On This Day

[Furry Knickers]

In 1763, France gave Canada to the British. I think they were right ejits to do that,  If I owned Canada back then, I would have kept it just for the Husky dogs.

Also on this day in 2007 (despite the warnings) Furryknickers O'Toole, planted 2 Fatsia Japonica in terracotta pots in Upper Beagle. The consequences of his actions are yet unknown!

[kiss]

[Teamedup]

Funny you should say that as the only things I have planted successfully are pots and they have done very nicely for several years now.

And I'm not kidding. I can't grow anything to save my life.

[Cassis]

[quote user="Teamedup"]

Funny you should say that as the only things

I have planted successfully are pots and they have done very nicely for

several years now.

And I'm not kidding. I can't grow anything to save my life.

[/quote]

You planted some pots, TU?  [blink] 

[Teamedup]

Yes, that is what I said and that is what I did, broken amphora to be exact.

[Cassis]

So did you grow a Roman Bill and Ben? Billius and Bennius? [:)]

[Teamedup]

Ah you are funny, I didn't say they'd grown, I said I'd planted them, and they are doing very well, which they are. They haven't sunk or broken and only need a little wash every year, rather than watering to keep them nice.

[Cassis]

Have you thought about a little water feature using a pump to plop water through them?  Or is that too Ground Force? [:)]

[Furry Knickers]

Hey, Mrs Up, have you ever planted any banana skins? I remember when I was a lad back in Kildare, It was a lovely sunny sunday afternoon, and I had been to mass with me Mammy and me aunty Etty. On the way home we saw everyone in Leo Feely's shop buying sweets and cakes as usual after mass every sunday. I said to me mammy "I would love to go in there and buy a big banana one day"   Me mammy and aunty had a root round their purses and managed to scrape together truppence hapeny, they handed me the few coppers and said "go in there Furry and get yourself the biggest banana that owl lad has in the shop" I was overjoyed that at long last I was about to taste a banana for the first time in me whole life, and in front of all that crowd with their jelly mice and lemonade dippers! I went into the shop and picked out a lovely banana that I could share with me mammy and aunty, and then I could plant the skin to grow into a great big banana tree that would feed us for many years to come,  I asked the owl Leo lad "how much is that banana over there please Mr Feely"  he said "how much have you got" I told him I had truppence hapeny, and he said that was how much it would be! I handed over the money and held out me hand for the banana, and then the owl lad said "be off with ya, ya little rat faced gobsheen, yer mammy owes me two shillins for them 3 heads of cabbage she had last week and this will go towards her bill" I left the shop in tears with all the other kids laughing like hyenas.

 

[Unknown]

Why the name change FK?

[Catalpa]

"Fish Ears" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

[Tresco]

[quote user="Fish Ears"]

 I handed over the money and held out me hand for the banana, and then the owl lad said "be off with ya, ya little rat faced gobsheen, yer mammy owes me two shillins for them 3 heads of cabbage she had last week and this will go towards her bill" .

[/quote]

That used to happen to me all the time. At least you got to eat cabbages. In my mums case it was 60 Park Drive she usually owed for.

Note to self; steady, Tresco, or Miki will be here with his tales of cardboard boxes for every occasion. Shelter, furniture, birthday gifts, clothing, food...[6][:)]

[Cassis]

The

Players:

MIKI;

OPAS;

DICK SMITH;

CASSIS;

The

Scene:

Four well-dressed men are sitting together at a

vacation resort.

'Farewell to Thee' is played in the background on Hawaiian guitar.

---

MIKI:

Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of

risotto.

OPAS:

Nothing like a good glass of Château de

Chasselas, eh, Dick?

DICK SMITH:

You're right there, Opas.

CASSIS:

Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be

sittin' here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?

MIKI:

In them days we was glad to have the price of a

cup o' tea.

OPAS:

A cup o' cold tea.

CASSIS:

Without milk or sugar.

DICK SMITH:

Or tea.

MIKI:

In a cracked cup, an' all.

CASSIS:

Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to

drink out of a rolled up newspaper.

OPAS:

The best we could manage was to suck on a piece

of damp cloth.

DICK SMITH:

But you know, we were happy in those days,

though we were poor.

MIKI:

Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to

me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness, son".

CASSIS:

Aye, 'e was right.

MIKI:

Aye, 'e was.

CASSIS:

I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used

to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.

OPAS:

House! You were lucky to live in a house! We

used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, 'alf the floor

was missing, and we were all 'uddled together in one corner for fear of

falling.

DICK SMITH:

Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to

have to live in t' corridor!

MIKI:

Oh, we used to dream of livin' in a corridor! Would

ha' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip.

We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over

us! House? Huh.

CASSIS:

Well, when I say 'house' it was only a hole in

the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.

OPAS:

We were evicted from our 'ole in the ground; we

'ad to go and live in a lake.

DICK SMITH:

You were lucky to have a lake! There were a

hundred and fifty of us living in t' shoebox in t' middle o' road.

