Extreme Rudeness!

[Rich1972]

'Rudeness' doesn't even do the attitude justice, to be honest. Many of the people I've met since coming here a few weeks ago have been very helpful so this isn't a 'the French are rude' rant. However, I've moved into a small hamlet of about seven houses or so. A couple of days after moving in I was out in the garden and someone walked past the lane that runs down one side, a girl, maybe 17, so I called out 'bonjour' and she gave me a look of complete contempt and just carried on walking. A few days later the person who had come with me to assist in the move saw her and called out 'bonjour!' again, and she did exactly the same thing. I don't know why this bothers me so much but it does. I've no idea where this girl lives or anything else, she might not even be from around here, but she displayed a level of sheer rudeness and ignorance that I've never encountered in my entire life! Imagine just moving into closely-knit rural area in the UK, saying 'hello' to passer-by and having them give you a filthy look and not replying.

What do you think this girl's problem was?

[Russethouse]

Are you sure she lives in the hamlet ? Or could she be naturally cautious about speaking to strangers, esp strangers that are men ?

[cooperlola]

[quote user="Rich1972"]
What do you think this girl's problem was?
[/quote]She's 17?

[Clair]

Our neighbours have 3 adult sons who visit their parents almost weekly. After over 5 years, one of them has yet to acknowledge either of us...

My other neighbours say he's just like that... [:D]

[Kitty]

Rich

I am a mother and guardian of several children.  I have still have teenagers living at home.  I can tell you that adolescents often act in a rude fashion.  I think that they get nervous, especially girls in front of men, who are strangers.  I wouldn't think that it's a French -v- English problem but a female adolescent -v- male adult problem.

[Rich1972]

[quote user="cooperlola"][quote user="Rich1972"]

What do you think this girl's problem was?

[/quote]She's 17?[/quote]

I think that's probably hit the nail on the head. The other person she ignored was female so I doubt it was a male/female issue. I think she's just rude and ignorant, and probably has a million chips on her shoulder. She would've seen the UK registered cars in the driveway before she reached me in the garden, and perhaps word had got around that 'Anglais' had moved in. No, I don't know where she lives as I've only seen her twice. What annoyed me the most was that I let it gnaw away at me for days! I spoke to my mum on the phone and she said just to forget about it. I just can't imagine what sort of mind-set would create such contemptuous behaviour towards someone who had just moved into the neighbourhood. As people have said, maybe it's just a teen thing.

[Cendrillon]

Well that is probably the reason but another reason could be that the person is autistic and I know people with autism are likely to completely ignore and look straight through  people.

[lostinfrance]

Some French need time to talk  to you,others will talk at the drop of a hat.

I think you must remender you are the outsider at the moment.

[Judith]

Might also be caused by shyness, and not knowing what to say to you.  If teenagers don't / can't/ won't talk to adults (as seems usual in the UK) it must be even more difficult given the need to communicate in another language.  Social skills arrive with maturity, which happens at different ages with teenagers, it might just be that she hasn't acquired them yet!!

[Kitty]

Rich - Teenagers are weird.  Really weird.  And I'm saying this, knowing that I was one once of course.  My teenagers never cease to amaze me.  I've witnessed 6 of them at close proximity, not forgetting all of their friends.  They can be adorable one minute and then downright rude and horrible the next.  They get stressed over what to wear, on what to eat, on whether to telephone someone or not, on whether to take a bath or shower or not at all, on whether to smile etc etc.  Every decision is tortuous for them.  If you had said that it was a 20 something year old, I would be miffed.  But not an adolescent.

I wouldn't want to be 14 - 19 again.  I wouldn't mind being 29 again...

Poor you, worrying over it.  Your Mum's advice was right though.  At least, sharing it here has helped perhaps?

Have other Forum members experienced rudeness?  Most of my neighbours are fine.  There's one elderly lady who looked the other direction for ages but I then realised that she is partially blind.

[Chancer]

Re: What is her problem?

Perhaps the girl was English? [6]

[Rich1972]

[quote user="Cathy"]

Rich - Teenagers are weird.  Really weird.  And I'm saying this, knowing that I was one once of course.  My teenagers never cease to amaze me.  I've witnessed 6 of them at close proximity, not forgetting all of their friends.  They can be adorable one minute and then downright rude and horrible the next.  They get stressed over what to wear, on what to eat, on whether to telephone someone or not, on whether to take a bath or shower or not at all, on whether to smile etc etc.  Every decision is tortuous for them.  If you had said that it was a 20 something year old, I would be miffed.  But not an adolescent.

