A Christmas story for you

[Pierre ZFP]

When four of Santa's elves fell ill, and the trainee elves did not

produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to

feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This

stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were

about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven

knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the

toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of cider and a

shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the Elves

had hidden the booze, and there was nothing to drink. In his

frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into

hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the

broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.

He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big

Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa.

Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you

like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas

tree.[+o(]

[Lori]

cute

[Bugsy]

Another one. (bit rude, but funny)

After the annual office party blow-out, Colin woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn.

"You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire senior management and insulted the Regional Director to his face."

"He's an as**ole. I should have p**sed on him."

 
"You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" yelled Colin.

 
"I did.................................................... You're back at work on Monday."

[Bugsy]

And another................

A pompous minister was seated next to an Essex boy on a Christmas flight to New York. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Essex boy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by ten whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Essex boy looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,

"I didn't know we had a choice."

[Lori]

too funny !