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Moral harrassment on the work place


Frenchie

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I know what she means, my mother is always starting a conversation with "you should do this, and you should do that".  Taking the moral highground over something when it could be a matter of opinion. No?  Hassling someone over what they should do or what that person thinks they should be doing. Perfect English.

Georgina

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Indeed, nothign to do with sexual matters, just being put aside when decisions are taken, not being informed of meetings being held, gossiping, insults, etc..

The result ? being isolated with just one very good friend at work, and I feel so bad.

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I know what Frenchie means (harcèlement moral).

It is sometimes called "office politics", but amounts to bullying: taking sides, snide remarks, being deliberately "forgotten" when info is circulated, strategy being discussed without your knowledge...

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As you can imagine I ve been thinking about it a lot..

Control freaks maybe.. people who don't want to share the power of decisions, who want to control everything, who want to stand in the light and push the others in the shadow.. See what I mean ? ( even if my command of English is cr*p) 

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I appreciate it is of little help but in my experience (actual experience, not my thinking aloud) those to behave in such a manner are often quite insecure.  I have seen it in people who are new to a company and feel they have to prove themselves (and if they are brought in at a senior level, some others might start behaving in a similar manner - sort of trying to be a "kindred spirit" to their new boss).  Other times I've seen it is people who are not so good at doing what they are meant to and have to try and be "superior" in other ways (also to cover-up that they are not great at their jobs).

I'm sure there are other circumstances but I'm just describing where I've seen it happen.

Those to behave in such a way only speak volumes about their own character/nature and whilst I expect others see what is happening, in the UK people are not generally motivated to sort out the offending person.

Ian
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[quote user="Frenchie"]

Indeed, nothign to do with sexual matters, just being put aside when decisions are taken, not being informed of meetings being held, gossiping, insults, etc..

The result ? being isolated with just one very good friend at work, and I feel so bad.

[/quote]

The situation is obviously affecting you otherwise you would'nt have posted, so you must do something about it.    I was involved in workshops which addressed this type of situation before I came to France.     If you feel all the above is happening you must advise your superiors / management, advising them that they may not believe its happening, but state you have felt it has been for some time, and as a way to take it forward and stop it from happening you intend to make a log of such situations and return to them in (say....one month - or whatever you feel is the right length of time), with the hope that the matter can be put right by them very quickly.       If management are good management this will be kept totally confidential.    Good Luck Frenchie.

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I think jealousy could be a factor.

Frenchie - you are an attractive, single mother and I imagine - from your immpecable english and positve, fun attitude on the forum - that you are also a good teacher and popular with your students.  Maybe some of the married staff feel threathened by you and are envious of your lifestye - travelling to Britain and meeting new people while they are stuck in a stale marriage and consider their job to be a grind.

Very Marge Proops (agony aunt)  of me I know - but this is MY gut feeling. 

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frenchie, what a rotten situation to be in. Bullies are usually weak  and so choose even weaker people to be in their " gang " as they like to stay as "top dog ". They must live pretty boring lives if it makes them feel good by alienating you and your friend at work. Like Twinkle said they could be jealous of your lifestyle your career your everything. You`ll never know really until one of this  "gang " gets fed up and pulls away & spills the beans.

Good luck

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Frenchie , be brave and just go up to one of them on there own and ask them straight out , they will be very embrassed and hopfully wont do it again. but you may get an answer as to why ? it will probally be some thing silly , that some one thinks you have done or said , go for it gal !![kiss]
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Frenchie - I am truely sorry to hear about your predicament. I hope that it gets better but if it does not you have to consider your options.

I have been in a similar situation and decided to cut my losses and go freelance rather than be in a situation where I did not like going to work. After I made the break a better job opportunity became available.

Good luck.
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[quote user="Renaud"]Frenchie - I am truely sorry to hear about your predicament. I hope that it gets better but if it does not you have to consider your options. I have been in a similar situation and decided to cut my losses and go freelance rather than be in a situation where I did not like going to work. After I made the break a better job opportunity became available. Good luck.[/quote]

But is'nt that letting the bully/ies win?    It worked out for you and thats great, but that (unfortunately) cannot be the outcome in lots and lots of cases.      Personally, in this situation, I would face it head on as the previous poster wrote and confront him/her/them, but I am aware not everyone can do that.   Management are there to sort this out otherwise its victimisation.      Does anyone remember the thread "The Fat Club"....as was stated on that thread, some bullies rally their troops together with one aim in mind and thats to overcome their victim in every way possible.       If Frenchie can't face him/her/them head on, she needs to speak to someone who can.

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Frenchie the 'bullies' only win if you let it get to you. It just feeds them. They may be able to make you feel rotten, but they can't take what is inside, your spirit.

Remember that they are the weak ones, that's why they behave that way. As Twinkle said its usually down to jealously, you make them feel inferior so they try and put you down or exclude you.

Good luck, stay strong and don't be afraid to stand up to them, try and identify/deal with the ringleader, the others normally only follow just so they aren't on the receiving end.

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