Bugsy Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 For this to work it's important not to veer from the thread.Short is good...............................To begin.Betty began to wonder as to why she had chosen to buy a cottage in such a remote part of France. Miles from anywhere and her nearest neighbour had gone away for a month to visit relatives in Malta.It was pitch black outside and the wind was whistling through the trees. She suddenly felt very lonely and longed for some company. A dim light appeared outside her window and there was a knock on the door .......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 It was her very good friend Dick Smith dressed as Santa and a little worse for wear after a couple of bottles of Pride which he had not had for a few months because he was trying to kick the habit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "Merry Christmas", warbled Dick, "I thought you cu' prob'ly do wirra bit a company, being as how it's cold an' aal that, like. Do yer know there's a mistake in the spellin' of yer house name sign?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "i'm lookin'fer Miki.........'es my best mate, 'e is, an'i luv 'im" said Dick, as Betty ushered him inside, fearing that even in the remote hinterlands of la France profonde, someone may be watching. It was clear he was very drunk, from the uncharacteristically bad grammar he was using. Betty took a step back in horror. She'd seen plenty of drunks in her time, but never before had she witnessed something like this................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "Ha yer gorra bucket?" slurred Dick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Before Betty could respond, she witnessed what appeared to be a rather unnatural movement in the lower reaches of Dick's santa outfit. She quickly averted her gaze, but too late, for Dick plunged his hand beneath the costume, rooted around, and produced a kitten.....and another...and another.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Betty ran into the kitchen and came back with a bucket. "Here" she said, "Put the kittens in here".Dick pulled the bucket over his head and sat down heavily on top of the dog in the corner of the salon. Something continued to stir in his trousers. The kittens began to climb up the tree by the fireplace.At that moment there came another knock on the door and the sound of a beautiful fairy-like voice singing."God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen ...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugsy Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Oh Dick, it's sounds like Carol singers, do take that bucket off your head and let them in. I'll put some mince pies in the oven to warm............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 ... said Betty as she skipped lightly into the kitchen.Dick staggered towards the door. Unfortunately he had forgotten to remove the bucket and, not seeing one of the kittens by the hearth, stepped on the poor creature and slipped headfirst into the fire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 It was a big fairy woodcutter . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 He was at the door singing carols. He hacked it down with his chainsaw and newly acquired axe and burst in on the scene. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 error Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugsy Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 (All input to date)Betty began to wonder as to why she had chosen to buy a cottage in such a remote part of France. Miles from anywhere and her nearest neighbour had gone away for a month to visit relatives in Malta.It was pitch black outside and the wind was whistling through the trees. She suddenly felt very lonely and longed for some company. A dim light appeared outside her window and there was a knock on the door ..........................It was her very good friend Dick Smith dressed as Santa and a little worse for wear after a couple of bottles of Pride which he had not had for a few months because he was trying to kick the habit."Merry Christmas", warbled Dick, "I thought you cu' prob'ly do wirra bit a company, being as how it's cold an' aal that, like. Do yer know there's a mistake in the spellin' of yer house name sign?""i'm lookin'fer Miki.........'es my best mate, 'e is, an'i luv 'im" said Dick, as Betty ushered him inside, fearing that even in the remote hinterlands of la France profonde, someone may be watching. It was clear he was very drunk, from the uncharacteristically bad grammar he was using. Betty took a step back in horror. She'd seen plenty of drunks in her time, but never before had she witnessed something like this..................."Ha yer gorra bucket?" slurred Dick.Before Betty could respond, she witnessed what appeared to be a rather unnatural movement in the lower reaches of Dick's santa outfit. She quickly averted her gaze, but too late, for Dick plunged his hand beneath the costume, rooted around, and produced a kitten.....and another...and another.... Betty ran into the kitchen and came back with a bucket. "Here" she said, "Put the kittens in here".Dick pulled the bucket over his head and sat down heavily on top of the dog in the corner of the salon. Something continued to stir in his trousers. The kittens began to climb up the tree by the fireplace.At that moment there came another knock on the door and the sound of a beautiful fairy-like voice singing."God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen ...."Oh Dick, it's sounds like Carol singers, do take that bucket off your head and let them in. I'll put some mince pies in the oven to warm...............Dick staggered towards the door. Unfortunately he had forgotten to remove the bucket and, not seeing one of the kittens by the hearth, stepped on the poor creature and slipped headfirst into the fire.It was a big fairy woodcutter who was singing beautiful carols outside. When he heard the screams he smashed the door with his axe. who was singing carols at the door. Hearing Dick's screams he hacked down the door with his chainsaw and burst in on the scene. