tangledweb Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 From what I can see there is a lot of confusion about how one may identify termites. I am something of an expert in this field and trust that the following advice will be of use.First it should be noted that termites’ main food is blood. It is not wood as many people seem to think... They will eat animal blood but prefer human. They especially like the blood of virgins but these are very scarce in our days.It is important to know how to distinguish between termites and ants. Ants are often confused with termites and although they have some similarities ants do not prowl the night looking to fall upon human victims to drain them.There are various ways in which to tell them apart but the most simple and the safest is to hold them up to a mirror. Ants have reflections and termites do not.The importance of identifying termites cannot be over stated. Failure to do so could result in you walking the earth as one of the ‘undead’... Not at all fun.It is useful to know that termites hate sunlight. In fact they often burst spontaneously into a ball of flame on contact with UV light. If you see what appears to be an ant in a large coat wearing sun glasses on a hot day be immediately suspicious, it is probably a termite trying to pass itself off as one of its less dangerous cousins.I have found the best way to prevent infestation is to crush garlic and spread it around the house. Termites hate garlic. Priests are good too, especially if they wear a crucifix or two or chuck around holy water.Be careful as termites show a very keen interest in virgins. There is no reason why they should of course but they do.Things that termites dislike are, inter alia, low energy light bulbs, pillow cases, garlic, holy water, Dixon of Dock Green (series 2 and 3) and question marks. Any of these can be used to prevent attack. If you do find termites have invaded your home you can sharpen wooden stakes and with these pierce the heart of the troublesome little beasts. I find a box of swan vesta all honed to a point are very handy.Of course there will be so called experts who will tell you all manner of things about preventing attack but if you value your life... your soul even, heed my warnings.If you need advice on any other matter please feel free to ask... I am. After all.... han hexpert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangledweb Posted May 31, 2008 Author Share Posted May 31, 2008 JEEPERS..... SORRY!!! NOT TERMITES OF COURSE.... I MEANT THOSE OTHER BITY THINGS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albert the InfoGipsy Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 What I love about this forum is that you can find an expert on anything you need to know.Personally, I keep a nice bit of sirloin in the freezer to make it easier to sharpen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 These particular virgin-loving termites only come out at midnight, n'est-ce pas? Or do I have the wrong sort? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Probably no experts on this subject, but just in case, what is a virgin? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex H Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 [quote user="Mel"] Probably no experts on this subject, but just in case, what is a virgin?[/quote]A big red and silver plane [8-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clair Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Nearly-Bloody Mary? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Snow White used to be one - then she drifted [:-))] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Cinderella used to be one until some prince stoked her ashes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tangledweb Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 Sorry Peeps... I was really talking about Draclears and not Termites.... If you want to know more about Draclears I can tell you... Termites I am afraid I know nothing about you .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.