Funeral Cam ....A good idea ?

[Frederick]

Well you learn somthing everyday   ....as the saying goes .. I have today spent some time with a lady who recently lost her husband  They used to live near Berjerac,.then in old age returned to the UK  .There are friends and relatatives apart from France and the UK , in America  Australia and South Africa ,  During our conversation ,she told me that the funeral director asked her if she would like the service at the Crematorium  to  be shown via a web cam , It was arranged, and all those who could not attend  , many from what she tells me, hooked up to the web cam on line to follow the service ...    This I had never heard of ,and it would appear from what she told me ,people were pleased they could follow and feel they were part of the service via  the web cam ..   I think its a good idea... do you ? 

[NormanH]

Particularly in the sort of situation where some friends are likely to be in distant places, as when someone has spent a long time abroad.

[idun]

Humbug. Sorry but funerals, although they are the biggest necessity in life, ie to dispose of one's body, but a fuss about it, no, not interested. Rather my friends went and had a good meal and a good drink and simply toasted my life.

My Dad has arranged body disposal, so no proper funeral. And my friend's Dad had asked them to take him straight to the crem on an old plank and have him slung in the fires immediately......... they checked, it wasn't permitted. So he organised something along the same lines as my Dad.

I would not watch anyone's funeral, so for me, not a good idea at all.

[Frecossais]

I think that giving someone you love a good send-off is the last physical thing you can do for them. However I would'nt want my family offering the web cam experience of my funeral. Will I will have to make this clear in my will? 

[nectarine]

well I think it's a good idea to offer it as a choice, particularly for those who are unable to attend, so they can hear the eulogy and all the service. Some elderly people may be unable to travel to friend's funerals due to their own ill-health. I went to one funeral where someone was taking photos ... now I think THAT is fairly odd but apparently the deceased's family had requested it (the photographer was quite discreet and didn't make his presence obvious). But the nature of funerals is changing - you can now buy caskets in different colours, or with your favourite football club motif on it, cartoon characters ..... having 'funeral cam' is just part of the changing nature of how traditional rites are being changed by the introduction of new technology.

[Sprogster]

I think that people that do not believe in funerals miss the point in that according to psychologists there is a benefit in helping give closure to friends and relatives. Therefore, whilst an elaborate ceremony is unnecessary some form of send off is important to help those left behind get through the grieving process.

[Val_2]

That is very true, I speak from experience of last year being asked if I and any of the other close mourners who came to the crem after the civil funeral in our commune for my husband, would like to watch the coffin being placed into the burner. I am glad I did, so is my son,my brother,BIL and our friend as it was final closure after two weeks of unbelievable heartbreaking grief. It wasn't horrendous to see it, we saw the flames read to burst into full life and after four hours which is what it takes to complete the process everything was recorded on paper. Grief is horrendous, but I still feel now that he has completely gone and is not rotting away in a cavaux in the village cemetary instead and could be exhumed one day if future generations do not pay the concessions.

[mogs]

It sounds like it could be a good idea for people, who for whatever reason, are unable to attend in person.

For me personally, I want as little fuss as possible, as cheap as possible and think that cremation, for me, is the right option.

I watched "This Morning" recently where they had a selection of very impressive coffins, from cardboard, wicker, pine to elaborate buses, classic cars and more.   I can't think why on earth anyone would want to spend so much money on something that is going to be burnt or rot.    I didn't like the idea of the egg shaped coffin as the thought of how one's loved one gets positioned inside it,  in a  foetal position doesn't bear thinking about.

[Val_2]

Here in France the coffins buried in the cemetaries don't actually rot as they would in the ground as they are buried in concrete bunkers which are practically airtight and very dry. I saw my friend's coffin when her MIL was placed in the same cavaux here four years ago and she had been in there sixteen years already and the coffin was still intact and even the wreath of red roses were all whole but discoloured. End of the day, its the family who usually decide and for cremation they are very strict on the actual type and fabrication of coffin here so as not to cause too many problems in the burner.

