Death and bereavement

[hannah jenkins]

My grandad died after a long illness and although sad, it was a relief because he was finally free. 6 weeks later my fiance was killed and had been reported missing for two weeks before we found him, he was nearly buried as someone else. Obviously that death was devastating to all that knew and loved him. We didn't love my grandad any less it was just that it was a release for him, whereas my fiance's death felt more like he had been stolen than. So of course it depends on the person and the circumstances.

[Fay]

Like Hannah and Just John I have lost my soulmate - a very fit, slim and (apparently) healthy 49-year-old who died of a heart attack when we were in the middle of fulfilling the dream of buying our house in France, five years ago.

And loss is absolutely what it is - I lost everything that was important to me on the day he died. So when people said 'I am sorry for your loss' it was fine by me - better than the people who stopped calling or crossed the road to avoid me because they 'didn't know what to say'.

And had someone said "I'm sorry Simon has died' it would have been acutely painful to me when my emotions were as raw as flayed skin.

His darling Dad was a tower of strength for me (both my lovely parents had died a couple of years before) even in those terrible circumstances of having outlived his son. Phoning him with the news was the second worst thing I ever had to do in my life.

But life goes on and is happy - as Sheila Hancock quotes in one of her remarkable books, "Its doesn't get better, you just get better at it."