Giving Up Wine

[just john]

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of euros for food.

I took out my wallet, got out a ten and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'

'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.

'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.

'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'

'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.

'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'

'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'

The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but it's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'

[mint]

Thanks, JJ.  For Homeless Woman, replace with Madame la Voisine who smells something terrible, wears a jacket in this weather with one sleeve torn and the stuffing falling out of the hole in the tear and whose hair is shaggier than my dog's (and that's only because I have delayed the dog's appointment with the toiletteur because of the cold weather)![:D]

[bubbles]

Thanks for that., just john.

I'll probably use it when the time is right.

[Gardian]

[quote user="sweet 17"]Thanks, JJ.  For Homeless Woman, replace with Madame la Voisine who smells something terrible, wears a jacket in this weather with one sleeve torn and the stuffing falling out of the hole in the tear and whose hair is shaggier than my dog's (and that's only because I have delayed the dog's appointment with the toiletteur because of the cold weather)![:D][/quote]

Wonderful description SW17 !!

Perhaps a seance with this lady would cure Mr Woods' particular problem?

p.s. When does a rendez-vous become a seance? OH has the former with the doc, but the latter with the physio. Sounds dodgy.

[mint]

Well, Gardian, as far as I can make out, a rendez vous involves 2 persons only  and a seance usually involves more than 2 people sitting round a table holding hands with preferably a medium in their midst. [:D][:P]

However, you might like to check with Mrs G?

 

[Weedon]

Is it okay for a piggy back in your section JJ??

Down and out goes into a hardware store and asks for a bottle of methylated spirits, the shop keeper tells him to clear off and to pull himself together.

Down and out says"You have me all wrong, I am actually a talented artist just trying to turn my life around and I need the meths to clean my brushes in order to start painting again"

Shopkeeper says, "Oh I am sorry I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, just wait here while I get some for you"

Down and out calls out, "Could you make it a cold one?"

 

[Gluestick]

Good grief!

Had me worried for a bit: I thought it was another order from Fuhrer Brown!

In which case I'll enjoy another small libation!

[:D]

 

[Pierre ZFP]

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.  

It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. 

Harold Schlumberg is such a person.

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do once you're retired'?

Well... I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background,

and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.

 

VERY INSPIRING!