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Office Christmas Party

AnOther

By AnOther
in The Lighter Side

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AnOther

Posted
Posted

CHRISTMAS PARTY MEMO

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director 

TO: All Employees

DATE: 21st October 2008

RE: Christmas Party

I'm

happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on

December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have

a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing

along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa

Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among

employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over

£20.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This

gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special

announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your

Family.

Pauline

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 22nd October 2008

RE: Holiday Party

In

no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,

from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy

applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no

Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of

music for your enjoyment.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.. 

Pauline.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 23rd October 2008

RE: Holiday Party 

Regarding

the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a

non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to

accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,

'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to

handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange

allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £20.00 is too much

money and Management believe £20.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE

WILL BE ALLOWED. Happy now ?

Pauline.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 24th October 2008

RE: Holiday Party

What

a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how

a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim

employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving

your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up

for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest

to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do

not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes,

there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the

person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We

will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be

available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the

food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food

first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the

restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss

anything?!?!

Pauline.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director

TO: All F***ing Employees

DATE: 25th October 2008

RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.

Vegetarian

pric*s I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party

at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly

at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put

it, you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But

you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them.

I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the screaming right NOW!! 

I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die horribly !!!

The B i tch from HELL!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )

TO: All Employees

DATE: 26th October 2008

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm

sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and

I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the

Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give

everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

John Benson.
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mint Newbie

mint

Posted
Posted

Don't talk about the washing-up.

In 2000, when there was a flu epidemic, OH decided he'd catch the flu so that he wouldn't have to do the washing-up.

So, after Christmas Day dinner, OH took to his bed; I had to take his cousin and her friend (they'd come for Christmas Dinner) back to their homes; then call the ambulance.

The ambulance came and whipped OH off to the local district hospital; siren blaring, red light flashing and me following in the car.

To cut a long story short, he was at death's door and yours truly got to spend the rest of Christmas Day and most of the New Year holidays in the hospital sitting by OH's bedside.

In the end, I'd had enough of the histrionics and got him an early discharge and took him home and told him in no uncertain terms not to pull that stunt again!

I mean, the lengths people would go to just in order to avoid the washing-up!  Pathetic or what?

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Missy Newbie

Missy

Posted
Posted
>>FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 26th October 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party


I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson.<<

 

From : Missy (Trainee Financial Accoutant)

To : ALL

Date : what's the date today!? I didn't register this morning [Www]

Re : Holiday Party

I suggest that every one endowed with the Xmas voucher from the company is to spend the afternoon off on full pay at the Dogs and everyone should be happy. No laws in any creed against betting (or watching the dogs running) is there .... If someone could pass a hat round that we get Pauline some flowers to wish her well. [:D]

 

 

 

 

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cooperlola2 Newbie

cooperlola2

Posted
Posted
[quote user="sweet 17"]

In 2000, when there was a flu epidemic, OH decided he'd catch the flu so that he wouldn't have to do the washing-up.

So, after Christmas Day dinner, OH took to his bed; I had to take his cousin and her friend (they'd come for Christmas Dinner) back to their homes; then call the ambulance.

The ambulance came and whipped OH off to the local district hospital; siren blaring, red light flashing and me following in the car.

To cut a long story short, he was at death's door and yours truly got to spend the rest of Christmas Day and most of the New Year holidays in the hospital sitting by OH's bedside.

In the end, I'd had enough of the histrionics and got him an early discharge and took him home and told him in no uncertain terms not to pull that stunt again!

[/quote]

Funnily enough, that same Xmas, I had flu. On Boxing Day, feeling absolutely ghastly at times, cooperlola insisted that we (i.e. I) drive to Kempton Park for the King George, for which we had bought members' badges. Next day was a friends party, and I got null points for arriving late and being a bit boring. On the Thursday, I found that the symptoms had lifted a bit, went supermarket shopping, found myself short of breath, but quite different from my usual - on such occasions - asthma. On Friday, flu gone, but breathing still not right, so went to Doc, who pronounced me to be suffering from "rather nasty case of pneumonia", sent me for x-ray. Radiographer very concerned when he looked at my right lung! Off work for a fortnight, but drugs did the trick. Man-flu has not been mentioned in our household since! Oh, and because I'm an asthmatic, France offers me a free flu jab every year.

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mint Newbie

mint

Posted
Posted

Poor you! Strange but, because you're not my husband, I feel quite sympathetic, even in retrospect!

I suspect Coops reacted a bit like I did towards my OH.

I've also got asthma but I'm NOT offered a free flu jab in France though I did get them when I was back in the UK.

You must have Man Asthma![:P]

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