tonyinfrance

Living in Brighton we have naturally been frequent users of the Newhaven-Dieppe route (not a great service but very convenient). Any thoughts on the best alternative?  We don't want to go to Dover so I guess Portsmouth is the obvious choice but the road (A27) is dire....

Hello Ian - it's true it's a bit of a rubbishy service for private travellers (but handy for me as you say) but I'd always thought the commercial traffic would keep the service going.  Oh well.......... Sue and I will be back in Carpentras the middle two weeks of  June along with goddaughter #9 - perhaps you might be kind enough to liaise with your stable friends to organise some riding for her again - I'll pm you nearer the time. Meanwhile I was sorry to hear about the deforestation near your house - damned nuisance I'm sure.

According to our local paper this route is once again under threat - http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/11160839.Ferry_crossing_closure_could_cost_500_jobs/?ref=ms This would be a great shame for those of us south of London in Sussex and so on

This is where we learn who reads Viz............. Off at a tangent, one of the best things Vinnie did (last year I think) was an ad for heart resuscitation - absolutely priceless

make-weight...........

Hello Quillan - my pal in Carpentras has renovated his large house single-handed (a remarkable achievement). However, the number of times he has had to go to three different stores to get technical bits and pieces which would have all been in one place in UK drove him bonkers.  An especial joy was to pitch up at 11:45am knowing the store closed at 12:00 only to find the shutters half way down already.  His other bete noir is the post office which is frequently subject to a fermeture exceptionelle:  no big problem if you're on hols but he runs a business in nearby Sarrians and he doesn't have the time to spare.... In passing, the restrictions on Sunday shopping would horrify the average Brit but I like the idea that Sundays are for families...........

I did not find RB's original post offensive, but I seem to be in the minority......lengthy perhaps, but not offensive. On the face of it, it's not an unreasonable question:  might one be happier living in France than in whatever country one is or was living (not everyone comes from UK).  I live in the south of England with awful traffic congestion and crowds of people at every turn.  I like the idea of space, which France has in abundance.  Having visited France on both business and pleasure since the 1970s I like it a lot.  But I do not (yet) live in France and there's the rub: I know how frustrating daily life can be compared to UK but I suspect a significant number will find it preferable to England for one reason or another. I believe it's mostly dependant on personal attitude:  positive people will integrate to some greater or lesser extent and be compatible with local life; others will remain on the fringes and will probably give up and return to UK sooner or later.  Each to his own........

I just got a phone call from a representative from Google.   "We're campaigning to get people to sign an on-line petition supporting our company tax arrangements in light of the government's plans for an investigation."   "You can f*^k right off," I told him. "It's the law abiding tax payer like me who suffers because of bastards like Google. You're getting no support from me!"   There was a pause before he added, "We know your browsing history."   "It's about time somebody stood up to the Government. I'm logging in as we speak."

Sprogster - we just got back from three weeks in Vaucluse:  the first week was unseasonally cool, windy and wet!  We met Gardian a couple of times who told us the locals in his part of the world (about an hour away from us) rcckoned it was the worst spring/early summer weather for 50 years! I'm not a believer in global warming but the experts who met in UK this week project that warmer Atlantic sea temperatures will bring another 10 years of poor summer weather to UK (and probably large parts of France too). As I approach retirement I don't want to think of every summer being a disappointment but I'd better get used to it or move a long way south!

Thanks Gardian - I'll drop you a line......

Hello We are making our usual journey to Carpentras at the end of May but this time we are taking goddaughter number 9 with us for a couple of weeks.  She's 17 and very keen on horses - can anyone point me at horseriding facilities (or somewhere she can just look at horses) anywhere in the area? Thanks

Would you marry Again? A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading  when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....  WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"  HUSBAND:  "Definitely not!"  WIFE: "Why not?   Don't you like being married?"  HUSBAND: "Of course I do.."  WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "  HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."  WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)  HUSBAND:(makes audible groan)  WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"  HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.."  WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"  HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"  WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"  HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."  WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"  HUSBAND : "That would seem like the proper thing to do."  WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?"  HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."  WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?  HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."  WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?  HUSBAND:  "No, she's left-handed."  WIFE:  --   silence --  HUSBAND:   "shit."  

Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and Elton John were walking over a bridge. Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings.   With a sideways glance, Robbie pulls aside her G-String and bonks her senseless!  He stands back and tells Elton, "Your turn!" Elton bursts into tears.  "What's up?" asks Robbie.  Elton sobs: "My head won't fit through the railings!!    

We live in Brighton so Newhaven is only 15 minutes away, making LD Lines a no-brainer for us. I'm less keen on the new bulk ticket scheme but haven't had time to properly measure it against the previous frequent traveller promotion

At our favourite B&B in Vieuvy (near Gorron 53) the breakfasts are splendid affairs, frequently embellished with little cakes made by Madame.  Lots of homemade preserves etc. which we make a big effort to consume as our splendid hostess has gone to such trouble. We're back there this coming weekend - I'll be needing trousers with an elasticated waistband......  

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi got together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real  challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided  to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear,  preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion. Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.' Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm  and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't  sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP  another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah! The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and  monitors  running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi  looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been  the best way to start."

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided  it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively- 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses and leaned over towards her and whispered 'Is that one word or two?'

I was saddened to hear Davy Jones had died - then I saw his face, now I'm a bereaver..........

I saw a brand new telly in the shop window last night with a sign saying "only £10 - volume control stuck on high".  I thought - "I can't turn that down!"

I went to Greenwich last night, I like the place but I don't like the people. They think the world revolves around them.    Last night I had a dream that I had written the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I was Tolkien in my sleep.    I went to look at a flat last night. I walked in and all the walls were covered in mirrors. I thought, "I can see myself living here!"    Someone just left me a load of Lego. I don't know what to make of it.    

We enjoy the programme (although I find it a bit over the top) but as others have said it makes Burgundy look like a place spending a bit more time in on the way to the south. We were great fans of Le Manoire when we lived in that part of the country - beautiful place, although watching one of the Spice Girls trying to devour her boyfriend during our last visit was a little unsettling

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery.   As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said," I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."    The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.     "How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."   The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the >duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.   The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.   The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."   Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.   The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried.      " £150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"   The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.

My wife is a great driver (although she doesn't like it much).  She never complains about my driving as she is usually trying to read the map whilst holding it upside down......as we drift down the A6 and she tells me she's found Stuttgart I know it's not going to work too well...........

Properly breezy here in Brighton - the Newhaven-Dieppe crossing will be rough today!