Embarrassing blunders

[Meo]

I assume that, despite all our hard work, we all make mistakes with our French.

Usually mine are of the mild, inoffensive kind but today I think I may have surpassed myself.

Whilst sitting at my desk at work, I was approached by a colleague, asking (or so I thought) for my autograph.

Naturally, this came as some surprise as, although a grave oversight, I am not actually famous. For anything.

Nonetheless, after what was becoming an embarrassingly long silence, I thought I had better oblige and dutifully scribbled my name on a piece of paper.

Much confusion ensued, followed by acute embarrassment when I learned he actually wanted an "ote-agraph" (staple remover).

Shall I ever live this down?

[Tourangelle]

That's so funny and it just made me cringe. I would be so capable of doing exactly the same thing, the words are pronounced so similarly and if your colleague just said est-ce que je peux avoir ton xxxxxx then how were you to know? I don't think I have done anything quite like that recently, but a friend of mine nearly crashed her car when we were out the other day because my pronunciation of la louche made her laugh so much, from now on I'm sticking to saying la grande cuillière (and perhaps having more interesting conversations!)

[letrangere]

I assume that, despite all our hard work, we all make mistakes with our French.

Oh, absolutely, too many to mention.  But I soon learnt to look at them positively, after all we learn by our mistakes.  My greatest faux pas were when I was younger and used to try to throw in what I thought were a few fashionable colloquialisms.  I quickly discovered that slang isn't something that non-native speakers should use carelessly, especially in business situations.  But I still reckon my worst mistake is my habit of just occasionally making some even remote reference to the WW II, it just slips out apropos of something else.  But the end result is always the same, widespread discomfort amongst the French, a poignant silence and me silently cursing and wishing the ground would open up and swallow me...  M

[SaligoBay]

I now know someone who really did do the cou/cul mistake. 

Une jeune anglaise, at the dinner table for the first time with her French boyfriend's family....."oohhh, mais qu'est-ce que tu m'as fait hier soir, Julien, tu m'as fait vachement mal au cul".  

[Opel Fruit<P><BR>Opel Fruit, Dept. 53<P>]

And then there's the gaff at the Vet: Ma Chatte a une malade..!

 

[Opalienne]

I've done even worse.   At a rather smart dinner party we were discussing shell fish.  I said that I couldn't eat moules, but '"j'aime bien sentir les moules des autres'!   The minute it had left my mouth I realised what I had said.   There was a brief silence and then the whole table fell about.   I have never been allowed to live it down!

[YCCMB]

Many years ago, I was interpreting at a conference in Algeria. The topic was vaguely chemical and a question was asked about how to prevent pre-prepared solutions of dye from becoming mouldy if left to stand in the lab for any length of time. I dutifully translated the question and the reply. Over dinner that evening, our local agent informed me that I'd told a room full of chemists that this problem could easily be prevented by adding "un preservatif" to the solution!!

I don't know what was more embarrassing: knowing what I'd said, knowing what it meant, or wondering what several hundred quite important people thought of the fact that I didn't correct myself at the time! I still cringe at the thought of it.

Jane

[PaysBasque]

My worst one was just after we arrived here and we needed to hire a chainsaw. I called Castorama and asked for a 'troncheuse'. You can imagine the silence on the other end of the line....

[Teamedup]

I can't say I don't know, because I do, but when I am chatting, suddenly doubt enters mind and I am never sure and avoid cul and cou. Not keen on dessus and dessous either, don't have the 'ear' and they sound the same to me in conversation. I can only get them, if they are said alone and emphasised.

[opas]

we were looking for the DRIRE in perps, the map off the website was quite clear but could we find the building ? could we heck. So I nipped into a shop to ask ,directions duly diven (it was just around the corner) I jumped back in the car ,all smiles telling Mr o in French the directions, we must have walked up and down that small street for 5 mins when the centime dropped! we should be looking for a building with lots of Glass......we were looking for a mainly green one!

Also done the silly one , telling a neighbour I was going on the rob/theft when actually I was going to catch a flight Mrs O

[JohnM]

Similarly, I once proudly proclaimed that I had just arrived by sterring wheel when I meant to say that I'd flown.

 

[Cjb]

Upon first meeting my wife's granparents I addressed them with the informal tu whilst addressing the dog as vous. The dog's never bitten me to this day and the grandparents are onside now after a little bit of explaining from my wife. According to my beau père I had it right the first time around!!

[Jackie]

I am glad that I am not the only one to fall into the préservatif/agence de conservation trap. On asking for "larmes artificiel sans preservatif" at the chemist, the reaction of woman behind the counter was amazing to behold. I think she said to her colleagues, "You will never believe what this stupid Englishman has just asked for!" It was only then, as all these females were falling about laughing, that I realised what I had said! I am now greeted with wicked smiles each time I go back there.............John not Jackie

[Alcazar]

My favourite memory of this type is of my father, now 91, in the early 60's on a Spanish campsite, talking to French neighbours.

Guy was a footballer who played for Bordeaux, and told my dad that he had to go back early to restart training, whereas Madame was taking the two boys on, until the end of the holidays, to Antibes.

My dad said to her, "Ah oui, c'est tres beau, avec tous les pins", except that he pronounced "pins" as "peens", which is, apprently, a colloquialism for a "willy".

There wasa stunned silence, (remember, this was the early 60's too), and then Guy fell about, while his wife just looked pained. The two lads, on having it explained to them, also creased up. I don't think my dad was ever able to look her in the eye again!

Alcazar