[idun]

Sprogster said: I think that people that do not believe in funerals miss the point in that according to psychologists there is a benefit in helping give closure to friends and relatives. Therefore, whilst an elaborate ceremony is unnecessary some form of send off is important to help those left behind get through the grieving process.

Well please try telling that to my ageing father. His feelings about this have not changed, and although his body is certainly becoming feeble his mind is not. He is insistant that his wishes be adhered to. Personally, I would feel very uneasy about contradicting his wishes when he has gone.

And do you know, this had been discussed, it is an open  honest conversation, it is something that we can discuss, and we have talked about closure etc. He remains fixed in his views.

So is this about me. Well, even if I did have a need of 'something', then I think it would be for me to sort myself out, when the old fella is gone. Don't know what his sisters, or my brother will want or do, but I'll leave it to them. If they want me to join in with something I'll go along with that, but for them, I know my Dad's wishes.

[Mr Ceour de Lion II]

I think it's a good idea, I have no problem with it. If you don't want to see the funeral on a web cam, then don't log on.

As for me, when I go, I'd prefer to be disposed of the cheapest way possible, but at the end of the day, it'll be up to the living to decide what happens. So whatever makes it easier for my wife is exactly what I want.

I had a neighbor back in Australia who attended his own wake and I thought this was a great idea. What happened was when he was 70, he invited everyone who meant something to him, had a bloody good party and knees up, and then when he died (some 7 years later), he was cremated the very next day with only his wife present. That's all he wanted.

[Hoddy]

I think that funerals are such a

personal thing that each person or family must make the decisions that suit them and their circumstances.

If people are having webcams can I put in a plea for a bit of distance and respect for the mourners please ?

About three years ago I went to a local funeral. At the end of the service we all walked as usual to the cemetery. It was a hot, sunny day at the height of the tourist season and I was quite shocked to find that we were being filmed by some people who obviously thought we were adding some local colour to their holiday videos. I felt it a great intrusion and although I didn't discus it with anyone, I'm sure I was not alone.

Hoddy

[Frederick]

This is is how it works  Article lifted from a publication about where the funeral took place

   

A new "pay-per-view funerals" service will enable bereaved friends and

relatives to watch proceedings on their computer screens if they cannot

pay their respects in person.

Critics believe the webcasting of ceremonies from a suburban

crematorium in the UK to the world is macabre. But from tomorrow,

Southampton crematorium will begin the £75-per-family service.

The crematorium manager's, Trevor Mathieson, said he was keen to lay to rest the pay-per-view label.

He said: "It's not as if we're Sky and broadcasting Premier League

football. We're not putting the services on to the internet for anyone

to watch. Security is very important. It's all about offering a better

service to people who are bereaved."

A digital camera discreetly set up in a corner of the crematorium's

east chapel captures the service. For £75 a family is given a user name

and password.

These can be passed on to people who cannot get to the ceremony and

they can watch the service as it takes place. DVDs of funerals are also

being offered for £50 and audio recordings for £25.

"It's not everyone's cup of tea," said Mathieson. "Some people will

think it's not the done thing. But we live in a world where family

members live all over the place. A lot of people cannot make it to a

crematorium."

There has been strong reaction locally, however.

The Rev Gary Philbrick, area dean for Southampton, said: "There are a

lot of good things about it." But he had reservations and, personally,

did not like the idea of being filmed during a funeral.

[Val_2]

Thats a lot of money extra on top of an already very expensive exercise for the bereaved to pay for. Personally I would not like it, if you cannot attend in person then you can phone or send best wishes etc and most people accept this universally. From experience of UK crematorium services it is not a long affair, here we took as long as we wanted and it was intimate whereby only those invited came and not all and sundry. Burial again here in France is also a family only usually affair and most people attending a church or civil service will fade away when it finishes, its just the way things are done and people don't don black clothing neither which is nicer.

[idun]

Not everyone wears black at UK funerals either, and I have been to them where the family have asked for people not to wear black.

I have been to funerals and creamations that have taken an age, no one has been rushing anyone along, and others that have been very quick.