Post Haste?

[The Riff-Raff Element]

My dear

wife took a parcel to the post office today containing a birthday present for

her brother in Basle. After weighing the

package, the estimable Claudine who presides over the counter there informed

her that, unhappily, the parcel was slightly too heavy for the economy carriage

rate and would have to be sent priorité. Cost: 19€, which is nearly enough for

a slap-up lunch for two at the swill counter at Leclerc.

 

 (Actually,

that is a bit unfair as the food at our local Leclerc’s café is usually pretty

good, being, as it is, something of a showcase for the produce in the store,

but the acne-ridden adolescents doling it out are about as cheerful as

haemorrhoidal sheep on a wet

Wednesday, which does rather take the romance out of the meal. This is in stark

contrast to the checkout staff, who are all as jolly as the day is long. I have

heard an unkind rumour that they are in fact rented to the store by one of France’s more

commercially minded mental health institutions and are securely manacled to the

tills with leg irons to stop them running off and causing mayhem in the fruit

and veg section. But I fear I am deviating from the point that I have yet to

make.)

 

“Still,” Our

Lady of the Franking Machine offered, “economy is very slow: it would take

about 10 days to get to Switzerland

from here.” Now, we can drive from our humble abode here in the Vendée to my

brother-in-law’s palatial apartment in one of the nicer bits of Basle in about 10 hours, 11 if counting car-sickness

breaks. How on earth can La Poste conspire to make the journey last 10 DAYS?

 

The UK is just as

bad. One of my small-but-engaging collection of mothers-in-law posted us back a

package containing all the things we managed to leave at her house over

Christmas. Not unreasonably, she posted it at the lowest possible rate, but it

took three weeks to get here. Again, how can this be possible?

 

My wife

tells me that it’s probably the result of an ingenious system of optimisation

involving having cargo of differing priorities that can be mixed in and matched

to the various modes of transport to produce the most cost-effective delivery

of mail. Now, she is undoubtedly the brains in this relationship (and the looks

– I’d meet her colleagues at various functions and could see them puzzling over

“why did she marry him???”), but she is also an engineer, and so will look for

the most elegant solution to any problem, whereas, a quick shave with Ockham’s

Razor would demonstrate that the above is highly unlikely, so I say tish and

pish to that idea.

 

I have been puzzeling over this all day, and have come

up with three or four (in my opinion far more probable) scenarios:

• The parcels
  are chucked into a crate in “cheapskate’s corner” and labelled “not to be
  dispatched until XXXX");
• They are
  routed via a poste restante in Maputo, which would go some way to explain their
  somewhat battered appearance, the presence of unintelligible script and the
  small quantity of sand found in each box;
• In the case
  of the UK to France, they are
  transported by dog-cart to Dover,
  where they are hitched up to a squadron of highly trained GPO jellyfish. The
  jellyfish then drift across the channel in a matter of weeks and deposit their
  cargo on a beach near Brest, from whence it is
  dispatched, via Paris
  (where it is allowed to dry out) to its ultimate destination;
• In the cast
  of France to the Land of the Cuckoo Clock,
  the post is loaded onto mules that take the packages on the scenic route
  to the Glockenspiel pass (there must be one), where they are handed over to a
  gang of Swiss Post marmots. They, in turn, massage the parcels lightly with their teeth
  (puts the fear of God into the recipient) before delivering them.

If anyone

has any other insights, I’d love to hear them.

[Richard-R]

Look on the bright side. I once posted a parcel from Malawi and it took 11 months to reach London.

[Albert the infopikey]

Jond,

This deserves a long thread, but who could compete with the perfection of the original posting?

[Patf]

The secret is to send smaller parcels . I've sent several to my son and

his family who live at the top of a 10,000ft. mountain in southern

India and they get them in about 4 days. Not too expensive either. Pat.

[Monika]

I think you could be right about the handing over of parcels at the Glockenspiel-Pass!!!

I have no theory but a consolation! I posted a parcel to my son in Ghana at the end of June. It cost £47.00. It arrived a week ago and he had to pay 8 Dollars to release it!! Excellent advice about smaller parcels, I will try that out Pat.

[Alexis]

It all depends on what day you post it.

There are fast days....and others!

 

[opas]

Think you are right about tight git corner and also sending smaller parcels.

I was informed on Monday that I had a parcel in the post (coming from UK) It arrived yesturday (thursday) small parcel with just a first class stamp on it.

Sent something to UK just after the new year by economique........2 weeks, same size as the one received yesterday.

Mrs O

[Miki]

[quote user="Alexis"]

It all depends on what day you post it.

There are fast days....and others!

 

[/quote]

I thought yesterday went quick, how about you ?

[Georgina]

Yes, but please please could someone explain to me, why I received a bill when we received a small parcel from Australia E21 to be exact, some Christmas present!!!! Bearing in mind they had paid a vast amount to post it.

I get parcels regularly from the UK which take anything from 4 days to 2 weeks.  But then I have had this with letters also.

Georgina

[Tag]

Been having the same problems in Belgium as in France with packages. If  they are very small and go first class postal rate, then they can arrive in three or four days, if parcel or second class then anything up to a month (Channel Islands stuff seems worse). I asked the PO and they said that the sorting and delivery of bigger parcels and second class stuff was much slower anyway. Also that customs still insist on checking everything for VAT liability despite it being Europe. Plus there is now a security check on each parcel which is x-rayed and then some are checked (eg DVD's to make sure they are not pirate or porn, no drugs hidden etc). And if the little man doing this has a day off, the thing drags to a halt.

What really annoys me is that not only has the stuff been opened but often badly shut again

All of which is a bit strange as big orders from Amazon turn up in a blue UK PO bag very quickly indeed and have not been opened - must have been certified I guess.

And yes weekends do make a difference.

 By the way, anyone ever had packages lost or arrived with half the contents missing?

[Tag]

Question about paying VAT etc. Am I right in saying you dont have to pay VAT etc on items from outside Europe (eg USA) if the all up value is less than £15 ( or is that euros)? Which is fine for books and CD's etc.