Bye, bye, France, it's been great

[Chancer]

[quote user="Frenchie"]

My parents do, on " La fête des voisins" they organize a big apéro and nibbles in their local neighbourhood.

Everyone brings a  mixed salad / quiche, etc; something to drink, they put garden tables outside  and have their little do !!!

It s soon, by the way !

In the small village where I live, people still talk to each other, recently a man lent me his " coupe bordure", another one said I could get some wood from what he had cut I found that was really nice !!

I must be lucky.

[/quote]

If you are female, attractive and outgoing who needs luck?

[5-element]

 

Too right, Cendrillon!

Overall, the French do talk to each other and help each other. But you have to be one of their own, i.e. either a relative, or you have to know each other since school-days. If you are a foreigner arriving in a village, there will be initial curiosity, some envy (as a foreign retiree you will automatically be assumed to be wealthy - and so you may be courted for that reason - around here, you often get rather ripped off by artisans for whom foreigners are easy picking).  Every so often, as foreigners, you will also be seen as a kind of mascot, and a source of entertainment (although the novelty might soon wear off). As well, Every so often, you will encounter some genuine goodwill and friendly human behaviour - especially in small villages where it is crucial that all inhabitants help each other. But overall, if you don't speak the language well - and understand all the nuances - then you might well miss out and misinterpret what is going on.

Unfortunately, as a foreigner who is also a native French speaker, I "catch" some reactions I would, frankly, rather not understand. I also watch the news, read the papers, listen to the radio, have relatives in different parts of France,  and have lengthy conversations with other French people.

So, foreign retirees might like what they perceive in France, i.e. people talking to each other and helping each other, but what they fail to see is that they often only help their nearest and dearest - as Chancer pointed out, 15,000 people died -  most of them, ELDERLY and ALONE - in the hot summer of 2003. You do have to scratch the surface before making pronouncements based on very subjective, mostly uninformed perception.

[cooperlola]

Having met several native French people in rehab' who have suddenly found themselves housebound, Keni's experience is not generally what I see here in every village, as 5E so rightly points out.  I have a good friend who is wheelchair bound who has spent the five years since her accident either in hospital or stuck in her little country home with few visitors and a miserable g*t of a husband.  She freely admits that she was happier in rehab' than she in her own place. She was so lonely and isolated at home that she has now left her o/h and is living with a friend in the centre of Le Mans where she can now access more facilities/shop on her own and use the tram to get around.  I'm not sure that France is any more user friendly for the old and or infirm than any other country.  To my mind, the important thing is access - don't get yourself stuck in the middle of nowhere if you're unable to get around independently.  It can be no fun, however superficially friendly people appear to be, even to a native born local.

[mint]

Informative and very nicely put indeed, 5-e, if I might pay you a compliment.

[Russethouse]

Well here in the Uk, where my mother lives there is an excellent Day Centre with volunteers providing transport to and from. Every weekday you can get a lunch there, they also have an easy access Bath, visiting chiropodist etc. They have outings, someone comes and plays the piano etc. Its not out in the sticks but it is a village.

Care for the elderly is very patchy, a bit like the education system, some good, some not so.

[velcorin]

Totally agree with you 5E about the language issue. For example we talk English when out shopping. I never pick up on what is being said by French people behind our backs, it's too quick, or garbled, however almost on a weekly basis my wife will hear some comment directed at us in some InterClerc. Normally along the lines of "f*ing foreigners, they should all go home". She might be only 48kg and 155, but she's quite happy to give some of them a piece of her mind. Probably a bit of a shock to some of them, finding out she's French, and got all the slang/colloquial words[:D]

Having said that, she used to whinge about the hoards of French, talking French in the UK....................again, I never noticed them! Case of "pot+black+kettle"[:D]

[Gardengirl]

We bought within walking distance of our little town on purpose, and find it very good not to have to use the car unless we choose to. In fact, we could manage without one if necessary, although of course life is more pleasant with our own transport for trips out etc. Many elderly people in town have no transport other than the infrequent buses. We're all very lucky to have 3 small supermarkets within the centre, as well as twice weekly markets, more than a dozen bakers, a couple of greengrocers and plenty of small independent shops, plus many cafes and restaurants.

