Euro English.

[Bugsy]

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like
'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'W' by 'V'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

 

 

this is a joke, by the way..............................................[:D]

[mint]

PLEASE don't post things like that when it's not 1 april.  i don't think my constitution is strong enough to cope with jokes like these!

[Chico]

Sweet 17,

How does your constitution cope with this, which is not a joke?

New Millennium Spelling

Stage 1

1. Change augh to au when it sounds like augh in caught.

caut dauter fraut nauty

2. Change augh to af when it sounds like augh in laugh.

draft laf

3. Change ough to ou when it sounds like ou as in bough

bou drout plou

4. Change ough to au when it sounds like ough in bought.

aut bought fought thaut saut

5. Change ough to of when it sounds like ou in cough.

cough trof

6. Change ough to uf when it sounds like rough.

enuf ruf tuf

7. Change ough to o when it sounds like o, but doh for dough and thurra for thorough.

although tho

8. Change ough to u when it sounds like ough in through.

thru

Stage 2 - add

9. Change ph to f when it sounds like f.

fonetic fonetically foto fotos fotograf fotografs fotografy fysical fysically

 

Stage 3 – add

10. Change to e when a or ea sounds like head.

alredy eny frend hed jelous meny ses tred

 

 

 

11. Drop useless e when the preceding vowel is short

activ ar curv giv hav involv liv (but not the adjective live) massiv negativ opposit serv wer

[mint]

Chico

I have just recovered from my fit, thanks.  When I was doing linguistics at University, it was suggested that "fish" should be spelt ghoti, that is gh like the "f" in enough, o like "i" in women, ti like "sh" in nation.

There you go.  Who on earth thinks these things up?