[/quote]

I was guessing that she was 17. She could've been older but not more than 21, I would think. Oh well. As I said, I don't know why it bothers me so much, even now. I guess that you feel vulnerable moving hundreds of miles from home to a new country and a new environment and want to do your upmost to get on with the local people, and then for someone literally to ignore your very presence is quite unpleasant. I'm sure she wasn't autistic or anything else. She heard exactly what I said, and the look of contempt I got in return proves it. Plus I'm *only* 36 so it's not like there's a huge generation gap. The farmer and his wife who live in the house up from mine is pleasant and friendly when I see him. The first day he drove past in his van and merrily called out 'Bonjour!'. And the elderly former-farmer whose house I bought still turns up every day nearby to tend some land. I often try and have a conversation with him and he's been very helpful with things like dustbin collections, etc.

One thing I wasn't sure about was whether I should actually go and knock on people's doors to introduce myself or wait until I bump into them in the surrounding lanes or when they're walking by the entrance to the house. Knocking on doors seems extremely forward and intrusive to my mind. I met the local farmer and his wife while I was up a ladder looking at a wall that runs alongside the lane near the house and they were taking their dogs for a walk. It was much more informal and relaxed but then you're reliant on waiting to see people, and in such a scattered hamlet it could be months before you see a neighbour and get the chance to speak with them (by 'neighbour' I mean people who live within a couple of kilometers, not nextdoor! lol).

[AnOther]

Think yourself lucky.

In another place such innocent pleasantries are more libel to earn you an accusation of being a paedophile or a knife between the ribs [:'(]

 

[Val_2]

A lot of english do not realise that town dwellers here in France never say bonjour etc should you meet on the street.Maybe she was a townie on a visit.

[Frogslegs]

I have found the teenagers here more than delightful, in fact I was so used to them ignoring us in the U.K. that I sometimes forget to acknowledge them when walking around the village and yet they are always the first to say "bonjour"!

The only person I have met here that is rude, is a woman at the local tax office and a woman who runs a popular restaurant in Gencay. In 7 years....not too bad eh......just remembered...the village gardner who took at least 10 attempts of  "bonjour" for him to respond!

[Cendrillon]

"One thing I wasn't sure about was whether I should actually go and knock on people's doors to introduce myself or wait until I bump into them in the surrounding lanes or when they're walking by the entrance to the house. "

 

I would wait until you happen to meet them or at least wait awhile before making yourself known in the neighbourhood..

"Knocking on doors seems extremely forward and intrusive to my mind"

 

I agree.

 

Bon courage[:)]

[MrCanary]

I would suggest you continue to be pleasant... One day you may get a response.

[ams]

I would say that before you came she had the whole village (men) to herself. Now that you have arrived your beauty has radiated out far and wide and thus she hates you for making her feel like a rag doll that has been dragged backwards through a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

ams

[ams]

Thats nothing, i have a neighbour a divorced primary school teacher aged about 46. Everytime i see her i shout out Bonjour Catherine, and she replies Bonjour. Now after 4 years i can report that substantial progress has been made, her response now is bonjour monsieur. I reckon by ten years we should be the at ca va stage.

 

ams

[mint]

As I see it, it's her problem and not yours.......... until and unless you make it so.

I am glad to see that you realised that in a later post and you also gave a very good reason for explaining to yourself why it bothered you in the first place.

You carry on being your usual, friendly self.  Just refuse to let this girl's or anybody else's rudeness change your own behaviour.

If you see her again, say "bonjour" as you would normally to anyone else.  You might not change her behaviour but, on the other hand, why should you change yours?

Certainly not to suit her or match hers!

[Rich1972]

Well thanks to all that replied. Your comments have been most helpful [:)] Maybe I'll never see the young witch ever again but if I do I will give her a big smile and say 'Salut! Ca va?'!

[mint]

That's the idea, Rich.  With a bit of luck, she'll feel both ridiculous and embarrassed.

[Turnip]

Just bear in mind some of the UK attitudes to Eastern Europeans etc moving to the UK.Where ever a newcomer goes he/she will meet resentment from some locals. Therefore, resentment, rudeness etc. is something a new immigrant may have to face.