MIKI:

Cardboard box?

DICK SMITH:

Aye.

MIKI:

You were lucky. We lived for three months in a

paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning,

clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down t' mill,

fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got

home our Dad would thrash us to sleep wi' his belt.

OPAS:

Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake

at six o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of 'ot gravel,

work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would

thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

DICK SMITH:

Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to

'ave to get up out of shoebox at twelve o'clock at night and lick road clean

wit' tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at

mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us

in two wit' bread knife.

CASSIS:

Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten

o'clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric

acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission

to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and

dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.

MIKI:

And you try and tell the young people of today

that ..... they won't believe you.

ALL:

They won't!

[Bugsy]

  

[Furry Knickers]

Dear Dotty,

I have not been feeling meself lately, and I thought "Bejaney, I'm not feeling meself lately" So then I decided to change me name to something that was far more serious in it's conservations, and to get across to more people that fish do  have ears too! Fish ears have been neglected on this forum for far too long, infact, I can't ever remember the subject ever being raised during me time here!  why is that?

Dear Mrs Tresco,

I am sorry to hear about that, but did you have to leave your home and flee to County Kerry because you owed the shopkeeper for 3 heads of cabbage? Well thats what we had to do!

Dear Catalpa,

Me name change is only temporary, when I think I have raised awareness of fish having ears, I shall revert to me real name of Furry Knickers once more.

Please remember,  fish can hear us!

[kiss]

[Dick Smith]

        A country road. A tree.

        Evening.

        Cooperlola, sitting on a low mound, is trying to take off her boot. He pulls at it with both hands, panting.

        She gives up, exhausted, rests, tries again.

        

As before.

        

Enter Bugbear.

        

COOPERLOLA:

        (giving up again). Nothing to be done.

        

BUGBEAR:

        (advancing with short, stiff strides, legs wide apart). I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. All my life I've tried to put it from me, saying Bugbear, be reasonable, you haven't yet tried everything. And I resumed the struggle. (He broods, musing on the struggle. Turning to Cooperlola.) So there you are again.

        

COOPERLOLA:

        Am I?

        

BUGBEAR:

        I'm glad to see you back. I thought you were gone forever.

        

COOPERLOLA:

        Me too.

        

BUGBEAR:

        Together again at last! We'll have to celebrate this. But how? (He reflects.) Get up till I embrace you.

        

COOPERLOLA:

        (irritably). Not now, not now.

        

BUGBEAR:

        (hurt, coldly). May one inquire where Her Highness spent the night?

        

COOPERLOLA:

        In a ditch.

        

BUGBEAR:

        (admiringly). A ditch! Where?

        

COOPERLOLA:

        (without gesture). Over there.

        

BUGBEAR:

        And they didn't beat you?

        

COOPERLOLA:

        Beat me? Certainly they beat me.

        

BUGBEAR:

        The same lot as usual?

        

COOPERLOLA:

        The same? I don't know.

        

BUGBEAR:

        When I think of it . . . all these years . . . but for me . . . where would you be . . . (Decisively.) You'd be nothing more than a little heap of bones at the present minute, no doubt about it.

        

COOPERLOLA:

        And what of it?

       

BUGBEAR:

        (gloomily). It's too much for one man. (Pause. Cheerfully.) On the other hand what's the good of losing heart now, that's what I say.    We should have thought of it a million years ago, in the nineties.

        

COOPERLOLA:

        Ah stop blathering and help me off with this bloody thing.

        

BUGBEAR:

        Hand in hand from the top of the Eiffel Tower, among the first. We were respectable in those days. Now it's too late. They wouldn't even let us up. (Cooperlola tears at her boot.) What are you doing?

        

COOPERLOLA:

        Taking off my boot. Did that never happen to you?

        

BUGBEAR:

Boots must be taken off every day, I'm tired telling you that. Why don't you listen to me?

[Cassis]

The Scene:

London, 1892;

16 Tite Street, Chelsea: The residence of Mr Oscar Wilde.

Hansom cabs gallop past outside. In the drawing room, a crowd of

suitably dressed folk are engaged in typically brilliant conversation,

laughing affectedly and drinking champagne.

---

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Ah, my congratulations, Wilde. Your play is a great success. The whole of London's talking about you.

OSCAR WILDE:

Your highness, there is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

(There follows fifteen seconds of restrained and sycophantic laughter)

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Oh, very witty, Wilde ..... very, very witty.

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

There is only one thing in the world worse than being witty, and that is not being witty.

(Fifteeen more seconds of the same)

OSCAR WILDE:

I wish I had said that Whistler.

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

Ah, you will, Oscar, you will.

(more laughter)

OSCAR WILDE:

Your Highness, do you know James McNeill Whistler?

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Yes, we've played squash together.

OSCAR WILDE:

There is only one thing worse than playing squash together, and that is playing it by yourself.

