[Golden Syrup]

Or rather "sirop de sucre roux" or perhaps even "sirop de sucre inverti". To be fair to the nice bloke in Le Clerc, he knew exactly what I meant, but he didn't have any in the store and had no idea where I might obtain any, even though (as we both agreed) it is clearly used a great deal in food processing. His best advice was to contact Béghin Say (suger refiners to the gentry), though he pointed out that I may be expected to buy it by the tonne. I only want a couple of kilos - anyone got any ideas? I'd rather not have to seek out imported Tate & Lyle since I'd rather not have to pay silly money for a basic ingredient. Advice on a source of molassis (sp?) would also be appreciated.

[picking up the language]

[quote]Opas, lots of other countries only start teaching foreign languages at that age too. When one considers how good some countries are at teaching english to older kids, it makes me wonder how they do it...[/quote]

Bluntly, the achieve good results in teaching English by taking language teaching very seriously, at least this has been my experience. I was taught French at school very half heartedly; the subject simply wasn't considered important. At most I received two hours tuition per week and this was concerned solely with passing exams and not actually with being able to speak the language in a non-artificial environment outside the classroom. I can only comment on the teaching of English in one town in the Netherlands and in Moscow, but the amount of time spent on English was between two and three times more than I received in French (a staggering proportion of the total time spent in class). Plus the students hear English in the world around them - pop music, subtitled English films commonly shown on TV, etc - how many French language films are subtitled and shown on British TV?

[Alternative (PC) Web Browser]

Firefox 1.0 was officially launched on Nov 9th. I use it as my default browser and have to say that if knocks lumps out of IE. I've encoutered no problems with compatability so far except with Alexa (Firefox blocks spyware pretty effectively it seems) which only runs with IE - so I'll keep IE as a backup.

Get it free at http://www.mozilla.org - I have no connection, but I think its great.

[Buying Habits of Europeans]

Without wishing to sound trite, I'm afraid it does rather boil down to being able speak (in this case) idomatic Dutch. I imagine that we'd probably give a similar answer to a French person asking how they could get well ranked on UK search engines without themselves being able to speak good English. As has already been alluded, there are Dutch sites that will provide translation of English langauge texts into Dutch, but in these cases the constituency that is going to respond to these is (generally) those Dutch / Flemish speakers willing to spend their holidays having to deal with three langauges. There are ways to get well ranked on search engines without having to part with any cash, but they tend to be labour intensive and frankly paying is probably a better option.

[Distance from boundary]

Might be area specific, but the regs here (to do with planning, nothing to do with the new laws, which as far as I know don't specify any particular distance) are that the water's edge must be not less than three meters from the property boundry (we added a meter to be on the safe side...).

[Europe/Turkey]

[quote]Hello I do not think we need any country which is predominantly islamic entering the eu. It is the road to disaster. Islam is causing enough trouble now, we do not want any more. Most French and Germ...[/quote]

I spent some time in Eastern Turkey in the days when the Soviet Union still existed. Turkey as a member of NATO was entrusted with the task of policing the SU's South Western border, and they kept almost million men under arms to do the job. I find it interesting that Turkey as a key member nation of NATO was accepted as practically a Western State (and their human rights record conveniently ignored) at that time and now is viewed as a potentially dangerous source of Islam and (its there in the subtext) nasty smelly migrants who will steal all our jobs. The Turkey I spent time in was a secular state, far from perfect, but with a hard working, easy going and generous population. They made beer - fairly terrible beer, granted, but it contained alcohol and was freely available. Their economic problems were the stuff of textbooks in how not to run an economy. And as for civil liberties.... It strikes me as rather a shame that rather than making attempts to resolve the economic and political issues that currently preclude Turkey's entry to the EU, a fair proportion of the political community seems bent on turning a friendly national truly into an enemy one.

[Mail on Sunday Property Section]

[quote]This is interesting to me - as we are hoping to re-locate in 2005 and running a gite / B&B is part of our overall plan. I havent seen the article - but as existing gite owners / business people, ...[/quote]

Coo - one thing?

Write a business plan. Write a very detailed business plan that covers as many scenarios as you can think of, and when you've done it, if the plan doesn't look feasible then perhaps consider whether this is the right move. A surprising amount of people spend months writing a plan, find that the idea ain't going to work, and then do it anyway. This applies to any business. But whatever you do, I would reccommend that you don't commit yourself to the ferry ticket until you have a comprehensive idea of what you are about to attempt.

