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HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT


Mr Coeur de Lion

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The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by this student was so profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when It expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, Which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, It will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1.

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop Until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct .... Leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
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[quote user="Mr Coeur de Lion"]The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, [/quote]

Yeah right! [:P]

All hell would break out if they asked such a nebulous question on an exam paper, a lecturer having some fun in the classroom maybe.

What is the correct answer supposed to be?

At least 50% of the candidates could justifiably appeal against their grade.

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Can you actually believe that in an exam where most students should have their work cut out answering the questions that carry marks they would put a bonus question in for people to postulate on?

And even if they were to would it not be a chemistry question? It is after all the subject, not logic.

Funny piece of creative writing nonetheless.

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The following is summarised from a paper submitted to Applied Optics - a peer reviewed scientific journal. Since, to the best of my knowledge there has been no refutation of this it can be considered to be scientifically valid.

 

Revelations 21:8 “But the fearful and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone.”

So the temperature of Hell must be below the boiling point of sulphur (at which it becomes a vapour and thus cannot be liquid) which is 444.6 degrees C.

Isaiah 30:26 “... the light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days.”

So Heaven receives from the Moon as much radiation as Earth does from the Sun – plus – forty nine times as much radiation as Earth does from the Sun. The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation. Thus Heaven is fifty times as hot as Earth. Appropriate calculation shows that the temperature of Heaven is 525 degrees C.

Heaven is at least 80 degrees C hotter than Hell. The Bible says so.

Applied Optics 11, A14, 1972


 

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In ancient England people could not have sex without the consent of the King (unless you were a member of the royal family). When people wanted to have a child, they had to apply for a permit to the monarch, who gave them a plaque to be hung outside their door while they had relations. The plaque said, "Fornication Under Consent of the King ".Later the local Justices of the Peace allowed the use of an acronym on the plaque. (*.*.*.*).[:-))]  That is the source of such a handy little word.

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Fascinating PP, so you werent joking after all about the F word, if the Spanish site is to be believed, and as all of the other English based phrases were correct I tend to believe so.

Its amazing that I can now read after a fashion in Spanish! I guess having learnt the basics, now having a good French vocabulary where many words are similar and above all having learnt to read by following the flow, setting aside what I dont understand and concentrating on what looks familiar I can understand Spanish text, I am shocked and pleased.

Do they really use the phrase "you are fired!" in Spanish? If so it must be used in a different sense or they would not have explained its origins unless I misinterpreted the explanation. 

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PP

You might like to consider the following entry from the Wikipedia Dictionary. Note the postscript in minuscule print.

 

Etymology

Almost certainly Germanic. Compare Norwegian fukka, Swedish focka, Dutch fokken. First attested in a poem circa 1500 in a humorous fake-Latin form, fvccant (modern spelling fuccant).
The word does not derive from an acronym of any sort.

 

EDIT

The on-line Etymological Dictionary gives the following for the origin of Snob:

1781, "a shoemaker, a shoemaker's apprentice," of unknown origin. It came to be used in Cambridge University slang c.1796 for "townsman, local merchant," and by 1831 it was being used for "person of the ordinary or lower classes." Meaning "person who vulgarly apes his social superiors" arose 1843, popularized 1848 by William Thackeray's "Book of Snobs." The meaning later broadened to include those who insist on their gentility, in addition to those who merely aspire to it, and by 1911 had its main modern sense of "one who despises those considered inferior in rank, attainment, or taste."

I think that your Spanish source may well be entertaining, but it seems far from authoritative.

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