls.  The first was catered by the groom and his friend who were both chefs in the French Navy and we all mucked in to help.  I can remember being out in the garden late the night before cutting fruit for the biggest fruit salad I have ever seen - in a barrel.  The second wedding they had caterers in and the third - the groom from the first wedding did the catering for his daughters wedding with his work colleagues.  These were all casual family affairs with a huge number of guests.  The other wedding was more formal with a restaurant meal with close family and special friends.  Everyone was smarter.

That couple had also been living together and the wedding list was at a travel agents - we could buy air miles, pay for a night in the hotel, a restaurant meal, flowers, limo from the airport etc for their honeymoon.  We paid for them to go to a restaurant.  When we went to the two more recent weddings in the other family, we were told that money would be preferred. I asked a few French friends for advice and one said that she considered the norm to be to think how much the meal was going to cost and multiply by how many were going from our family.  She suggested 20 euros each, and as there were four of us, I gave 100 euros.  But now, I wonder if it was enough.  I hadn't been to a wedding in England for about 20 years.  Times have changed since I got married nearly 30 years ago when people would give a utensil rack, an ironingboard, a couple of towels. 

It probably depends too on which bit of the wedding you are invited too.  At the wedding where we went to a restaurant, some people only went to a hall for the Vin d'honneur, so they were lesser friends - perhaps they gave less?  Anyway, as it was a French friend who gave me guidance on the money present, it's one possible guide. 

[Tourangelle]

At the French weddings I have been to they have always specified, gift, money, list etc.  Perhaps this will arrive at a later date?  As for clothes, again it varies, my BIL got married last year and it was an extremly small wedding, and they requested informal wear, and it was just at the mairie with a meal after.  Do you know anybody else who is going who you could ask?

[trees]

Solved the gift bit: Iasked J-P if they were having a "liste" and he said no, but a box for the honeymoon, so as someone already posted.

However, I ALSO asked him about dress code, and he replied that men at French weddings are expected to wear kilts and women, trendy underwear[:$]

He has always had a strange sense of humour...........

[BIG MAC]

I wore a kilt to my wedding and the lady wife's underpinnings were quite fetching!....cripes the Auld Alliance must be strong....I thought I was a Scot and it turns out all these years I have actually been French.....sheeeesh