That's my one thing, but... Gay and Miki make a couple of good points - if you are able to delay your move or move and rent for a while (never a bad idea anyway) then you might find some rich pickings in a couple of years. I'm no soothsayer but the slowdown in the UK property market coupled with the rise in the number of gite complexes on the market at the moment (at some very handsome numbers, I might add) could be taken to suggest that the wheel is about to come off the market in the kind of properties that might interest you.

[Mail on Sunday Property Section]

I cannot help but agree with the two replies above. Competition in this market is getting hotter, and, to be honest, I don't think its a bad thing. We heard a lot of comments before we moved out here along the lines of "gite holidays are a great idea but the accommodation was terrible, so we're doing an all inclusive to the Dominican Republic next year." An increase in the availability of good quality properties, I think, will overall make France a more attractive destination. Running a holiday accommodation business is just that - a business. If people think that they can succeed at it with no business plan, not bothing with serious homework, not learning the language to an adequate standard, etc then they are really only kidding themselves.

[Life expectancy]

[quote]TU, you may have been on holiday but I posted some interesting stats in the summer that gave French life expectancy in relation to profession. I suppose it's over simplistic to suggest the French mal...[/quote]

MJW - I saw a report about a year ago (not public - my brother had it in a profeesional capacity)  that broke out the Glasgow stats by postcode. In one region (I wish I could remember which part of the city but the little swine wouldn't let me photocopy it) for men it was down to 56 years. This was actually part of a more general picture across the UK - the report was concentrating on socially deprived districts of British cities. One of the conclusions of the report (which I found alarming in the extreme) was that the generation being born at the moment will have a lower life expectency than their parents, almost entirely due to diet and lifestyle changes. It was also pointed out that although complete data for all counties was not available, the UK was the only developed country where this appeared to be happening, though the authors were pretty confident that this would become a general trend. What a legacy, eh?

[complaint]

[quote]Hi My thoughts are that this chap did not give you the opportunity to deal with his difficulties in a reasonable way. If his problems related to the fact the he was expecting a 5* hotel and not a se...[/quote]

"It is also worth noting that his only recourse to compensation is through the french legal system.  As he sounds very well travelled, he probably speaks french fluently - not.  Therefore if he takes legal advice in the Uk they will tell him there is nothing they can do as he has made a contract in france..."

I don't think that this is entirely correct. I understand that it is very important in a commercial  contract to define which jurisdiction governs the contract. It seems that you are at liberty to deem pretty much any jurisdiction you like (though this does not, of course, allow one to break the Laws of the Land by claiming that they do no apply!), no matter where you are, but the use of English Law under the jurisdiction of the English courts is commonly used. In my previous career it was used pretty much exclusively (even, it is worth noting, between a pair of French companies). The reason given for this is that English law is pretty user friendly. However, I believe that if you do not deem jurisdiction, you can find it being imposed upon you. In this case, since the customer was based in the UK and (presumably) the agreement was in English then he might have a pretty good case to bring the affair before an English court. It is foolhardy to assume that being in France could protect one from civil action elsewhere.

[Importing furniture to france]

Ah, yes…how I remember the heady days, pre-1992. Upon my arrival in the Netherlands I had to have interviews with the customs (for possessions and car), the gemeentehuis (to register my status as a fully paid up member of the human race) and with the “aliens police” for almost ritualised abuse and instruction on my place in Dutch society (sub-cockroach).

 

Interestingly, given that everybody one seems to meet in the Netherlands speaks English and at least one other language, none of the officials I had to deal with seemed to be able to manage a word of anything else. [When I had reached an intermediate level in Dutch I found it very difficult to find people willing to allow me to practise language on them. My colleagues had ceased to find my attempts to learn their ghastly language amusing and I was far from fluent. My discourses where routinely curtailed after a few sentences when the person I was addressing simply refused to speak anything but English. After a while I started to pretend that I was Czechoslovakian, just to get language practice. This actually worked.] I later learned that they were feigning to make their jobs more entertaining.

 

The best fun was the aliens police. Take 80 kg of condemned meat, give it a Messiah complex and a uniform, et voila! Before I was shipped over, my employer had coughed up for a few basic lessons to help me cope with the first few weeks (“Don’t worry,” my native Dutch language teacher told me, “everyone speaks English, but I’ll give you enough to break the ice!”). Consequently I had at my finger tips such key phrases as “Hello. My name is Jon.” “Would you like a cup of coffee?” “You are a very attractive young lady. Could I have the opportunity of seeing you naked?” Funnily, none of my lessons had prepared me for this interview.

 

Actually getting the interview was a trick in itself. The aliens police only opened Wednesday between 9 and 12. Everyone got a number on arrival and if your number didn’t come up, you started all over again the following week. It was my fourth attempt (arriving at 6.30 am) before I was finally ushered in to see Thomas de Torquemada.

