oliveau Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 ...Qui est cet jeune homme qui j'ai vu chez toi hier soir?", to which she shouted back, "..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 "Il est votre fils Monsieur le Maire, vos yeux vous échouent ?"Staggering backwards clutching his chest, the Maire feared for his life, but then realised his ribs had been pressing against the window catch whilst leaning out. He turned to Monsieur Rene Artois, the proprietor of the auberge, and said,".......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 "show us your knickers", the shocked Monsieur Artois replied "if you show me yours first". The Maire gingerly slipped off his pink leather hot pants to reveal his..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Effie Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 tiny gold G string...and on his bare bouncing buttocks a tatoo which said..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 "fermé le lundi" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 20, 2007 Author Share Posted June 20, 2007 .......'Never mind about closed on Monday' fumed Yvette Camembert, still desperate to get her chimney swept; The Anglais was a waste of time with his frigid interfering wife. Yvette knew what she was going to do next, so................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chauffour Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 ...she started looking for the only italian in Dordogne, but he had is head stuck inside his pizza oven... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 .......frantically searching for his kitchen assistant's undies that he threw in there in panic a few minutes earlier when his wife had walked into the kitchen. Yvette realised she had stumbled on something that ought not to go on in kitchen's. So, when she saw the young assistant re-emerging from the walk-in chiller, obviously cold, she hatched a cunning plan.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trumpet Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 but this gave her for the first time a realistic view of his huge bum. Screaming she....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 22, 2007 Author Share Posted June 22, 2007 ...realised with frustration that here was the man she had been seeking, but because of the size of his bum, he would inevitably burn it on the light bulb while he was sweeping her chimney. There could only be one answer;....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 .......she would have to think of a way of doing the job herself.So, after two bottles of pink wine, she came up with the following plan. She would capture her neighbour's moggy and train it to climb the inside of her ample chimney. Then, once it was proficient at this, she would remove the fan from her battery driven personal cooler, replace it with a revolving brush, attach it to the moggy and send it up the chimney. Its speed would be regulated by dangling a kipper on a rope through the top. The rope would go over the roof and back in through the kitchen window where she could control the rise and fall of the smelly fish.However, she had overlooked one thing........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 23, 2007 Author Share Posted June 23, 2007 ....; she didn't know how the moggy liked it's kipper cooked - should it be fried, or poached. In the end she decided that it was a stupid idea anyway, and she resolved to look on t'Internet for a new.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 ...chimney sweep.Whilst she was doing this, her old friend Nicola Fartoocosi stopped by and asked her what she was doing."Well, I was looking for a chimney sweep," she explained and went on to tell her about her 'now dismissed' stupid plan to use her neighbour's moggy."That is not stupid," said Nicola, "that is a brilliant idea." So, together they set about cooking the kipper to what they believed would be the moggy's liking and then, having lured it into the kitchen by making miaow and chootchee noises, they attached the equipment to a very puzzled looking cat.But just as they were about to launch it up the chimney for the first brushing, a gendarme car skidded to a halt in the courtyard.................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 25, 2007 Author Share Posted June 25, 2007 .....but before anyone had time to emerge Yvette and Nicola were there screaming "Password, Password1" A muffled reply came from within the car "2!}[t7Y**]{>fG8!" - yes it was none other than........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trumpet Posted June 25, 2007 Share Posted June 25, 2007 The Mayor..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 26, 2007 Author Share Posted June 26, 2007 ...of London arrived with the bright idea of imposing congestion charges in the village. Naturally M le Maire was incensed and....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 ....told Ken to clear off back to where he had come from.But interestingly, it had only been the arrival of the gendarmes and K.L. that had caused the Maire to come out of hiding from the cave across the courtyard. Everybody present was surprised to see him - except for one person and, with a guilty look and a very red face, she said............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 'M le Maire , I have been looking everywhere for you - I have broken the........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chauffour Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 ..elastic band of my.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trumpet Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 toy airoplane...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 The Maire consoled her, 'Alors ma petite frou-frou' as he resolved that never again would he allow himself to become ensnared in a liaison with....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 ...any woman under the age of 85.He bade farewell to K.L. and the gendarmes, who left the courtyard skidding the wheels in the same way they had entered.The Maire then turned to the two women, smiled seductively, tweaking his moustache as he did so, and said....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 'Now mes petites fleurs, would you like to see what I can do with my fingers and my lips?'........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCanary Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 But Yvette was not a woman to be trifled with...and she was more than capable of dealing with the Maire's advances. She moved close to him and whispered in his ear exactly what she would do to him when they were alone.He was shocked and suddenly lost for words... Then, quite out of the blue,................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oliveau Posted June 30, 2007 Author Share Posted June 30, 2007 ...Mlle Lafarge called out to him from the Presbytery, 'Coo-ee! M Maire, I 'ave something 'ere for you zat is 'ot and fragrant, and just for you!' Leaving Yvette standing there open-mouthed in surprise he............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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