Where we nearly bought in a hamlet in the Drome, we wouldn't have had much in the way of such amenities, and are very lucky the place we loved so much was sold to somebody else! Having had poor health over the last few months, it's great to be able to walk on the level into town; I thought there were 6 benches on the 5 minute or so walk, and I've needed to use some of them recently. I counted them today on the way back from the market, as a neighbour doubted there could be as many as 6 - in fact there are 14!

The elderly seem fairly well catered for here; I know of some with home helps (not privately paid), and there are a number of clubs, including lunch clubs, available to all elderly residents of the town. There are also quite a lot of old people's homes within walking distance of the centre; these are council run, and the woman in charge seems to have excellent ideas, with a lot of activities going on, such as card and other games most days, visits from musicians, regular visits out etc. I was quite impressed, although one of my (elderly) neighbours complains that such things make the local taxes too high! However, she is wealthy, and many of these others aren't, and I'm pleased to see that the elderly can be independent without isolation. The deaths during the heatwave referred to earlier were terrible, and I think the facilities provided here are a good way of trying to avoid such a thing happening again. It gets extremely hot here in summer, and even locals complained about it last year. We go back to UK for July and August, and always planned to, knowing how hot it can get.

Very few of North African community are involved in these activities, although many of the men meet up by the war memorial each day, summer and winter, and take coffee at the nearby cafe. I only see the women at the market.

[5-element]

I forgot to say, thank goodness for people like Frenchie's parents, who are welcoming and manage to create invaluable little networks. Those individual efforts should not be minimized, as they do wonders to bridge the gaps in specific geographical areas. The repas de quartier I went to in Montpellier sometimes worked well, other times not - it depends where one ends up sitting, and how lucky and outgoing one is in establishing durable links.

Here, in a small town in a remote and rural part of Herault, on the surface, facilities seem rather similar to those described by Gardengirl. Again, one has to have the motivation to find out about those facilities and use them. For instance, in this 6,500 inhabitant-town(let), we have a Foyer for retired people. The Foyer was very sadly geriatric until a couple of years ago.  Then it was taken over by a very dynamic couple (coming from Paris, i.e. foreigners in these parts!). They rejuvenated the whole set up - now with all sorts of activities (classes, excursions, picnics, conferences, workshops and activities (computer skills, randonnees, keep-fit, ballroom dancing, knitting, library, crochet, ENGLISH, games, etc.). This is where I shot my first arrow in a bow and arrow workshop!

Foyer membership is only 12 euros for the year, plus a fee for the different activities. The interesting aspect of this foyer is that beyond its core of very local cliquey people, there are also newcomers to the area, who retired to the south. They come from various parts of France, but there is also the odd Belgian, or German, or Dutch - and a few Brits . This club for seniors has now as much as 400 members.  Various people live on their own, and cannot stand being home alone. The foyer provides an invaluable antidote to depression and loneliness for many. Some of the special events or outings are also open to the residents of the local old people's home. However, the foyer is not a universal panacea: there are people who just cannot be reached, and who would not want to participate in such activities - as well as those who can't for various reasons, who are not quite sociable enough, etc.

I was very interested to see the few Brits who are active in the foyer. They are usually well received, and efforts are made to accommodate them (where language problems arise), within reason. Not only does one couple teach English there, but another person teaches computer skills. This obviously is good for Anglo-French relations! Since a number of French people who are part of the Foyer are also people who are involved with social networks for the elderly, and it is good to know them personally since they are also the people whose formal help you would need in case of a problem. The crossover is very useful. Clearly, those people who manage to become part of the community, are those who really make the effort to join with a group, and to learn as much French as they can. They will always be in a little group apart (as they can never be French, just as I can never pretend to be a local who was born here and whose grandmother, uncles etc... are known by everyone there), but still part of the community.

It may be the luck of the drawer - obviously there are people who have got on like a house on fire with their neighbours and all the villagers as soon as they arrived - some of those relationships might even withstand  the test of time. But it is by no means universal.

[5-element]

[quote user="sweet 17"] 5-e, if I might pay you a compliment.[/quote]

I am lapping it up, Sweet, of course![:P] Thank you. Just trying to tell my side of a story.

[Chancer]

I do find that the where facilities do exist they are either geared up for or solely for retirees, my local AVF being a good example, nearly all the activities take place during working hours and never during les vacances.

It appears to me that one is not expected to have a life outside of ones close family in France between leaving school and retirement age which makes it a challenge for a single immigrant.

I can definitely identify with what Cooperlola said about the lady being happier in hospital than out.