Free Chickens (and moles)

[Quillan]

An English home is his castle, well the house at least, the garden, well that’s a different matter.

 

I tried the tablets the guy down in the bar at Quillan gave me for my moles. How was I to know they were muscle enhancing, you know like what top athletes use before they get drug tested and subsequently banned from athletics for the rest of their natural. The moles are so big now that even the cats are afraid of them and as for the size of their hills, even the new tractor lawnmower can’t get over them. We have now resolved ourselves to the fact that the bottom of the garden is for moles only and not for humans or any other animal.

 

Well that is of course with the exception of chickens………. Our next door but one neighbour who has moved out over a week ago left his chickens behind (the property is now vacant awaiting new tenants). Not having anything to eat they have now taken up residency in my garden and believe me there are loads of things to eat here, mainly all my vegetables.

 

So, if anyone wants some chickens including their 3 month old offspring then come to visit me (seriously) as I have loads of unwanted ones, all you have to do is catch them and take them away. Failing that I have just spoken to the local sports shop who have agreed to sell me a .22 rifle and a shed load of dum-dum bullets, I can collect it in two weeks time. So basically if you want to save the lives of these chickens please drop me an email for directions and you are welcome to them. I might even slip in a genetically enhanced mole or two if you like not to mention a cup of coffee or something stronger.

[Piprob]

Hi Chris, its good to hear from you again. I had wondered if you'd 'abandoned ship', but maybe you've just been very busy. I have enjoyed the SE Forum so much in the past and rather like the tendency of its postings to be somewhat 'eccentric'. You are keeping this tradition alive.

I can think of several imaginative ways to deal with your latest infestation - all of them gruesome!

Maybe on these darkening nights, equipped with a medicinal cognac to proof you against the chill, armed with air rifle, search light, and cardboard cut-outs of your least favourite people, you can restore a civilized balance of terror to your garden.

But what a neighbour!

[SaligoBay]

Piprob, you beat me to it.  I was just going to reply to Quillan's kind offer of free chooks.  He was probably starting to feel like he had leprosy or lived in Corsica.

Sadly, the only place I have room for a chicken is in the oven, but Quillan's generosity has not gone unnoticed.

My car is capable of going that far, it made it into the Pyrenees in August, and then into Spain.  Do chickens need seatbelts, or reflective jackets?   Is it a red triangle per chicken?

[Quillan]

This is a serious problem guys. Some tried to take shelter in my engine shed (model for garden railway) except they didn’t fit and broke it, cost about 400€. All my salad stuff got eaten and whilst my Spanish strawberries are still flowering and fruiting I never get to eat any, they get there first, they are now eyeing up cbages. Back to the model railway, they have either dug or eaten half the gravel and ruined it so we totalled up the cost of lost profit on the food (we use for evening meals) the gravel and bits of railway plus labour and it comes to around 2,000€ so far.

 

People tell me to fence it all in but as these ‘things’ fly and are semi wild there’s no point and anyway why should I. It was the old owner’s job to keep them penned in not for me to keep them out if you see what I mean. Now the guy has been evicted he has had his revenge by leaving the bloody things here and it’s doing my head in. I really don’t want them in my garden because I like my railway (what’s left of it) and I like growing my veg. SHE says they look nice in the garden, typical woman, and the guests think they are  ‘kind’a cute’ (guess what nationality they were) walking round the garden pecking at the grass but I just hate them.

 

So here is my cunning plan, I’m going to shoot the mother hen and leave a forged mole passport near the scene of the crime. The baby chickens won’t know what to do, the******will see the passport plus baby chickens all in a state and think it’s my genetically enhanced moles and WW3 will start then all I have to do is wait till the dust settles, see who’s left, say thanks and shoot them.

 

Alternatively somebody can come and catch them and take them away. So if you are really interested in free chickens drop me a private email.

[opas]

stick us a couple in the post....oh no thats pigeon isnt it.

Seriously if I had some land would set re set up Mr Tweedies

[Janey]

AHHHHH, can,t you just build them a nice little enclosure and let them lay egs, lovely fresh eggs every morning..lovely roast chicken every Sunday...till they run out

Janey

[Piprob]

Me again Chris. You're showing a brave face but I can see you're a tad p***ed off with it.

It may be that Philippe, or Guzman, or the Lautiers, or some of the other folk up at Quirbajou would take them away for you, (seriously) assuming they can be caught. A fair bit of livestock is kept up there one way and another. Do you want me send you contact details? I won't be back myself for a few weeks. Alternatively, maybe the local hunting fraternity would deal with them. This early in the season they might like such an opportunity to get get their eyes in.

While writing, thought I would tell you that the fabric of the new house is now complete, and the electrician and plumber are about to be set loose on it. None of the terrace levels will be as-plan, I relied too much on the accuracy of the spot heights shown on my cadastral plan.

When the guys came to put the pool foundations in they found some pipes - nearer the surface than expected (at least, that was the story), though if someone had actually looked at the drawing before cranking-up the digger, events might have been different. And on the subject of pools, its built using a hollow polystyrene lego set filled with concrete and steel rods!

I see tears ahead - probably mine.

(PS. Anyone know if there's one of France's famous furniture depots anywhere in the South East?)