Giving Gerbils

[Furry Knickers]

I was wondering if it is OK to give my French Neighbour a Gerbil as a gift for looking after my House when I'm Not there? I have a Gerbil (Bob) that needs a new home as my new Otter (Helga) is terrified of him! I  am worried that my neighbour might eat Bob or maybe use him as a toothbrush? Is there somekind of protercol about giving living creatures to French people? Would they see it as an insult to their masculinity or their abilities in any way? Would I be better off giving him Helga instead as she is larger? I would be very reluctant to part with her as I had such a hard job getting her out of the Outer Hebrides and I am very attached to her now! I just look at her little cute face and I just melt! But it seems Otters and Gerbils can't intermingle with each other in a social situation.

I do hope someone among you can advise as I still have had no reply from the French Gerbil Fellowship.

[Dick Smith]

I think you should be OK unless your neighbour is Freddie Starr. Or Richard Gere...

[Teamedup]

OK please explain why Messrs Star and Gere shouldn't have gerbils?

[Dick Smith]

They each reputedly inserted one into their digestive tracts, but from different directions...

TMI?

[Christine Animal]

Beware of Demis Roussos and what he says about animals.  In the past he was known to have a polluted poodle and a burnt Pekinese...

[Dick Smith]

Now what, Christine, have I done to deserve that little piece of snide? Apart from say I am not a 'dog person' - is that a crime in your eyes?

[Christine Animal]

Not at all Dick, it was just supposed to be a joke.  Sorry you took it bad.  Anything I say is never intended to hurt anyone, just for fun.  Sorry.

[Tresco]

This is just me, my opinion, but I give only non animal consumable gifts these days. Really Good Chocolates, Wine etc.

This way, I can be sure the recipient of my well intentioned gift will not kill it to eat it, or indeed stow it in a cupboard/fridge and get it out the next time I visit)

[Weedon]

Excellent idea Furryknickers (ok if I call you Furry from now on?).

It would be so good for your neighbours morale now that Paris has not got the Olympics as I am sure he is devastated.

I am sure you are aware that certain etiquette has to be followed when introducing a sexually mature gerbil (older than 10 weeks) to another.  I suspect your neighbour is sexually mature so that is one problem they will not have.  When you introduce them be sure to wear gloves because they might fight and you don't want to get a nasty bite from the neighbour do you? 

The most preferred method of introduction is the split-cage.  Place an aquariums divider in the cage to divide it in two.  You could buy one from the fish section of your pet store or you could make one from chicken wire, but the important thing is that scent passes through it but the gerbil (or neighbour) does not. Pay special attention to them biting each others feet when they cling to the wire. I had a gerbil once that had most of its toes off her front paws because of this problem.  At least if this happens your neighbour could go a couple of sizes down in shoes so some good would come out of it.  Leave them in this split cage for about a week or two switching them to opposite sides every day to get them used to each others scent.  This will mean that you will have to feed the neighbour on a regular basis.  After about a week try removing the divider and watch them very closely for at least half an hour.  If everything goes well, you can relax somewhat, but keep a close eye on them for the rest of the day, just in case.  Once they've snuggled up to each other to sleep, you're generally out of danger.  Job done, as they say, unless the gerbil rejects your neighbour, in which case you have opened a whole new can of worms.

If you would like advice on worms, this so happens to be one of my pet subjects and I could help you with them should you so wish.

weedon

 

[Furry Knickers]

[quote]This is just me, my opinion, but I give only non animal consumable gifts these days. Really Good Chocolates, Wine etc. This way, I can be sure the recipient of my well intentioned gift will not kill...[/quote]

I don't mind as long as I can call you Bert, Mr Weedon

Mrs Tresco

I gave him Ludwig, (a lovely Malard Duck from Birmingham) 2 years ago, but I have not seen him since! Last Christmas I gave him Brian, a beautiful Lopp Eared Rabbit from the Himalayers, and I have yet to see Brian (and his lovely velvet like ears) in his new home!

He does not drink or eat chocolate and complains about all the soap and bath oil he gets from everyone, so that is why I give the things I love. I want him to know that some thought has gone into my gift to him!

