adapting

[Kali3]

I know it will vary from child to child and school to school, but how long, in your experience, might it take kids of 11 and 13 to start to enjoy life in France, and stop mourning their old life and friends? Don't want to ruin their lives... Academically, they're doing well in the UK, but I think it would be a huge knock to their self-esteem to find themselves bottom of the class and unable to communicate. The younger one in particular is dead against a move, but you wonder whether 6 months down the line he would actually be fine in his new life. Difficult decision!

[fulcrum]

My son was 15 when I decided on our first foray to France in 1989. He was thrown into a French school and I hated myself at the moment that I threw him onto the school bus but he has subsequently passed his French in UK at A, A level and the went on to graduate from Norwich university. He then went on to work for the European Union in Bruxelles.

I'm still not sure if I did the right thing all those years ago but as long as you support them then they will be OK.

[Kitty]

Kali3: the way that I did it was to rent a house during the winter (cheaper and easier to find) and put my four children (then 14, 13, 12 and 6) into a private school for three months to see how they got on.  (Private schools are very cheap in France by the way.)  I judged that if it didn't work, at least they would return to England with a better chance of a French GCSE.

However, the experience was so good that I then bought a house (sadly in a different area as I couldn't afford house prices in the original area) and the children are going full time from September.

The self esteem was no problem whatsoever.  The children were the centre of attention, which they adored.  They developed friends easily because everyone wanted to practice their English and French parents wanted their children to develop their English as well.  They were not bottom of the class either and of course, in English, they were top!

As for (not) losing their English friends, over the two years that they left their English schools, they have kept their best friends.  The not-so-close friends fall by the wayside but they have all kept at least two real good mates with whom they correspond, text, e-mail etc.  Every time we get back to the UK, we make sure that they see their friends and we have special treats for them (I had to endure a Westlife concert, for example, while I chaperoned one of my daughters with her best friend).

You will need to think about what qualifications you want them to end up with.  If they are academic, the Bacc is not an easy exam but has a world wide reputation.  If they are technical/practical, there are amazing opportunites post 15 in France - one of mine, for example, is going to an ecole professionnel to learn to be a chef.

I hope that this helps and that others can contribute as well.

[tetley]

my two children are alot younger than yours 10 and 8.  So, they are at primary school level.  They have been going to french school since september 2005.  It has been very hard, but i am extremely proud of their achievements so far.  My youngest has found her feet and is starting to do well...but they are both redoing their year in september.  My oldest has found it very tough, but has a good positive outlook and attitude.  He seems to be liked, but the language has been a barrier at playtimes..i know football is a universal language, but my lad isn't into football at all and just joins in to have fun....otherwise he would be with his sister all the time and her friends (in a few years i am sure that may happen anyway!!hee hee) The two children are amazingly close now, and play brilliantly together.  At my daughters level at school, she will develop with her peers, but my son is coping with maths well, but everything else will have to wait until he can master enough language to be able to take in any of the lessons....and don't forget they have a different history to us over here!

We deliberately didn't go back to england until feb (arrived in france in june 2005), and the children caught up with all their old friends and spent a lunchbreak with their old classmates.  They had been mourning all their old friends until then....however, since our return I have been the one pushing them to keep in touch with their friends.  In a way I think it made them realise that they have moved on from their old lives, but they aren't old enough to understand!  We also visited our old neighbourhood, so they could compare what they had then and what they have got now.  In general they are very happy with their lives here, and we are going to finally succumb and get sky installed, because the music here is not what it was!! so they can keep up to date with mtv etc.  but hopefully won't fall back into bad habits of watching simpsons while eating dinner on our laps!! we have so much more time with each other now, the days are very long due to the lovely weather we are having at the moment, and it doesn't get dark until nearly 11 o'clock! (thankgoodness for shutters!).      You have to be very positive all the way, and if your children have got a good attitude and are willing to at least give it a go for say a year, you will, if you decide it isn't for you afterall, you have all at least had a very different experience for that year than you would have had?..sorry waffled on a bit!..good luck, don't forget it is your childrens job to make life more challenging for you!!

[Kali3]

Thank you, everyone, for your advice/experiences. It's good to hear some positive experiences, even with the older age group. We don't plan to sell up here in the UK and have an open mind about the timescale - it could be a year, could be three, could be longer, depending on how things turn out, and mindful of good points at which to reintegrate into the UK system (i.e. not Year 11), teenagers' wishes, etc. I agree that it will be important to stay very positive!

A couple of things I'm wondering: did your older children find the teaching style a bit formal (I hesitate to say boring...) after going through the UK system to that sort of age? And did they find French kids their age 'younger' than UK kids?  I'd actually be quite glad to get them away from the sort of pressures they seem to be under in the UK, so this would be no bad thing, but I wonder if your children commented on it.

[TheVicar]

Regarding the last two points that you mention, we came here about 15

months ago with 3 girls, the eldest at the time being 13. She was very

much against the move and it took around six months for her to settle

down. I think at that age the subjects in a foreign language are

obviously harder, having to learn words relating to  biology,

sciences and even Latin (!). She is mildly dyspraxic and is naturally

opposed to any changes, still has problems with writing French as a

result, but certainly enjoys the more relaxed approach to school. (Just

came home with the same form as last year, asking if we are agreeable

to letting her have the last week off as the teachers are busy with

exams for the older students, as well as greeting expected newcomers)

She frequently comes home early as she has no more lessons for that day.

Regarding the attitude to the teaching style, this is very difficult,

as it seems that teachers here are very much more independent, and

their personality and approach will be the deciding factor for your

children. Our one hates maths because the teacher seems to write the

lesson out on the board and just lets them get on with it. Very boring,

I would agree, and not the way to teach.

As far as the kids, she was a bit shocked at first with the freedom

they have. At first glance, they often appeared unruly in class, but on

the other hand they rarely, if ever,overstep the mark. Girls and boys

mix better as friends, with less pressure regarding sex, fashion,

music, etc.

The earlier point about giving support is all important, as well as

using this as a tool to keep an eye on their own commitment.Personally

I wouldn't go into the the French system too close to the BAC as it is

hard work for them once they get to 15-16 years old, and the changeover

at this point could be detrimental.