 

He was utterly disinterested in my finances, what job I was doing, whether I had murdered anybody, etc, but obsessed with my racial origins (my surname, in some circles, is thought to be Persian – always fun when trying to escape from Israel). After almost an hour of interrogation (at one point I thought he was going to whip out a bit of sandpaper to see if he could rub the make-up off), he had convinced himself that I was white and reluctantly stamped my passport.

 

At this point I made the mistake of attempting to be friendly – “Nice place, the Netherlands”, I said, “Very friendly people and an attractive country.” “Are you trying to be funny?” asked our Tom. “Eh….no.” “Hmm….well I can see we’ll have to keep an eye on you!” “Why?” “Sounds to me like you might be planning to stay. Let’s have you back in every four weeks, OK?” “But the permit is for a year!” “And it can be revoked without notice,” he grinned. “See you next month.”

 

Interestingly, the most important and useful document for establishing a comprehensive identity in the Netherlands all those years ago was a utility bill with my name on it. When we moved to France, the most useful document we had…an EdF bill.

 

[Road Rage]

[quote]Not quite nuns - but it's about the nuns boss.....After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded intothe limo (and he doesn't travel light), the drivernotices that the Pope is still standing on the cu...[/quote]

Now this is what the internet is really for. Top quality joke - I thank you for this - and I shall be rendering it into French in due course. I can only hope that it goes down better than the gorilla joke, which only our mayor found amusing. But then, he laughs at anything provided it might get him re-elected (mayor for fifteen years but only on the council by virtue of a single vote).

Later - with regard to the entirely legitimate flaw you pointed out (waddling start rather than running), I think that we could get round this by tying a short length of rope betwixt the ankles of each nun. No reply from Bernie as yet. I remain hopeful.

[Road Rage]

[quote]Formula Nun: pit stops would be replaced by a quick mass.[/quote]

Egads! - we could really have something here. Qualifying could involve having to say "hail Mary's" (obviously fewer the higher up the grid each sister was) before a Le Mans style running start. I'd pay money to see something like this.

[Road Rage]

[quote]Jond, did they sing "so long, farewell" as they passed?[/quote]

Oddly, no. Doesn't that routine involve some knee-bending though? Its been a long time since I saw the film. I'll be paying closer attention to the nuns that hang around the kids school from now on though. Do you think that Bernie Ecclestone could be interested in marketing Formula Nun?

[Are you happy in France?]

[quote]Jond I'm afraid I am barbless. Or without barb, as you might say.[/quote]

I am pleased about this. I don't agree with some of the things on your site, but I think you've done a good job adding some balance for people thinking of moving to France. It can work very well for some (it did for us), for others it can be an unmitigated disaster. Personally I think its important to approach a move here (or Spain, Italy - wherever) with the mindset of an immigrant rather than of an ex-pat. But then I spend my life in the middle of nowhere and a fair proportion of each day talking to ducks, so I wouldn't place too much store by what I say!

[Are you happy in France?]

[quote]Banter in French: I'm sure you will get back into the swing of things as you become more confident in your French.[/quote]

Ah - I think you misunderstand. I banter (with, indeed, confidence and, on occasion, wit) in French. I was merely pointing out that there are differences in the humour. Unless that was meant to be a barb on your part?

[Are you happy in France?]

Personally I love it here. Plenty of space, seldom a dull moment, kids very happy in school, etc. Mind you, I was very happy in the UK, except for the drunken violence characterising every Friday and Saturday night and really putting a crimp on my social life. Could just have been where I lived (North London) or the people I went out with, but I can't be sure. And the area we lived in was bad for drive-by shootings (something very sobering about a WH Smith with bullet holes in it), but I guess bits of Paris and M********e are just as bad.

I think I really only miss the sense of humour of the British (not the stuff on TV, but the day to day banter). Before that I lived in the Netherlands - I could never get used to the "shelf" toilets there - and frankly I couldn't ever imagine going back there. But here....I think we'll be making our application for naturalistion in due course.

[Road Rage]

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the decheterie today. I was toddling along in my ancient ex GDF Renault 5 (it may be old, scratched and faintly malodorous, but it has passed its CT and is very cheap to run, plus has tremendous cachet amongst a certain class of motorist that you just don’t get with a BMW) with a trailer load of rubble (have barn, will build gite) when I became aware of another car approaching at great speed from behind.

 

Doing as I was only 80 in a 90 zone, I wasn’t entirely surprised to be tailgated by the driver as they weaved in and out looking for a six inch gap in the oncoming traffic. None being forthcoming I was flashed a few times to try and encourage me to either pull over, speed up or disappear into thin air. I always wave cheerfully at this point and slow down just a little to show that I know they are there and appreciate that they are making an effort to injure me. Anyway, a gap duly appeared and the car behind pulled out over the solid white line and disappeared at a considerable rate of knots into the sunset.