Dick, Mrs Animal is only joking with you, and I started the whole Dennis Rufus Rumpus! Anyway, he is very handsome according to me Mammy!

I remember when I was a lad back in County Kildare, Dennis had just released "Forever And Ever" and me lovely Mammy had to have the record, but we could not get it in Ballyhooly, they only kept records by the Batchelors, Dana and Joe Dolan! So I had to go into Dublin on the long distance bus on me own disguised as a Gardener. I had to go into 4 different shops to get hold of that Dennis record! And the thin lipped woman that served me was so intimidating (and I am sure she knew I was not a Boneyfido Gardener) She said "we don't have that in the 45, only on the LP The Rufus Fenomanom"  and then she said "What would you do with a droopy Rhodydandrum? quick as a Badger with a burnt bum I said "it's me day off today missus" I said, She said no more about her Rhodydandrum! I got away with it! I needed to make a decision quick before she came at me with any more plant problems, I was petrified she would ask me advice about her withered Lupins (which were clearly visible) I only had me few shillings of pocket money and a few bob I earned working in the mushroom factory after school (which I was saving up for a Bionic Man) But I decided me Mammy was worth the extra expense and she could overdose on Mr Rufus and his Fenomanom, and I had lived that long without a Bionic Man so another couple of years in the Mushroom factory won't matter! "I'll take it then Missus" I said, I handed over me few bob and made a very hasty retreat, I managed to pull it off! and made out with the record only to be cofronted by a huge snarling Alsation at the entrance "this is just too much" I said to meself, He was coming towards me and then he made a leap at me! I lept aside and jumped on his back and he flew down the street with me still on his back, He was like a race horse on crack cocaine! I jumped off him outside Mrs Flannigans Bun Emporium in Caple street, and in I flew and slammed the door right in his puss as he jumped towards it! I had enough money left to have a bottle of TK red lemonaid and a bit of Brack. The journey home on the long distance bus was very uneventful, but relaxing. You should have seen me Mammies face when I gave her that LP! she was on the pigs back! She looked at the cover and even kissed Mr Rufus's face as she put it in her cupboard with her other Boney M record. She finally got an Alba record player from Mr Lions (the travelling salesman) 2 years later. The house was then filled with the delights of Rivers of Babylon and a load Mr Rufus stuff!

 

 

[Will]

Oh, FK, what a lovely story. Brought back loads of happy memories of the bus from Cork to Skibbereen, and that lovely red lemonade too. I used to drink nothing else but that, and Barrys tea, at least when McCarthys was closed. When I go back I must remember not to impersonate a gardener. Never knew that, perhaps it's different on the Beara Peninsula.

I did read in 'A pictorial history of gargling and giving animals as gifts' by Humbert Rawlinson (dec'd) that gerbils are regarded as unlucky in some parts of France. That's certainly the case in Alsace, and probably in other regions too - unless you're in Loire Atlantique, of course, where they are much loved by the paludiers who gather the sel de Guerande. A guinea pig (cochon d'inde, a cross between a pig and a turkey) might be a better bet.

Sláinte - There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish, And those who wish they were

[Dick Smith]

Sorry - would have apologised earlier, but have been a bit distracted this morning...

[Christine Animal]

Oh no, all this baloney or blarney, seems to be catching.... I've never seen Will so "en forme".  I wish I was Irish.

It's a shame your neighbour doesn't drink, FK, otherwise, following Tresco's idea, I would have suggested some "Irish Mist".

Glad to see you're back Dick, will you have one of my ginger biscuits?

The Animal

[Dick Smith]

Thank you, Christine, I may have to put it in my survival rations...

[Miki]

[quote]Thank you, Christine, I may have to put it in my survival rations...[/quote]

Yeh sure Dick !

Like there would be room in there after the Youngs & Fullers stock have been loaded in

[Dick Smith]

Actually, Miki, the first thing I did after I got the last train out of Victoria - which was going to Purley of all places - was to get a couple of cans of 1664 and drink 'em. Partly because there are a lot of poor sods tonight who can't.

It hasn't been a good day...

