A Soap Joke

[Quillan]

Following on from the post about where you get small soaps from I came across this from my google search, enjoy.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened
little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in
the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow from her day off. I
took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6
bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex
dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars
I left today, because my instructions from the management is to leave 3
soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid
I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my
note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room
this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my
medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have
brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which
are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
Please remove them.
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are
instructed to do so by management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your
way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put
the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the
3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet
for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in
last Monday. Please, let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager Mr. Kensedder informed me this A.M. that you called
him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have
assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for
any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me
so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and
5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 745 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason
I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked
Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The
new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today,
since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along
with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days
here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid Kathy has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room
and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call
extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call
the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper Elaine Carmen of your soap problem. I
cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the
inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night
and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay.
I want my one ##### bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of
soap in here. All I want is my bath-size Dial. Please give me back my
bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then
you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4
Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid Kathy did not know I had returned
your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't
know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to
locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As
of today I possess:
On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel
Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4
have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in
use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am
keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman

[Ian Hoare<br>All the best<br>Ian<br>La Souvigne Corrèze<br>http:www.souvigne.com]

[quote]Following on from the post about where you get small soaps from I came across this from my google search, enjoy. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom s...[/quote]

Hi Quillan,

Thank you so much!!! Absolutely blissful story in the vein of the (Asimov, I think) story "Do not fold, spindle or mutilate."

Brightened up our day.

Oh, and by the way, we refuse absolutely to leave little bars of (Gites de France) paper wrapped soap for our guests. Who, in their right mind would have one in their own bathroom?

[Coco]

Great story Chris!

We've always taken Miki's lead on this one.  Don't provide a mini soap each time we have a new check-in - we're a B&B after all, not a hotel.  However, we always have soap on hand for those that have forgotten it or think it will be supplied.  Case in hand tonight, Kiwi travellers who expected it would be provided... and of course, on request, it was!