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "Oh Gawd", said Dick as he stared up from the fireplace, "Ere we go again"."I have come to offer you Yuletide Festivities" said the BFW. "Let bygones be bygones in this season of goodwill" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 ... closely followed by several lambs, wearing rather fetching reindeer outfits."What the hell have you done to my door" demanded Betty. "Oh, actually, that's rather clever Chris, have you ever thought of doing that for a living".Meanwhile Dick, having removed the red-hot bucket from his head, was trying to smooth what remained of the singed stubble that had once been his magnificent beard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 At this moment the kittens spotted the reindeer-lambs and pounced upon their backs, as kittens will do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Just as it seemed that the room was about to errupt in a disastrous fashion, a bright light appeared in the east, and a loud voice boomed down from above..."Dick Smith, you have been warned before about inappropriate kittens, how many times do you need to be told, remove them forthwith, or I shall be forced to remove them for you".So he did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 However, as he tried to remove them from the reindeers back they clung on for deer ([:P]) life. Their claws dug so far into their back they started buckerooing around the kitchen just as Betty was bringing the mince pies from the oven. The BFW screamed and stood on a chair as he was very afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "Right, that's it", boomed the Big Voice from up the chimney "You asked for this". A cloud of soot and smoke belched into the room as Gay descended thechimney and landed in a flutter of petticoats in the grate,smothering the fire as she did do. She stepped gracefully from theashes and looked at the assembled party, a tiny smudge of soot on her dainty nose.The BFW looked at his toes in shame and blushed prettily as he swungone foot to and fro. The sequins on his pink dress glittered inthe lights from the tree. The lambs bounced out into the snow with the kittens still holding on tight and disappeared into the forest. Dick grinned in a silly fashion and steadied himself against the mantlepiece, hiccupping gently.Betty put down her tray of mince pies on the table. "How lovely of youall to drop in" she said gaily, "Anyone for a sherry and a mince pie?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "Oh Gay", exclaimed BFW excitedly, "What a beautiful gown and the colour is most fetching""You will have to work harder than that my boy", said Gay in a firm fashion."Of all the people this fairy godmother has to look after, you and Dick Smith give me the biggest headache. I, like most of you enjoy a glass of wine on a saturday evening, but I can't even do that when you to are around." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerise Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 A further ring at the bell sent lambs, kittens and Dick sprawling. Betty, who by now really was fed up, asked Gay to answer the door. There stood a festive sausage with mistletoe poking from the end (not sure is sausages have orifices) saying "Somone mentioned a few glasses of wine ....?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "Hmmm lovely" thought Betty, "They had completely sold out of sausages at Tesco"."Yes, my darling", she called, "Come in and have a nice warm by the fire, here wrap this blanket around you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "That's very kind" said the sausage, who was a jolly handsome fellow. He pulled around him the blanket which Betty had given him. "Nice stripey pattern", he said, "and very snug and warm, but smells a bit of smoky bacon". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 "What's that you say my dear" asked Betty, "why yes, the blanket does smell a little like smokey bacon, but don't you worry your poor old sausage-head about that, and hold still whilst I brush you with butter."At this a large tear rolled slowly down the cheek of the poor sausage, and he turned to the fairy godmother and cried "but I only wanted you to help me update my profile, how you you mistreat me so"."Could you just move a little closer to the fire dear" said Betty, licking her lips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Meanwhile BFW gave the little sausage a wink saying,"Ooooh I do like a bit of sausage myself".Dick rubbed his tummy which was making loud rumbling noises.Suddenly, the door flew open and in hopped a blue rabbit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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