Field Hospital

[Motorhead]

Back in WW1 when the French health service wasn't so good Marshal Petain was visiting the front line troops at a field hospital to boost
morale.
As the Marshal is escorted from bed to bed he meets the men and discusses their ailments.
He comes to one bed where a soldier is lying face down on the bed obviously in great pain.
Petain: "What's up with you private?"
Soldier: "Chronic piles sir"
Petain: "What's the treatment?"
Soldier: "Three good scrubs a day with a wire brush sir"
Petain: "What's your ambition soldier?"
Soldier: "To get back to the fighting and win this war for France sir"
Petain: "Very good, have a medal"

He moves to the next bed where he find a soldier lying on his back obviously in pain.
Petain: "What's up with you private?"
Soldier: "Chronic Herpes sir"
Petain: "What's the treatment?"
Soldier: "Three good scrubs a day with a wire brush sir"
Petain: "What's your ambition soldier?"
Soldier: "To get back to the fighting and win this war for France sir"
Petain: "Very good, have a medal"

The Marshal is led to another bed where a young mans face around the mouth is extremely
swollen.
Petain: "What's up with you private?"
Soldier: "Chronic gum disease sir"
Petain: "What's the treatment?"
Soldier: "Three good scrubs a day with a wire brush sir"
Petain: "What's your ambition soldier?"
Soldier: "To get the wire brush before the other two"

[Joh]

Ho ho

Nice one Lemmy,

This one has been translated from the American version....

Jacques  started jogging near his town house on the Avenue Marigny not far from the Elysee Palace,  but on each run,  he happened to jog past a lady of ill repute!  standing on the same street corner, day after day.  With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.
 "Fifty Euros!" she would shout from the curb.
  "No. "Ten Euros!" fired back Jacques.
    This ritual between Jacques  and the Lady continued for days.
He'd run by and she'd  yell, "Fifty Euros!" And he'd yell back, "Ten Euros!"
  One day however, Bernadette decided that she wanted to  accompany her husband on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner,
 Jacques realized the "lady" would bark her offer and Bernadette would wonder what  he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have  a good explanation  for his wife.
  As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner,
Jacques  became even more apprehensive than usual.  Sure enough, there was  the lady.  Jacques  tried to avoid the womans eyes as she watched the pair jog past.

  Then, from the pavement , the lady yelled,

"See what you get for Ten Euros ?" 

Terry

[Motorhead]

I'm not really Lemmy (much as I'd like to be). More of a backroom boy like Philthy, Fast Eddie or Wurzel.

Anyway, can you believe this? On Xmas eve Lemmy is gonna be 60. How he has survived so far completely baffles medical science.

A fan once said to Lemmy "you are god"

Lemmy replied "I've seen god on acid, he's taller"

This was a complete revelation to me. Up 'til then I had no idea that god took drugs. Kinda explains the world really.