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Womens Etiquette explained to Men!


TWINKLE

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Saw this the Mail - Allison Pearson has decided to do a similar thing to Debretts guide to Etiquette for Girls.

YEAR ONE


ENGLISH: 
Womens Words And How To Define Them: Why, when she says she's 'fine', she doesn't mean it.
MATHS: Analysis Of The Female Use Of  'I'll just be five minutes'.  For a woman, this ranges from ten minutes to two hours.  At least.
PHYSICS: The Washing Machine:
An introduction.
HISTORY: Why She Does Not Want To Meet Your Ex.  Or talk about the great holiday you had with Gill in Phuket.
SOCIOLOGY: Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception.

 

YEAR TWO

BIOLOGY: Pre-Menstrual Tension - Keeping Your Mouth Shut And Other Survival Techniques.

ECONOMICS: What Was Yours Is Now Hers.

IT: The Remote Controm: Breaking your dependancy.

PSYCHOLOGY: Present Giving: Why saucepans are NEVER acceptable.

BOTANY: Reaons To Send Her Flowers.  Why this always works!

MATHS: Advanced Problem Solving/Calculus: Remembering birthdays and anniversaries - you can do it!

 

YEAR THREE

DRAMA: Learning How Not To Interrupt Soliloquies.

ADVANCED BIOLOGY: Staying Awake After Sex.

GEOGRAPHY: Introduction To Globalisation: How to book a foreign holiday

DOMESTIC POLITICS: Conflict Resolution: Why she does not want to spend Christmas with your bonkers family.

INTERNATIONAL LAW:The War On Terror: Coping with two kids under five alone without violating the Geneva Convention.

 

 

 



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>>>Right Twinks, perhaps an interpretation of women might be more useful for us blokes...if that's possible?<<<

Unfortunately when God created Adam and Adam was SO lonely that he pleaded with God to create him a companion, that God ask him to forsake one of his ribs to create Eve, Adam forgot to ask for a 'How to use Woman' manual ....

So here's your downfall blokes!!
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It says it all really MAN!! flu ?...

What is MAN-flu!?! if not some moaning affliction of not being able to go out with the lads 'coz 'er indoors has asked you to look after the kids whilst she is out on duty with the girls to paint the town red!...

Poor Chris!...

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Aaahh! Chris! If I wasn't living so far away I would come and nurse you...

>>>selective hearing exclusively a male affliction<<<

So you are admitting that members of your gender DO have this permanent problem!...

>>>and selective headaches a female one<<<

Selective headache ?... What's that?...

Girls!! Twinks! Jayjay! JK!! Lou!... Help!!

Chris is talking of 'selective headaches' Have you come across those?... Could you give me a crash course in 'selective headaches' ...

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>>> missyesbut said : MAN!! flu ?... What is MAN-flu!?! and Tresco replied : It's what women call 'the common cold'. <<<

Ah!! Nothing that can't be sorted out with a hot shower, warm bed with a boiling hotwater bottle, large whisky and lots of TLC from partner, if there is one around, if not a box of chocolate!...

how to cure the MAN flu though is quite a mystery...
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  I've never had a selective headache before. What are you on about Chris, the man flu must be affecting you badly.

I feel for Mrs H today though...............those affected with man flu tend to whinge a bit! That plus the constant groaning and ill sounds you blokes like to make...............'uuurrr but i'm reaalllllyyyyy ill, groan, grumble'.

Hot honey, lemon and whisky will sort you out.

And eat a clove or 2 of raw garlic.

Louise

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You lasses just don't understand the gravity of man-flu, if I don't make it through the night you'll wish you'd been more sympathetic, apart from Missy, thanks mate, get yer butt over here! ACTUALLY I've tabbed 10k through woodland today trying to shake it off but that failed so it's plan B, alot of red wine!

edited, usual rubbish grammar

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>>>I feel for Mrs H today though.... <<<

Don't worry louweezel!

Mrs H. will give him as good as she gets!! That's why he is on the forum trying to get sympathy from us!...

And dya knowat !! we must be blonde to pamper to his whingeing !.....

PS : Must be contagious this MAN-flu! OH has just arrived back from a biking weekend with his mates and is complaining of 'flu' symptoms!

Just as well I start work at 8 tomorrow !
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[quote user="Chris Head"] ACTUALLY I've tabbed 10k through woodland today trying to shake it off but that failed so it's plan B, alot of red wine![/quote]

Chris, if you really had flu you wouldn't be able to lift a glass of wine to your lips, let alone traipse around the woods.

I rest my case.

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Well Chris, I have been hobbling around on a pair of crutches for the last week and I have had nowt but simpathy from my lovely wife. I hate to think what I would have had from this lot after the operation on my foot put me in agony for such a while. Never mind, we blokes will out and show the way in the end.

I even had to go through the process of not having more than a small glass of wine because of the painkillers, but would this lot have given me any simpathy, I doubt it?

They go on about child birth, but they never think of the poor bloke who had to start the ball roling in the first place and who has to put up with the sleepless nights, after the child is born, not being able to sleep because of the noise of nappies being changed. Oh what we men have to put up with... [Www]! Having to dodge all the nappies on the line (crikey that dates me don't it?).

I will go and rest my weary head now and try to do some more recovery tomorrow [B]. Knight, knight!

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