[Renaud]

Apropos Furyknicker's mum's taste in music, Roussos is one thing but Boney M?

I remember hearing an intervier on Radio 4 with a mountainer about when he had fallen down a crevass. The thing that gave him strength to climb out was that he was determined not to die with 'Brown Girl in the Rain' on his brain.

[Furry Knickers]

[quote]Oh, FK, what a lovely story. Brought back loads of happy memories of the bus from Cork to Skibbereen, and that lovely red lemonade too. I used to drink nothing else but that, and Barrys tea, at least ...[/quote]

Poor old Humbert has passed away then Mr Conker?

He was such a lovely man, very kind and gentle and very open about his relationship with his boyfriend Helmut. I met him on several occasions back in County Kildare, he was a regular at the stud. I remember when I first met him, I was 11 at the time and really into Gerbils (as most lads were at that age) Me Mammy took us all on a day trip to the Galtee cheese mountains in Mitchelstown, for our annual summer holiday. It was a fantastic time and I was fascinated at how they got the cheese into that little silver rectangular package, We had a guided tour of the cheese factory, and old Humbert was among a party of visitors from Hootenbiden. While outside in the picnic area, we were getting our Kelly's Batch loaf out of the pillowcase when he approached us " is that a Gerbil in your pocket lad" he spotted the large protrudance in me trousers, I had smuggled Agnes (my favourite Gerbil) onto the trip without me Mammy knowing. She did love Galtee processed cheeses so much, I thought I could just whip her out when no one was looking, and let her have a nibble now and again, I wanted her to have a good holiday too! and she had just lost her fella to Eamon (the local Magpie) so I thought she needed cheering up! Anyway, the game was up now and I released Agnes from my trousers, and handed her over to Humbert, I thought he was going to beat me at first, but he was just enameled by Agnes, and commented on how beautiful  she was! He called over Helmut and introduced him to Agnes and then he asked us all our names. Me Mammy said " You will have no Lemon Curd on your bread now me lad" and she put the jar back in the pillowcase with the 2 heels of bread that was left over, "you must not deprive a young lad of lemon curd becuse of his love for his Gerbil" roared old Humbert! "he needs to learn that he can't stuff living creatures in his trousers for his own pleasure" me Mammy said, giving me a sly wink! She always liked to give a good impression, and took great pride in us and how well behaved we were in public (she was once offered £14 for me by the Avon woman) This was at a time when me Daddy had gone off with the one from Denny's bacon factory in Maynooth.

Mammy said "your daddy is gone to England to build a big boat with Mr Hoolihan to take us all over there with the animals" about 3 years later I asked " is that boat daddy's making with Mr Hoolihan nearly made yet Mammy?" and she said "he has just got the lifeboats to do now, we need them in case the boat sinks like that Titanic your Aunty Mary was on"  I never even knew I had an Aunty Mary! Anyway, as hard as things were, she would not part with me, and £14 was a lot of money back in them days!

So poor old Humbert left me with a copy of that book and and we all had our photos took with him and Helmut standing next to the Agapanthus in the souvenier shop. He took our address and phone number (we never had a phone, so me Mammy gave him the number of the Bagwash in Derrinturn) she told him "you can leave a message with my staff if they answer the phone when i'm not there" Humbert visited us on several occasions during his visit to the stud, he really knew Gerbils inside out, the last time I saw him was when he dropped by with a very rare Oriental Blue Hair Lipped Iguana called Alfonso. After that he stopped writing and phoning the Bagwash in Derrinturn! Me Mammy knew it was because he could tell that the papier mashy phone I made her at me Drama class, was not a real phone! I felt so guilty that I never made a better effort to reproduce a telephone that I went to evening classes in Carbury Cross. After gaining me certificate in 1976 I can now

[Will]

So it was, so it was, Mr knickers. Ah, that brings back memories so it does. Good old Humbert, fine man, like  brothers Hilary and Henry and cousin Hubert. Now there was a character, no mistake.

Me family was from up north, but I tend stay away from there meself because of the troubles. I stayed on Bantry Bay meself, Casteltownberehaven, there's a fine town if you can remember how to spell it.

