MrCanary Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I just love some of Tommy Cooper's lines.How about...A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Or...Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted March 22, 2007 Author Share Posted March 22, 2007 Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 "Feel that...it's felt!"M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWINKLE Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 I went into a pub and I ate a Ploughmans lunch. He was livid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted March 22, 2007 Share Posted March 22, 2007 Trick my mother taught me... never did work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pogo Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Not word for word!! The doctor said go to Margate,it's good for arthrirtis,so I went there....and I got it. I knocked on the door of a guest house,and a woman looked out the window and asked what I wanted.I said 'I want to stay here',so she said 'Well,stay there then' and shut the window.I think we could overload this site with his funnies[:D][:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Doctor, I can't pronounce my 'T's 'F's 'H's and 'N'sWell, you can't say fairer than that then! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I went into a French restaurant and asked thewaiter, 'Have you got frogs' legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Wellhop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 'I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 I got back to my car and there was a note on it saying 'Parking Fine'So that was nice....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 A jump lead walks into a bar... The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Petomane Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Man goes into a restaurant, he says "Bring me a lobster", so the waiter brought him one, man says "This lobster's only got one claw," waiter says "He's been in a fight," man says "Well bring me the winner." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Bloke goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck upmy backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out' . Man says, Why? The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbours' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Another man goes into the doctors."Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.""That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome"."Is it common?""It's not unusual". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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