 

In itself not unusual at all in France, but one tiny aspect was notable – it was a car full of nuns. And this is the second time this has happened in the past couple of weeks. I’ve no idea what order they were, but I think that they were very short; either that or they had removed the seats in order to kneel in supplication whilst on the move. Anyone else been on the receiving end of reckless driving by celibates in religious orders lately? Or is it just me that they are toying with? The nuns of my youth, far from being the blood-lust firebrands popular in autobiography today, were generally fluffy, Miss Marple types, whose only discernable vice were the odd fag behind the bikeshed. This occurance has left me with the unnerving feeling of just having been mugged by a gang of penguins.

[Will Southampton take up the ferries?]

[quote]All you peeps who seem to be intimate with Southampton (as I was myself for a while). How come we never met..... maybe yous wos just lucky! What's happening with the new bit they were starting to d...[/quote]

You mean the container terminal at Marchwood? I think its going ahead. I must cofess that I thought the old ferry terminal had been turned into a new shopping / "entertainment" (ie broken furniture and wall to wall vomitting every Friday night) district. I've not been to Soton for a few years, but someone was telling me that Above Bar has been tarted up no end. As I recall this would not be difficult as improvements could have been affected quite successfully with a couple of hundred tonnes of napalm. And in case anyone is getting upset I would point out that I had three of the most enjoyable years of my life in Southampton, and will always have fond memories of the place. Even if it was a bit of a cat litter. I may have run into you at some point SB, but I was probably disguised as a young professional at the time.

[Olives - Tree to Jar]

Thankyou both for your replies - I'll give it a go.

[Olives - Tree to Jar]

For the first time we have a tree full of olives. Could anyone advise how I turn them from the rather unpleasent green bullets on the tree (memo to the curious: olives straight from the tree do not seem to taste very nice!) into something I can drop into a martini? I have an idea that it might involve brine, but beyond that....

[Foie Gras]

[quote]Acquired taste? Don't bother with the cheap stuff in the supermarkets, or the 'terrine de foie gras' that's sometimes served up in imitation of the real thing. I like those, but can understand why yo...[/quote]

I think that in some ways I am a bit of a "tree hugger" in that I do care how the meat I eat has been treated. We will now only buy foie gras from an artisianal producer were we know exactly the welfare policy. Its the same with meat - we far rather eat it less often and buy from a known source with good standards and pay up for the overall quality. We now never buy from the chiller cabinet. It makes life more inconvenient, but what the hell. We now raise our own ducks and chickens for the table, and as soon as I can find someone to give me a lesson, we'll be doing our own gavage for foie gras. Its the same with eggs - we don't buy anything with eggs in it unless we KNOW that they are proper free range - biscuits, cakes, mayonaise, whatever. Otherwise we make it ourselves or go without.

Personally I regard fox hunting as unnecessariliy cruel, but frankly I cannot get that upset about it when there are so many other weightier matters that should be addressed, both in the sphere of animal wealfare and in the wider world. And I have no problem at all in going after something with a gun.

That's my tuppence worth. Now climbing off soapbox.

[Flatpack Furniture & The Swedish Ministry of Hate]

[quote]The instructions are all part of the master plan. They use a special piece of software called a RIG - random instruction generator. Once they've got a set of instructions that is reasonably close ...[/quote]

This would explain a great deal. I particularly like the non-gender specific humanoid figures that they use to explain things like lifting, holding a drill or having a friend (preferably the circus contortionist I mentioned earlier) help you.

Don't get me wrong - I am always very pleased with the IKEA stuff we buy...once its been assembled. I'm also very pleased that in France they allow you to order the stuff online and have it delivered, thus avoiding the actual going-to-the-store bit. Certainly when we lived in the UK this facility was not available so I had to go physically to Brent Cross and my wife had to endure two hours of glazed sulking on my part.

[Chlorine and plants]

[quote]Chlorine does not remain in the water (it gets used up doing its job of cleaning pool) hence the need to add daily dose. If you stop adding chlorine then check for its presence a few days later i am s...[/quote]

If you want to be sure, just wait until you get some algae build up - this is a clear indicator that risidual cholrine is exhausted - before emptying the pool.

[Foie Gras]

Its staggering how "upset" people will get when they perceive that something is an exclusive pleasure of the upper echelons of society. When it comes to serious cruelty - battery farming of hens for example - they suddenly develop extensive blind spots. Hopefully, with regard to foie gras, the French will not take a blind bit of notice.