Those 'bouchons'

Teamedup · February 10, 2006

No not those awful plastic ones in many a wine bottle these days. Those traffic ones.

Who has been in a really big one in mid summer on a motorway.

Did it move? Could you get out of the car?

Please enlighten me as to how these things work........... or don't, if you see what I mean.

Dick Smith · February 10, 2006

Yes I've been in a traffic jam. A couple of time I've been in really big ones. They work by all the cars stopping in a long line, one behind the other. What else do you need to know?

Teamedup · February 10, 2006

I need to know how people behave in them. Do they get out of their cars? Does one hear big family rows going on? Do people sleep? Do they really stop, or when you think that that then minutes halt is going to turn into a couple of hours, you move forwards a couple of meters. How much lane swopping goes on. Do people try and sneak along the hard shoulder.

I want to know how it works in France.

Christine Animal · February 10, 2006

Please enlighten me as to how these things work........... or don't, if you see what I mean.

No TU, don't see at all what you mean. A traffic jam is a traffic jam is a traffic jam, wherever it is... isn't it?

Edit: Oh sorry, now I see what you mean, what you mean, what you mean.... [:^)]

Teamedup · February 10, 2006

Well CA maybe it is just a traffic jam, but since the idea of travelling on such days has never ever crossed my mind I was wondering what being in one or it being part and parcel of an annual holiday was really like.

Opalienne · February 10, 2006

I have never been in one - do my very best to avoid travelling then - but have seen on TV that people get out of cars and have chats with others (not to mention the TV crews who are asking how people feel about being stuck for hours.....)

Tresco · February 10, 2006

[quote user="Teamedup"]

I need to know how people behave in them. Do they get out of their cars?

yes, but only to say 'do you know what is going on?' (the answer is usually 'pmmmhhh' in France, and 'no' in english.

Does one hear big family rows going on?

Well yes, in our car they usually involve me saying 'I told tou we should have left at 6. 45 rather than 7. 15 bla bla bla', or the mother of several children saying, oh, will we miss the plane? - cue for all infants to cry - me to say yes (forgetting 3 to 7 year olds havn't got the IRONY thing): cue for chaos tears, misery, and indeed a normal journey to the airport.

Do people sleep?

No that would be madness, you would miss the fun of the argument (that is, the fun of the argument that has been replayed a thousand times, if you have been with the same partner for 16 years 207 days, and 27 mnutes, give or take when you/he believe you actually 'copped off'. Even if that was not your thing, the thought of paying thousands of squids because your evil brother in law wanted to save ten precious minutes (he is retired) well, after all that nice food etc it is not nice, or polite to quibble about a little matter like flight times.

Do they really stop, or when you think that that then minutes halt is going to turn into a couple of hours, you move forwards a couple of meters. How much lane swopping goes on. Do people try and sneak along the hard shoulder.

All those things happen, but whe you think you should take one route, your partner always takes the other. Going along the hard shoulder is something only a criminal would do, or some one whose partner is having a heart attack., and it is probably down to you (well me actually; i'm the worst passenger in the world)

Rule: If they don't stop at or near a phone they are lunatics. No one stops on the hard shoulder, unless they are in trouble or have a death wish (my partner usually has both)

[/quote]

Catalpa · February 11, 2006

[quote user="Teamedup"]Well CA maybe it is just a traffic jam, but since the idea of travelling on such days has never ever crossed my mind I was wondering what being in one or it being part and parcel of an annual holiday was really like.[/quote]

Three thoughts:

1) is this a windup - or are you seriously expecting a discussion on what people do in traffic jams?

2) if you're heading back to the UK permanently don't worry, you'll have plenty of opportunities to consider this conundrum while... sitting in a random traffic jam on any A road / motorway on any day of the week at any time of the year.

3) if your post is a cry for help and you need a list of good books to take your mind off traffic jam ettiquete, I'll send you some recommendations.

If the answer is the second part of 1)... Jond... we neeeeeeeeed you. Now.

Teamedup · February 11, 2006

Not at all a wind up. I don't mean hold ups of an hour or two or three and not anywhere else either, and really who hasn't been in any jams. I have been in jams in many countries but never for hours and hours and hours.

It has been suggested that they are some sort of national fete in France, to be appreciated and even perhaps cultivated. New friends are just a car away etc. [:)] What a bizarre idea, but there you go.

Russethouse · February 11, 2006

The only thing that worries me in a traffic jam is the lack of a 'ladies'. I start eyeing up the surrounding landscape for possible hedges or hoping ditches are not ful of water or unfriendly wildlife[:$]

Alexis · February 11, 2006

Typical British thoughts Gay.

Just get out of the car and whip your knickers down in front of the lot of them.

Up to them to turn away[:)][:)]

As most of the traffic jams seem to be caused by the Parisians going on their hols and as the Parisians are not the friendliest of folk, I can't see them sharing a roadside picnic.

opas · February 11, 2006

My first thought was the Victor Meldrew , one foot in the grave, Bank holiday on a motorway.

Then I thought TU had forgotten what a real traffic jam in UK was like and needed advice on what to do...I spy etc

Now I think she has gone to Newcastle Uni and signed up for some Bazare course and looking for some ideas for her theses!

