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Beware Of The Onion Woman!


Furry Knickers

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I just think I should warn all the grand people here to get the bracks in tonight, because it is Pooky Night!

It is a terrible fearsome time for all me family still in Ireland, they are all pertified of this night when the dreaded pooky comes looking for his brack and all the clouds go missing from the sky. All the poor owl ones in Kildare will have been making their bracks for weeks! I remember in 1976 when tellyvisions were invented in Kildare, we all loved The Partridge family and Columbo and Land Of The Giants. These shows introduced trick or treat to us, and to the young childer, Pooky night gradually became Thick or Sweet.  We all had at least one thick in the family (me aunty Etty had 3 of them) and now the kids go round with a big thick demanding sweets. If they don't get any sweets,  the thick will be entitled by law, to kiss your dog 6 times on the lips!  Poor Jerry Consatine was the biggest ejit in Kildare.  He once stole all the clouds in Carbury! Then one day, he went round the village selling the clouds to the owl ones that he knew were scared of the Pooky! Legend has it, that you are safe from them if a cloud hangs over your house. He got reported by Mrs Hoolihan to the Gards, and was taken away in a Black Maria in 1979. They discovered a heap of clouds in his shed and he was charged with robbery. I heard he was released though, because all the evidence they had was just circumcised.

[kiss]

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Wel, well, well. What's all this then?

Mr Nix on a rare outing, in daylight!

What happens if you live somewhere where there are no clouds? 

Circumsized evidence suggests there'll be a whole lot of Pooky going on in Brittany tonight. [:P]

Mind you, residents of that area seem to be find it difficult to tell night from day at the best of times [:)]

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That picture has frighted the living Jazus outa me!

It is the image of the woman from the vegetable shop in Lower Beagle (they say she is part lesbian)

I got a call from me cousin Gabriel with the speech embodiment. Was I telling ya he recently moved to Pluckerstown? Well all the local youngsters were out tonight making a laugh of him "twick or tweet" they were shouting and threatening to shove a wild budgie through his letterbox. He was very upset! He told me that the last owner of his new house dissapeared on Pooky Night ten years ago, he was never heard of again! There is not a cloud in the sky tonight, and I am on me own in the house with me pug and we are very much scared! We heard some extra curricular activity on the landing, well Poor John (me pug) the poor little whore scuttered all over the bed with fear! Then we heard footsteps approaching the bedroom door, then we heard this tapping on the door! well then I scuttered all over the bed with fear!  We are now hiding under the bedspread untill daylight and trembling with the fright, if we are not out by thursday, will you please call the police!

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[quote user="FurryKnickers"]

It is the image of the woman from the vegetable shop in Lower Beagle (they say she is part lesbian)

[/quote]

Which part would that be then?

 

Please don't be frightned FK - just remember what old Smokey once said,  "It was just my imagination - running away with me..."

I hope you are able to get rid of all that scutter off your bedspread.

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We are here!

Thanks for calling the cops,  Mrs Animal and Twinkypoo! How did yous manage to get into me bedroom though?

They sent round the lovely Constable Detomaso Mangusta (a Welsh lad) in his helicopter, and he caught our extra colestoral being! it turned out to be the big woman from Mudskippers Lane, looking to rob me onion supply that I got in for the week for me stews. I decided not to press charges as I think she is a bit quare and she was wearing a blue crimplene coat. Poor John (me pug) is not the better of the ordeal, and is on Prozac as a result. He is still trembling like one of them mad jelly shaped rabbits.

I have terrible news about the bedspread though! It is ruined,  so I decided to donate it to Age Concern. That picture of the bed reminds me of of that song that was a big hit for Frank Sinatra back in the 60's! I can't remember the title, but it went......

As I came home on a friday night, as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a poodle upon the bed, where my owl pug should be

Well I called me wife and I said to her, would ya kindly tell to me

Who owns that poodle upon the bed where my owl pug should be........

It was a lovely romantic song that really gets you in the mood for love!

[kiss]

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