The Red, Pink and White Stuff

[Christine Animal]

Water and Wine Education


It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each

day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of

Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in faeces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poo.


However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine

(or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go

through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.


WATER = Poo

WINE = HEALTH



Free yourself of Poo, drink WINE!!! It is better to drink wine and talk

sh * t than to drink water and be full of sh * t.



There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing

it as a public service.

 

[Christine Animal]

I would, however, like to add this as a word of caution :

Paddy staggered  home very late after another evening with his
Drinking pal, Mick. He took  off his shoes to avoid waking his wife Mary. He
Tiptoed quietly toward the  stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but
misjudged the bottom  step. As he caught himself by grabbing the
banister, his body swung around  and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each
back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to  yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in
the hall  mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed
to  quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best
he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Paddy  woke up with a searing pain in his head
and butt and Mary staring at him  from across the room.  She said, "You were drunk again last night  weren't you Paddy?"

Paddy asked, "Why you say such a mean  thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it  could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the  drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.... 

...it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror."

 

 

[Gluestick]

Reminds about the old story concerning the temperance meeting in Glasgow.

The speaker had two glasses on the lectern: he placed a worm in one containing whisky; and a worm in one containing pure water. Then he said:

"You see my friends, the wee worm I placed in the glass containing the devil's brew, whisky, died within seconds, however the wee worm I placed in the water is wriggling happily away. What does this tell you?"

A drunk at the back responded, "If ye drink whisky, ye dinna suffer wi worms!"

 

[chris pp]

I liked that one so much Christine that I've just e-mailed it to my wife across the room.

Not only do I let her use the pitchfork and the wheelbarrow, I even let her have her own computer!

Chris

[Missy]

To all of you Francophiles :

Find a CD of the comic known as Bourvil.  He was one of France's best comics (and the very good actor) from the 40's through to his death in 1970. The title you are after is 'La Causerie anti-alcoolique'

There is a lot of double-entendre and puns on words. It's about a person, at a conference, telling the glory of drinking water in the right spirit (if you see what I mean!)  It always make me laugh, and I still have in my mind one of my grandfather doing a good rendition of it to exasparate his wife (a bit stuck-up 'Temperance movement' style) and amuse us kids...