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OMGICBI - WTFIGO?


Iceni

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Lovers of the Kaiser Chiefs will have no trouble deciphering part 1 of the title.

I will shortly attain 65 years and today received a "State Pension claim form". Amongst the info required is

1. Any addresses I had in the UK and the dates I lived there. (Luckily "any" not "all")

2. Employers names, addresses and dates worked there. (Again "any" not "all")

3. Originals (not photocopies) of any contribution or insurance record cards or notices

Does the State no longer retain any records? Or do they hope that I will be so put off by the questions that I won't proceed with the claim.

My inability to provide all of the above details should help to prove that not all accountants are anally retentive about paperwork.

 

John

 

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Happily, my o/h can remember the dates of every job he and I ever had - arrival and departure dates - plus all the dates we moved house.  I'd better write them down unless he pops his clogs before I'm 64 (the age at which I qualify.)[:-))]

Pathetic though, isn't it? (The info' asked for, not my o/h's memory.)

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I don't know if you have seen this "letter" but it just about sums it up. I don't think for one moment it's true that it was actually sent, but it's very funny and unfortunatly very true.

 

Dear Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through. How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals in Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?


How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?


How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.


Do you people do this by hand?


You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.


Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!


I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on?

Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally fed up! I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...

Who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago.........

WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN!!!

Yours sincerely,

An Irate British Citizen

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LOL !Maybe its not so far fetched :When I wanted a copy of my birth certificate I told the registrar ' I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957,' (actually an earlier date [:(] ) and he actually said, 'you can't be! you mean Taplow'..... no mate I meant B****y Maidenhead, I was born in a nursing home not the Canadian Red Cross Hospital...    Honestly !!![8-)]
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Compared to retiring in France all that is a walk in the park.

You are advised to start the process 18 months before your retirement date, you have to collate a dossier with copies of all your payslips and pension contributions to all the many and varied national caisses, times you were bringing up children, national service, working abroad  etc.

If you are lucky you will indeed get a projection before your retirement date that will be so complicated that you will need a proffessional to verify it for you, a huge percentage are incorrect, you can guess in whose favor, there is a whole industry of vultures that have sprung up to do this practically impossible task for you, for several percent of your hard earned pension bien sur [:(], then they will pass on your details to their financial advisor mates to bombard you with unsolicited calls and mail.

It was only after learning of this that I finally realised why the French are so obsessive/obedient about keeping every last peice of paper, to not save your payslips will cost you dearly, you have been warned!

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[quote user="Chancer"]

Compared to retiring in France all that is a walk in the park.

You are advised to start the process 18 months before your retirement date, you have to collate a dossier with copies of all your payslips and pension contributions to all the many and varied national caisses, times you were bringing up children, national service, working abroad  etc.

If you are lucky you will indeed get a projection before your retirement date that will be so complicated that you will need a proffessional to verify it for you, a huge percentage are incorrect, you can guess in whose favor, there is a whole industry of vultures that have sprung up to do this practically impossible task for you, for several percent of your hard earned pension bien sur [:(], then they will pass on your details to their financial advisor mates to bombard you with unsolicited calls and mail.

It was only after learning of this that I finally realised why the French are so obsessive/obedient about keeping every last peice of paper, to not save your payslips will cost you dearly, you have been warned!

[/quote]

Not completely true.

I have 3 French pensions..

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