Bugsy Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Economic Models ExplainedSOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour.COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk.FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk.NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you.BUREAUCRATISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.TRADITIONAL CAPITALISMYou have two cows.You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income.SURREALISMYou have two giraffes.The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.AN AMERICAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISMYou have two cows.You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.No balance sheet provided with the release.The public then buys your bull.A FRENCH CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.A JAPANESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market it worldwide.A GERMAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.AN ITALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows, but you don't know where they are.You decide to have lunch.A RUSSIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You count them and learn you have five cows.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.A SWISS CORPORATIONYou have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.A CHINESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.AN INDIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You worship them.A BRITISH CORPORATIONYou have two cows.One is mad and the other has had to be put in storage because of the health and safety risks of milking it.AN IRAQI CORPORATIONEveryone thinks you have lots of cows.You tell them that you have none.Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.Business seems pretty good.You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATIONYou have two cows.The one on the left looks very attractive.[:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WJT Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 OK, now I finally understand. Thank you [:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chancer Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Brilliant [:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judith Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Seen it before in French and English, both slightly different, and I see that this time it has been updated - but yes, it's very clever and almost explains it for me!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DerekJ Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 I like that... [:D][:D][:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugsy Posted March 4, 2010 Author Share Posted March 4, 2010 Added by a friend [:)]The Labour Government: Has two cows worth about £500.00. Itspends 2 million on cameras and surveillance, another 25 million on aquango to oversee the operation. It then finds out one of the cows isan illegal immigrant but gives it a nice barn and free food anyway.Neither cow gives any milk but that doesn't matter because the entiregovernment milk bill is on expenses and a friend of Gordon Brown ownsthe local supermarket, and for a free house and car he issues receiptsshowing milk at £100,000.00 a pint.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judith Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Comprendre le principe des régimes politiques avec 2 vachesSocialismeVous avez 2 vaches. Vos voisins vous aident à vous en occuper et vous partagez le lait.CommunismeVous avez 2 vaches. Le gouvernement vous prend les deux et vous fournit en lait.FascismeVous avez 2 vaches. Le gouvernement vous prend les deux et vous vend le lait. NazismeVous avez 2 vaches. Le gouvernement vous prend la vache blonde et abat la brune.DictatureVous avez 2 vaches. Les miliciens les confisquent et vous fusillent.FéodalitéVous avez 2 vaches. Le seigneur s'arroge la moitié du lait.DémocratieVous avez 2 vaches. Un vote décide à qui appartient le lait.Démocratie représentativeVous avez 2 vaches. Une élection désigne celui qui décidera à qui appartiendra le lait.Démocratie de SingapourVous avez 2 vaches. Vous écopez d'une amende pour détention de bétail en appartement.AnarchieVous avez 2 vaches. Vous les laissez se traire en autogestion.CapitalismeVous avez 2 vaches. Vous en vendez une et vous achetez un taureau pour faire des petits. Capitalisme de Hong-KongVous avez 2 vaches. Vous en vendez 3 à votre société cotée en Bourse en utilisant des lettres de créance ouvertes par votre beau-frère auprès de votre banque. Puis vous faites un "échange de lettres contre participation", assorti d'une offre publique, et vous récupérez 4 vaches dans l'opération tout en bénéficiant d'un abattement fiscal pour l'entretien de 5 vaches. Les droits sur le lait de 6 vaches sont alors transférés par un intermédiaire panaméen sur le compte d'une société des iles Caïman détenue clandestinement par un actionnaire qui revend à votre société cotée les droits sur le lait de 7 vaches. Au rapport de la dite société figurent 8 ruminants avec option d'achat sur une bête supplémentaire. Entretemps vous abattez les 2 vaches parce que leur horoscope est défavorable.Capitalisme sauvageVous avez 2 vaches. Vous vendez l'une, vous forcez l'autre à produire comme 4 et vous licenciez l'ouvrier qui s'en occupait en l'accusant d'être inutile. BureaucratieVous avez 2 vaches. Le gouvernement publie des règles d'hygiène qui vous invitent à en abattre une. Après quoi il vous fait déclarer la quantité de lait que vous avez pu traire de l'autre. Il vous achète le lait et il le jette. Enfin, il vous fait remplir des formulaires pour déclarer la vache manquante. ÉcologieVous avez 2 vaches. Vous gardez le lait et le gouvernement vous achète la bouse.FéminismeVous avez 2 vaches. Le gouvernement vous inflige une amende pour discrimination. Vous échangez une de vos vaches pour un taureau que vous trayez lui aussi.SurréalismeVous avez 2 vaches. Le gouvernement exige que vous leur donniez des leçons d'harmonica.Capitalisme européenVous avez 2 vaches. On vous subventionne la première année pour en acheter une troisième. On fixe les quotas la deuxième année et vous payez une amende pour surproduction. On vous donne une prime la troisième année pour abattre la troisième vache.Monarchie constitutionnelle britanniqueVous avez 2 vaches. Vous tuez une des vaches pour la donner à manger à l'autre. La vache vivante devient folle. L'Europe vous subventionne pour l'abattre. Vous la donnez à manger à vos moutons. Capitalisme à la françaiseVous avez 2 vaches. Pour financer la retraite de vos vaches, le gouvernement décide de lever un nouvel impôt : la CSSANAB (Cotisation Sociale de Solidarité Avec Nos Amies les Bêtes). Deux ans après, comme la France a récupéré une partie du cheptel britannique, le système est déficitaire. Pour financer le déficit, on lève un nouvel impôt sur la production de lait : le RAB (Remboursement de l'Ardoise Bovine). Les vaches se mettent en grève. Il n'y a plus de lait. Les Français sont dans la rue : "DU LAIT, ON VEUT DU LAIT!" La France construit un lactoduc sous la Manche pour s'approvisionner auprès des Anglais. L'Europe déclare le lait anglais impropre à la consommation. On lève un nouvel impôt pour l'entretien du lactoduc devenu inutile. Régime corseVous avez deux cochons qui courent dans la forêt. Vous déclarez 200 vaches et vous touchez les subventions européennes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judith Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 SOCIALISM: You have two cows, and you give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM: You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM: You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM: You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Yourherd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on theincome. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to takeharmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force theother to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant toanalyse why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a taxexemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull. THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot,and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.... WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just john Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 The greatest Truism The LABOUR COWSome regard private enterprise as if it were a predatory tiger to be shot. Others look upon it as a cow that they can milk. [Gooor doon . . ]Only a handful see it for what it really is - the strong horse that pulls the whole cart. - WINSTON CHURCHILL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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