Gluestick Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 In this one you have to post your own new self-composed limericks.And your favourite old (clean!) ones as well!Try and write with good scansion and rhyme, remembering punctuation is often essential to the metre.There was a young lady, Miss Bryers,Whose hobby, was starting up fires!She then switched to men,And, when she'd reached ten,Said, I've swopped doing fires for pyres! Old One:There was a young lady of Wantage,Of whom, the Town Clerk took advantage.The Borough Surveyor,Said, you'll have to pay 'er:You've altered the scope of her frontage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 There was a young man from EvreuxTo Paris wanted to goHe travelled by rail(says he drives like a snail)But you should see escargot [:-))] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Sorry, this one's not finished - but it's been driving me bonkers for years - can anyone help?There was a young girl from MontpellierWho's armpits grew steadily smellier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 [quote user="raindog"]Sorry, this one's not finished - but it's been driving me bonkers for years - can anyone help?There was a young girl from MontpellierWho's armpits grew steadily smellier[/quote]They became so badOnly one solution was hadTo take them to l'atelier how's that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 Or.........There was a young girl from Montpellier Whose armpits grew steadily smellier. Then it all came OK, When she met, one fine day. A kind, yet anosmic, sommelier! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 haha very good. Mixing French with English to reach the end - never thought of that!But why does she take them to the atelier? [8-)] To get them fixed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Another French word to finish!(what does anosmic mean? [8-)]) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 No sense of smell: Anosmia is the complaint: ergo someone with no sense of smell is anosmic.Bloody useless when the diner says, "Waiter! This damned wine is corked!!"[:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 [quote user="raindog"]haha very good. Mixing French with English to reach the end - never thought of that!But why does she take them to the atelier? [8-)] To get them fixed?[/quote]well yes that was the idea. Anyway, gimme a break - it was driving you bonkers for years and I knocked that off in 2 minutes!!! (everyone's a critic [;-)] ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Well you've both got further than me [:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 A genial young vicar, from Hythe, Whilst slender, was sinewy and lythe. A parishioner, Mellissa, Got him to kiss 'er. And now he can wriggle: and writhe! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 There once was a gal from Toulouserenowned for her well-polished shoes.From a certain perspectivethey were highly reflective,which led to some interesting views! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 Cathy: just brilliant and very amusing![:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 There was a young girl from MontpellierWho's armpits grew steadily smellierShe began to feel glumAnd so did her mumBut one day a man came and jumped on 'erBeen out on the bike and gave this some thought, and i've managed to finish it without resorting to French words ending in ier.[Www]edit: b*gger, that was meant to be "fell on 'er" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 There was a young girl from MontpellierWho's armpits grew steadily smellierIf only she'd have learnt how to shaveShe could have gone out with Davebut upon smelling the ponghe knew something was wrongand took the next plane to Saint Helier ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Oh yes, a place name - very good.[:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 There was a young girl from Montpellierwho's armpits grew steadily smellier...if she raised both her handsthen the whiff of those glandscould strip paint from a barn door, I'm tellin' yer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raindog Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I don't think anyone's going to beat that Cat! [:D] class Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 A truculent plumber, McTavish,Entertained, in a style which was lavish;A wee pibroch, per man,In a galvanised pan,All topped with a shiny red radish! Old Ones:There was a young lady, Miss Perkins,Who was terribly fond of small gherkins:Then, one day, at tea,She ate fifty three;And pickled her internal workins'!_________________There was a young lady from Norway,Who hung, by her feet, from the doorway.She said, to her man,Come as quick as you can!I think I've discovered one more way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 An arrogant golfer, called SpryWhen confused by a difficult lie,Took up his baffy,Wiggled a daffy,And knotted his club in his tie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Not mine but a favourite that I know by heart:There was a young man called Burke,Who pulled up his cart with a jerk,As his load of manureWas a bit insecure,He was up to his eyes in his work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 A truculent butcher named Topp,Chunks of meat off a carcass would lop.His clientele pleaded,Good cuts here are needed!Watch out! Or we'll give you the chop!_______________________ Old Ones:Little Jap; Big smile!Big river! Crocodile!One snap;No Jap!________________________A charming young fisher called Fisher,Once fished from the edge of a fissure.A large fish with a grin,Pulled young Fisher in:Now, they're fishing the fissure for Fisher!____________________________Billy, in one of his nice new sashes,Fell into the fire and was burnt to ashes.And now, although the room grows chilly,I haven't the heart,To poke poor Billy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trees Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 The was a young man from Japan,Who was asked why his limericks never scanned.His answer then was, "This is because,""I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can!"There was a young man from Darjeeling,Who got on a bus bound for Ealing.A sign on the door,Said "Don't spit on the floor", So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.There was a young lady from Leeds,Who swallowed a packet of seeds.At the end of an hour, Her boobs were in flower, But her ****y was covered in weeds!If the last one offends anyone, sorry in advance[;-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted March 6, 2008 Author Share Posted March 6, 2008 Nice to have you here, trees.When I first read your first one (Boy's Own Paper circa 1951!! Which I probably have in a BOP binder in the soon to be cleared out loft!): it went:There was a young man from Japan,Who's verses would rhyme, but not scan.When asked why he did it,He thought for a minute,And said: well, you see, I like to get as many words in the last line as I possibly can!Any more out there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 A Calvanist PM named Brown, Was a grumpy and boring old clown. He lied to the House; The scurrilous louse! Amidst shouts and demands to step down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.