Missy Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Now .... Chris, Cassis, Leo, Dick, Jonzy and all the men of the forum, I thought that you would benefit from this language/vocabulary lesson as you often, if not always, complain that us the ladies [:$] are unfathomable in our language, comportment and general behaviour. So here it goes....1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when THEY are right and YOU need to shut up. 2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something and YOU should be on your toes. Arguments which begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, NOT a permission. Don't Do It! 5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word be it a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why is she wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. 'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, DO NOT question or faint. Just say 'you're welcome!' 8.) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying UP yours.9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement which means that there is something a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'what's wrong'... For the woman's response do refer to # 3. [6][:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hobnob_bob Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Very true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nufan Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Say, I've just learned a lot...Thank you so much, i'll copy/paste this and have it ready somewhere in case of an emergency...[:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PossumGirl Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Wow, MB, do you think you should have told them? Now they'll know ALL of our secret signals!PG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWINKLE Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Don't forget - if she asks you ANY of these questions:"Do I look ok?""Is my bum too big in this?""What did you just say?""Are you listening?" Just respond quickly with: "Would you like some chocolate darling" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nufan Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 That's a good one too...I'll put it at the end of my list ! ! !Thanks girls ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterG Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Good advice Twinkle. I thought learning French was bad enough but learning "women" is far harder.I always get stuck on the "Does this make my bum look big"?I panic, go into a cold sweat and without thinkingh, answer "No darling it's your big fat **se that makes it look big".The result of which is usually blurred vision, numbness, bruising and the odd spot of blood from my nostrils. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 I find it as not as difficult as you make out here. Our occasional disagreements always end in harmony when she says "Do what you like. You're always right anyway." Or have I got this wrong? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted November 3, 2006 Author Share Posted November 3, 2006 [quote user="PossumGirl"]Wow, MB, do you think you should have told them? Now they'll know ALL of our secret signals! PG[/quote]Possum my girl! We can always out fox Men .... They will have forgotten the lesson as soon as they are out of the classroom.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 What lesson was that? [8-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Smith Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Which classroom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 What school? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Head Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Don't forget - if she asks you ANY of these questions: Correct answers are as follows chaps....."Do I look ok?" Depends how you define OK love, but on balance I think Kylie would look better in that."Is my bum too big in this?" Yes."What did you just say?" I was talking to the dog (phew, thank god she didn't hear!)"Are you listening?" About three o'clock I think.Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renaud Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 I forwarded the original posting to a colleague, this is her response:Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress-$5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renaud Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Actually garage mechanics tell nobody the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tresco Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 [quote user="Renaud"] You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. .[/quote]That's because, when left to your own devices, you only know how to buy gift vouchers.[:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 Problem with buying clothes for a woman, they're always the wrong size. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tresco Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 [quote user="Cassis"]Problem with buying clothes for a woman, they're always the wrong size.[/quote]And then there's the fact that they are always just plain wrong, too.[;-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEO Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 [quote user="Cassis"]Problem with buying clothes for a woman, they're always the wrong size.[/quote]Could you not find a woman who is the right size!Leo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayJay Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 [quote user="Renaud"] The world is your urinal.[/quote]That's for both sexes now![;-)] http://www.pmate.co.uk/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEO Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 [quote user="JayJay"][quote user="Renaud"] The world is your urinal.[/quote]That's for both sexes now![;-)] http://www.pmate.co.uk/[/quote]Had a quick peek at the web site and copied an pasted below , one of the added benefits!Skiing – don’t get caught short on the piste Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 [quote user="LEO"][quote user="Cassis"]Problem with buying clothes for a woman, they're always the wrong size.[/quote]Could you not find a woman who is the right size!Leo[/quote]At last. Here she is.[img]http://re3.mm-a3.yimg.com/image/851523374[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted November 3, 2006 Author Share Posted November 3, 2006 >>>Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?......Three pairs of shoes are more than enough…….. One wallet and one pair of shoes -<<<Typical!! MEN cannot make up their minds!! One pair or three…! And they blame us Ladies of that syndrome….>>>You can play with toys all your life. <<<….and we know which one is your favorite!>>>Your belly usually hides your big hips.<<<…..and a lot more … Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 I'm getting lost about who's saying what now. I'm a simple man and don't have the loan of the brain cell tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted November 3, 2006 Author Share Posted November 3, 2006 >>> .... I'm a simple man and don't have the loan of the brain cell tonight.<<<Did they all go 'pop!!' at once when Jude gave you too much of a grilling! You do ask for it Dear Sausage..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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