Still painful after all these years

[Kitty]

Ten years ago today , I had a baby son, Edward, who died 4 days later from a hospital accident (their fault).

I do have 4 other children but it's still so painful.

 

[Panda]

Gosh how awful for you Cathy, I'm sure it never gets any easier despite what they say.  I had a traumatic experience with my son on holiday when he was tiny and seven years on I still can not recount the tale without feeling the same panic and utter despair.  I'm sure for you it's a million fold worse, I hope you can draw some comfort from the rest of your children.

Best wishes

Panda

[Suze01]

I'm so very sorry to hear that Cathy.  I have a daughter who will be 10 next month, I can't imagine life without her: when she was two she was seriously ill and we thought we were going to lose her. It must be so difficult for you having spent so little time with Edward. <<<hugs>>>

[Patf]

I hardly know what to say - how very sad for you and your family. I guess he will always be there in your heart as he was when he was tiny. Bon Courage.

[Gemonimo]

Oh Cathy, your story is just too sad and it is true, you never 'get over' the loss of a loved one especially not a child. You will carry the love you had for your little boy deep in your heart and he will always be with you. but then, you probably know this already.  I do hope you are able to share not only your pain with the rest of your family but the joy that Edward was a beautiful, loved child even though his life was so short. Jen.

[memb]

How sad. Really feel for you.  Edward will always be your son and will always be in your heart and will always know you were his special Mum.  My thoughts are with you.

[Frenchie]

SO are mine . I understand this so well, but don't feel able to talk about it .. 

[Kitty]

Thank you everyone.  I've lit a candle for him.  The dripping wax looks like tears.  Silly of me to share something so personal in such a public way but when I posted the note this morning, I felt so bereft.  The moment has passed now.

 

[Jacqui Too]

How brave of you Cathy to post such a personal thing but I do understand how you feel today.

It will be 10 years next march that I lost my daughter Victoria in a car accident, she was 19 years old.

When anniversaries come around it is so hard and I know there is some comfort in sharing your feelings with others.

My friend has just lost her husband to cancer and I never like give my opinion on how any one will grieve so in a card I wrote ' I am not a very religious person, but I know where our loved ones go when they leave us, they are in the hearts and memories of all who loved and knew them and that will never die' For  me I like to think that Victoria is in my heart she came from me and has returned forever.

Its only natural to feel this today Cathy

Jackie

 

[Geordie girl]

Hi Cathy, my grandson died 7 years ago this sunday 2nd dec. My sympathys are with you and i hope this helps

 

In a baby castle, just beyond my eye,

My baby plays with angel toys that money cannot buy,

Who am i to wish him back into this world of strife,

No, play on my baby for you have eternal life

At night when all is silent and sleep forsakes my eyes,

I will hear his tiny footsteps come running to my side,

His little hands caress me so tenderly and sweet,

I will breathe a prayer and close my eyes and embrace him in my sleep.

Now i have a treasure that i rate above all other,

I have known true glory...........................I AM STILL HIS MOTHER

 

 

Sorry Cathy, i am crying as i type this but i thought it might give you some comfort

Harry was our first grandchild and we lost him suddenly aged 14 months.

[Kitty]

Geordie, I'm going to print it out and put it up on my wall.  Yes, I am still his mother.  When someone asks me how many children I have, I would like to say that I am a mother of five, but somehow, I can't because of going into explanations etc.  But I know that I am.

Just as you are always Harry's grandmother.

Two months after Edward died, I lost my brother to cancer.  I only have to close my eyes and I see the two of them hand in hand.  It's quite comforting.

Crying?  You and me both.  But we honour them with our tears.

 

[Kitty]

Jackie

Your pain will be far, far worse than mine. I'm grieving for something I never had.  Your grief is harder to bear.  I say this with conviction.  I've just said in a post that my brother died two months after Edward and, at the time, the bereavement for my brother was so much harder and still is.

Victoria will be forever young.

And you are right, they do not die.  They do enter our hearts - forever

 

[raindog]

This is so tragic.

If anything ever happened to our grandson I don't know what we'd do.

[Geordie girl]

Thanks Cathy, I was a bit worried about giving you that verse but i liked it and my daughter found it very comforting. We both carry a copy everywhere with us. I know what you mean when people ask how many children you`ve got. It can be difficult. We waited years for our first grandchild, Harry, and we adored him as you adored Edward, and then he had his MMR on the wednesday and died on the sunday. We are still very bitter.