I've been looking into the gerbils thing, it seems they are bad luck if you take one on a ship. That goes back to the old sailing ships, a Polish sea captain kept gerbils as pets but a pair escaped and made a home in the bilges where they bred, like gerbils do. Plenty of water down there, but not much food, so they made a meal of the futtocks, causing the ship to go down with all hands (and gerbil paws). I can understand that, I certainly would never let a gerbil anywhere near my rowlocks.

They do have a special place in French history. In our commune, last 8th May, they had a mass like they do every year to celebrate the victory 60 years ago. I went, but I had to go home before the ceremony of laying a gerbil on the war memorial. I'm sure it isn't harmed but the mere thought of causing any discomfort or embarrassment to such a dear little creature was too much for me.

May your troubles be as rotten and far apart as your grandmother's teeth.

[Christine Animal]

We now seem to have two gerbils and it is soon going to be difficult to distinguish between the two species, of similar origin. Gerbils are native to many parts of the world, but the type of gerbil most commonly kept as a pet is the Panda type, black and white. Gerbils come in a variety of colors, but usually have white fur on their belly. Their tails are covered with hair, unlike those of mice.

Gerbils usually live long, healthy lives, their favourite pastimes being telling fairy tails, drinking red lemonade and galloping down streets on the backs of Alsatians. All this helps to keep a glossy coat. Most are nocturnal, but the Panda ones are not. All gerbils are very frisky, and can easily escape from a website that isn't closed securely. Their eyesight isn't very good, so they sometimes fall off of tables when they are running around loose, but their hearing and sense of smell (not to mention their sense of humour) are both very acute. Gerbils must be treated gently, so children interacting with them should be supervised by an adult. The Gerbil Journal

[JP1]

Don't forget that if you're giving Gerbils as a gift you should also get one of these,

http://www.totallyabsurd.com/gerbilshirt.htm

a must apparently,

JP

[Dick Smith]

Isn't that an accessory for the iPod flea?

[Furry Knickers]

[quote]Don't forget that if you're giving Gerbils as a gift you should also get one of these, http://www.totallyabsurd.com/gerbilshirt.htm a must apparently, JP[/quote]

What a fantastic idea Mr JP! I shall have to get one or make one of my own if I can't get it from ASDA (I am banned from Tesco)

I love your drawing Mrs Animal! did you draw it yourself? I used to love drawing animals and Woodpeckers when I was a lad back in County Kildare! I remember drawing a lovely Woodpecker wearing sunglasses portrait back in Saint Mildreds in Ballsbridge. It was titled "woodpecker At The Beach" I actually won a gold star for that picture, and it was put up on the wall in the assembly hall. All the others started drawing woodpeckers because they thought they would get a gold star too! The end of term saw the hall full of woodpeckers portraits! I remember the school potato monitor (Seamus Murphy) used to get so jealous of me gold stars, that he once sabotaged me painting of a Seahorse which was titled " I Seahorses" He painted on a hovercraft over the Seahorses head, so it looked like it was half Seahorse and half hovercraft, he even changed the title to "HoverHorse" I was so devastated that I had to be sedated and sent to Peamount hospital for an xray.

The portrait of the Seahorse was to be entered into the Annual All Ireland Seahorse Painting Contest held in Dingle Bay every tuesday night. The first prize was a plastic fish bowl with a synthetic palm tree, and a bag of Sea monkey eggs. I always dreamed of having my own Sea monkey ever since I saw them advertised in the Pig Weekly. But that Murphy lad destroyed any chance I had of winning the competetion, his cousin Biddy won the Sea Monkey Eggs and plastic fish bowl with artificial palm tree. I ended up back in Peamount for another Xray. I never drew another Seahorse since that day, and shall never draw one again!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Christine Animal]

  FK if you have disappeared back down in your burrow to try to compete in the Gerbil drawing contest, we shall have to come and ferret you out.  We all know you do the best "sketches" !

I may be on the trail of a giraffe, so be ready...

 

[Christine Animal]

Where is FK, I miss him "grave".

Perhaps he has returned to his little colombinage chaumière in Normandy.  I wonder what he finally gave his neighbour...