Mrs O

Dick Smith · February 11, 2006

I'm staggered that anyone thinks this is a reason for posting to a French forum...

SaligoBay · February 11, 2006

[quote user="Dicksmith"]I'm staggered that anyone thinks this is a reason for posting to a French forum...
[/quote]

LOL Dick, do you ever watch the French news?

French school hols are staggered, so no-one has to share holiday time with the Parisians. At the beginning of the Parisian hols there's ALWAYS a report about 80km (and worse) tailbacks as the Parisians head off for a jolly time........ in a traffic jam!!

Anyone see "Il était une fois dans l'Oued"? Funny scene with them piling into their car to go on holiday to Algeria. Nightmare traffic jam, and of course they all start arguing...... just life, really! [:)]

Teamedup · February 11, 2006

I'm staggered that anyone thinks this is a reason for posting to a French forum...

Hein!

Clue was french bouchons, but anything about real life in France is obviously not to be discussed on here, censorship?

I can say lots of things, it is in my use of judgement of when to stay silent that I show my civilisation.

Really and when is that then, or am I the wrong race or religion to escape your comments.

The Riff-Raff Element · February 11, 2006

I am always somewhat surprised that more murders don't happen in

traffic jams. All those middle managers in the BMWs jockeying for

position, for example: furrowed brows, red faces, pulsing vein at the

temple, a psychotic glint in their eyes. Those wet patches under their

arms are not sweat (air conditioning, you see). They are caused by

excess testosterone leaking out of the pores. And that's just the

women.

I can only put the comparitive lack of violence down to the fact that

cars are like armour and people just don't feel safe stepping out end

setting about their neighbours car with a golf club after being cut up.

That, or they are terrified of being overcome by the fumes. Cars also

seem to make people feel invisible. I've sat in jams and watched people

pick their noses, pluck nasal hair in their rear view mirror, apply

acne creams, spray underarm deordorants and, on one particularly

memorable occasion somewhere in the wastes outside Birmingham, remove

their blouse and change their bra.

Only one person has so far admitted to me that he moved from the UK to

France primarily because the road traffic conditions on the M25 and M6

were starting to cause him near clinical depression, though I cannot

believe he is unique in this. Sometimes when we meet for a beer, he

stares for a long, contented, moment at the empty vista of the N137

that runs by the bar, sighs deeply and murmurs softly to himslef

"Silly, silly sods."

Miki · February 11, 2006

Are you sitting comfortably................then I shall tell you a

little story about a bouchon, somewhere in the Loire in mid/late July

1981.

We were going along nicely on a comfortable D road, no rush, we were a

day early for our first weeks holiday near Saumur, it was sunny and the

roads clear, as normal. We were about to look for a suitable little

hotel for the evening, when coming round a corner, we were surprised to

see a long stretch of cars strung out in front. bit bizarre I thought

(see I was thinking in French then, as well !). We duly pulled up

behind the long line of traffic..........10 minutes went past, 20.....

30 minutes, flask was now getting low enough for Tina to start

panicking (no caffeine and she will start shaking and taking on an

appearance of that green nutter). An hour passed and still not one

centimetre gained.

"Get out and demand to know what is going on" said the green one. I

duly got out and walked along the line asking people in each car,

"whats the hold up" Gallic shrugs and clouds of disque bleu flew out of

the windows and in to my weary eyes...must keep going I thought, she

must be really shaking by now.

20,30, 40, 50 cars later and I am nearly at the front of the jam

and, there in front are Gendarmes, sheltering behind their cars

with their guns aimed at a café on the crossroads and loud hailers

telling the

people inside not to be stupid and come out. It was then seeing

the café, that I wanted to tell them to just give me a few minutes cease fire, so I could reload the flask and keep madam werry 'appy. I thought about it for a split second and thought "no better not eh"

I was told in no uncertain terms, that if I didn't move back, my holiday

may well be spoiled. Mmm I thought, not sure if the old E111 would

suffice for being taken hostage or at worse, a few bullet holes

spoiling the new beach shirt (she bought it, I HAD to wear it, you

chaps know what I mean!).

I slowly walked back (slowly, probably being more like, pretty swiftly !)

wondering if we should turn around and take a long circular route, when

I saw a lovely green Jaguar with GB plates. I knocked on the window, he

looked rather annoyed to having been disturbed from whatever he was

doing.

"Yes" he said, " Do you know what is going on just up the road a little"? I replied

"Yes" he said "Oh" I thought

Then he said "Do you know, that Chappie Willis has just got another Aussie out, they

are not going to win this Headingley test as easy as the bookies think"

Only an Englishman ..........eh. Armed gendarmes, armed robbers and it is just playing second fiddle to a game of cricket !

It turned out the men had turned over a bank and after a chase, were

trapped in the café. Pretty dangerous scenario and all this English

chap was concerned about, was the commentary of the famous Headingley

Test in 1981.

So when people mention the Botham/Willis Ashes match, my thoughts also go to a bouchon in France.

Miki · February 11, 2006

[quote user="jond"]I am always somewhat surprised that more murders don't happen in