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Longest day - bad start!


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My "longest day" got off to the most bizarre start I can

recall in 64 years. About 8, just considering getting up to make tea, I heard

noises and went to investigate - naked. After all, I was expecting a parcel from

the UK, so perhaps the delivery chap was trying to wake me. No - there was a man

standing in my kitchen/living room! He had forced the outer shutter - a

full-height wooden affair with a notional security device, and opened the

unlocked front door. [If someone is prepared to force a security door, the lock

on a glass-panelled front door won't make much difference, so I seldom lock it

except in gale force winds.] Rushing for my dressing gown, I asked him what he

was doing - and he asked me for a light! I quickly realised he was drunk. He

offered me a bottle of Heineken, gently declined, and before long a large bottle

of Calvados, equally unappealing, TVM. In the meantime I had looked outside and

seen a lady's (!) bike by the gate. I asked him about this, and he said it

wasn't his - his motorbike had run out of fuel down the hill, and his mate would

be coming to pick him up with fuel - he showed me a mobile phone to support this

tale. He was wandering about looking here and there in the garden, so I rang the

emergency number, had a brief English conversation and they transferred me to a

police number. Sadly this was on "please hold" function, so I gave up after a

couple of minutes - but then they rang me, knew who I was, where I lived. Quick

explanation and they promised action. In the meantime matey had been in my

Nissan - had I left it unlocked last night? I asked what he thought he was

doing, but got a typical too-drunk to care response. I decided I'd better start

getting dressed, and heard sounds outside - yes, three burly gendarmes just

putting the handcuffs on him! Then another police van arrived with two ladies -

they being the locals from Bonnetable, the guys from the barracks at Mamers.</P>

<P> </P>

<P>The upshot is that this guy is well-known to all. I gave a brief statement to

one of the Mamers guys, and have now been to the nick at Bonnetable to give a

formal statement. When I went to start the Nissan I found he'd pinched the keys

from the house (not the set I usually use) and they were in the ignition. All

the police were charm itself. While I was there the phone rang - it was the

guy's father, who is obviously at his wit's end about his alky son, as you would

be. His son is in hospital to dry out, will be interviewed when sober. I think

he will be charged - I have registered "plainte".


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How awfull Ian and how lucky for both of you that you kept a cool head, fear and adrenaline can make us react instinctively with fatal results.

And if you will permit me to be flippant [;-)] Do you always greet the parcel delivery guy naked or all callers?[:D]

I am just trying to picture the scene if you werent cool headed, it would have looked like the Oliver Read film!

I did actually have a similar situation, I was awoken by at 5am by a crash on my roof followed by a rebound sound, it was about the same time of year, there is a locked tennis court behind me but no-one would play at that hour, then I heard my gate being opened.

I put on my dressing gown and saw a big burly guy creeping back out the gate so I leapt on his back and forced him to the ground, he was immensely strong and struggling violently, calling out to presumably an accomplice for help and I thought I darent let him get up, then I heard him say repeatedly, "on se connait, on se connait, relachez-moi" and I smelt the whisky on his breath, reluctantly I let him go and with relief realised that he was in fact known to me.

He and his mates used to play tennis on warm evenings but mainly it was an excuse to drink whisky and have an open air fête, often their pals would join them later on. I had spoken to them reasonably once before as I was fed up with clearing up the bottles and pizza boxes and knew that they had no permission to be there as they would always enter from my land pushing the fence away, to not provoke things I said that in future i would let them in with my key and give them a bin liner for their rubbish.

Once the adrenaline had drained from both of us, and we were both very relieved he explained that he and his mates had been having une nuit blanche drinking, hanging out etc and when dawn came they thought it would be a good idea to play whisky tennis!

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