 

 

Edit

We now have two more grandsons but always tell people we`ve got three when asked

[Geordie girl]

Raindog he`s gorgeous so treasure him every day  [:D]

[Sunday Driver]

I have a daughter who is 26 years old and every day she makes me more proud of her.  I don't normally read threads like this, probably because I don't feel I would 'connect' with any of the sentiments expressed.

I made the exception in this case, and I must say, I have found it to be profoundly moving.  Geordie's verse was so vivid in it's poignancy as were the gentle words of support.

I can't really say any more at this moment..... 

 

[Kitty]

Sunday Driver - you know you are very special because you say all the right things and give amazing advice.  Thanks to you, I registered Disco, my Land Rover, and she is gracing the roads around the Medoc.

 

[londoneye]

Oh Cathy sweetheart, I am sure that there are many people like me who have read this, and are thinking of you, and feeling for you today, but they probably, like me, feel a bit 'out of their depth' in responding to you, because they have not had the misfortune to go through this experience.

If there is such a thing as an after-life, and frankly I haven't a clue, then I am sure your brother is doing exactly what you imagine he is, caring for your baby.     What a lovely thought.

[Suze01]

[quote user="Cathy"]

Crying?  You and me both.

 

[/quote]

I'm sure that anyone reading this thread will also be shedding some tears - I know I am.  It is the most moving thread I've ever read and those that have been bereaved have been incredible in sharing that with everyone here.

[Catalpa]

[quote user="Cathy"]Silly of me to share something so personal in such a public way but when I posted the note this morning, I felt so bereft.[/quote]

I don't think it is silly. It's a way of re-confirming Edward's existence in the world for however short a period. I'm sorry for your loss.

[vervialle]

Cathy my auntie had her first baby in hospital and a nursed dropped him and he died,she lost all faith in the hospital and had her second baby at home.Philip was only two days old, but we talk about him and he is really part of our family just not here.Perhaps by telling us another mountain has been climbed, by you, by way of sharing your grief with us in a public way and you will never know how many people you have helped by telling your story.It may very well give them the courage to share their grief, because it may be a comfort to know you are not alone.

[Jacqui Too]

[quote user="Cathy"]

Jackie

Your pain will be far, far worse than mine.

[/quote]

Cathy I'm sure this is not true. We all grieve in different ways, people used to say how brave I was. its not brave to carry on living, whats the alternative? there is no real alternative.

My grieving went in many stages from disbelief, anger (yes anger how could she have been so stupid) hopelessness ( will I ever be happy again), depression ( how much more of this can I take) eventual acceptance, living without her, getting on with my life, planning for the future. After 4/5 years I think it stopped affecting my life on a daily basis and life started to look up, I was able to go through her things, every year I would turn out more things, things I couldn't the year before and so it went on, now I only have a small amount of her thing that I can't bring myself to part with.

I'm an optimist and that and the love of my husband and other daughter made life worth living. I think of her every day and they are good memories, I had 19 years worth of memories, I think how lucky I was to have had her for that time.

Now more that nine years later our lives are good, we are happy again, we have got a future full of hope and adventure, there will always be tears and longing for her but I would rather that than never to have had her at all.

Many of my 'new friends' don't know about Victoria because I don't tell them as a matter of fact. But if I meet an old friend or someone who knew her and they mention her name and remember something about her I am delighted not saddened.

Jackie

[Kitty]

Chipie/Jackie - It was lovely to hear your thoughts.  Time doesn't heal but it does make coping with loss all the more easier.

In 1973, my best friend, Bev, died in an accident on the M5 motorway.  She was 15.  One of the hardest things was not being able to say goodbye.

But if the absolutely pointless tragedy of her death gave me anything, it was the knowledge to try to live every year as if it could be your last.   Since then, I have lived life (e.g. take risks such as coming to live in France) and it was she gave me that ability.  So I know that Victoria gave that gift to her young friends.  And I also know that she will live on in all their hearts, as well as your own.

Crickey, everyone, let's talk about going to the Forum Christmas party instead.  Then Victoria and Harry and Edward and everyone else's loved ones, including Frenchie's, can see us living life.  Mine's a Martini cocktail please...

 

[Frenchie]

I'll have a glass of champagne then ..     Cathy, I ve PMd you.

[Geordie girl]

Cathy i don`drink so can i have chocolate instead please [:D]