(silence)

OSCAR WILDE:

I wish I hadn't said that.

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

But you did, Oscar, you did.

(a little laughter)

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Well, you must forgive me, Wilde, but I must get back up the Palace.

OSCAR WILDE:

Your Majesty, you're like a big jam doughnut with cream on the top.

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

I beg your pardon?

OSCAR WILDE:

Um ..... It was one of Whistler's.

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

I didn't say that.

OSCAR WILDE:

You did, James, you did.

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Well, Mr. Whistler?

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

I- I meant, Your Majesty, that, uh, like a doughnut your arrival

gives us pleasure and your departure merely makes us hungry for more.

(laughter and congratulations)

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

Yes, thank you. Right, Your Majesty is like a stream of bat's piss.

(gasps)

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

What?

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

It was one of Wilde's.

OSCAR WILDE:

It sodding was not! It was Shaw!

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Well, Mr. Shaw?

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW:

I, um, I, ah, I merely meant, Your Majesty, that, ah, you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around is dark.

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Oh, ho-ho, very good.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW:

Right. Your Majesty is like a dose of clap.

(gasps)

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

What?!?

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW:

Before you arrive is pleasure, but after is a pain in the dong.

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

I beg your pardon?

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW:

It was one of Wilde's.

OSCAR WILDE:

Wha-

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Well, Mr. Wilde?

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW:

Come on, Ozzy.

OSCAR WILDE:

Uh ..... uh, wha-, wha- .....

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW:

Come on, Ozzy, now, tell us all about it.

OSCAR WILDE:

Wha-, what I meant, Your Majesty, uh-h-h .....

(general heckling from the crowd)

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

Let's have a bit of the old wit then!

OSCAR WILDE:

What, what-

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

I'm waiting.

OSCAR WILDE:

What I-, what I meant was .....

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW:

Come on, Ozzy, .....

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

Give us a bit of the wit, Oz.

OSCAR WILDE:

Um, w-w-what I meant, Your Majesty, w-was ..... oh ..... (blows a raspberry)

(The Prince shakes Wilde's hand. Laughter all round.)

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Oh! Excellent! Excellent, Wilde! Very witty, Wilde.

JAMES McNEILL WHISTLER:

Nice one, Oz!

THE PRINCE OF WALES:

Can you come and do that up the Palace some time? Extremely funny, ha-ha-ha .....

[Teamedup]

FK, I've never planted bananas, but my husband has a fine banana tree/bush thing in the garden. He gave a cutting to a friend. And it grew and grew and grew it was about  almost 5 meters tall. We looked little little people stood under it. Ours has never grown that big.

Cassis, the way I have planted my pots, I couldn't have water going through them and I wouldn't want it to anyway. We already have a babbling brook type thing behind our land.

Cooperlola, have you ever spent the night in a ditch? I told my friend that I had slept on the grass one night. I was lying, so I added in a very unpleasant tone, I hadn't, but no thanks to her, I was very angry with her.

[Cerise]

Dear FK

I think this lot are rude.  I've just come in and seen what they have written and not one of them has mentioned fish ears.  I feel that the least they could do is recognise your overwhelming effort to get fishes' auditory perception recognised, but no they just blather on about poets and motorbikes and living in boxes. I for one am glad that you are concerned about the ears of fish - very few people including the sausage, Miki, Mr Smith, TU and others seem to take you seriously.  When I went to the UK I had haddock and chips for tea - I am glad to know that the haddock could hear us singing its praises.

I hope that sufficient people will recognise your efforts to enable you return to your previous name and erudite comments on life.  Where is that Mrs Animal?  I'm sure she cares about fish ears.

Love

Maggi

 

[Russethouse]

Cassis, What concerns me is that you seem to think Opas is male ?[8-)][8-)]

[Tresco]

I take fish ears very seriously, as Mr Nix knows.

[TWINKLE]

Bed!

[Tresco]

Hello Twinks. You are quite right of course. [:$]

I'll just fire off a private missive before I go.

[Cassis]

[quote user="Russethouse"]Cassis, What concerns me is that you seem to think Opas is male ?[8-)][8-)][/quote]

Nope, I would never make that mistake! Opas just came to mind for the sketch, I DKY.

[Furry Knickers]

Today in 1815, Naploeon (a French lad) decided to escape from exile on the island of Elba. He made his way to Tralee in County Kerry, where he wrote the lovely song 'Will Ye Go Lassie Go'  He foolishly left County Kerry and the rest is history! He might still be alive today if he had stayed in Tralee.

[Christine Animal]

Well there you go, I missed this thread, my fish ears didn't hear a thing.  I wonder if Napoleon planted pots, he must have done something to keep himself busy.  I quite fancy that idea, but I was wondering TU, how do you stop the weeds growing in them?

 

Edit : For some time I have been wondering what Beryl's avatar is.  Now maybe it's time to ask.  Is it a fish with ears?