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How do you handle relatives ?


Frederick

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I do not rent out my house ....the only people who have used it apart from us is our son and his family and our daughter and hers ....and we have not charged them.....the garden has  been worked on and plants bought and put in by them and that is a contribution I feel....but ... what about not so close relatives  who may ask to use it for a holiday by the sea ......I am a big softy who would probably just give them a set of keys .....what do you do in similar circumstances  ?
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'Good' friends and close family will either always offer to take us out for a really good meal or buy the weeks groceries, it was always offered not solicited and I used to feel uncomfortable about accepting but it can be a dear do for us and this way every one is happy.

The worst for bagging a freebie were the not so close friends ( mere aquaintances ) that couldn't wait to invite themselves over for a week of R and R and muggings here had to run around cooking cleaning and picking up the food bill![:@]

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That all sounds so familiar! As I have posted elsewhere, I have decided to convert the large downstairs portion of our house in to some further bedrooms, and a "craft" kitchen for my better half, and a self contained apartment for visitors. Gives them independence and means we're not butler and servant! And "if" the friends once removed, asl about staying, the answer is yes, it will cost a small amount!!!

It's not an easy one though is it[8-)]

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When we first moved here we had no end of 'friends' who suddenly wanted to come and visit (not that we'd seen hide nor hair of them for several years, some of them!). Now we have a second home (just up the road), we suggest that they go and stay there rather than stay with us. When we mention the fee they suddenly don't need to come so desperately. The 'real' freinds realise we're trying to make  some money from it and still come (and pay happily). Those that were never really proper friends don't come at all. Our close relatives stay with us still, but even they relish the novelty of staying in the other house, so we're all happy!

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The only people that stay in our gites free are very close family and friends with whom we have stayed in the past couple of years. It is amazing when you live abroad how many friends are just passing by and want to drop in for a night or two or three or...... after having suffered this sudden love and interest from long lost friends in a number of houses in other countries I have become hardened.  Your accommodation is to be rented out not given away, if people want free accommodation we offer them the floor in our living room and that soon sorts most of them out!  What is worse about a lot of these people is that they expect you to take them out everywhere, feed them and entertain them and expect you to enjoy doing the same.  Real friends, we love to see them, these scroungers get struck off the Christmas card list!

Sue

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I don't think it matters if you have either a Gite or a B&B although having them in a way makes it easier to put 'friends' off because it's a business. When it's just a house it's harder really. The only family we have stay with us for free is our daughter (mind you there's times when I would love to charge her after the mess she leaves behind [;-)] ) and immediate family. Friends we simply say that if they want to come on a bank holiday or during July, August or September then they pay the same as anyone else. Outside that time we will offer a 25% discount. You have to be hard, it's a business not a charity you are running.

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I find it best to be honest up front, as we only have a holiday home I usually invite a friend or two to travel down with me as i like the company, but i also let them know what jobs have to be completed when we are there and usualy find that we complete work in the mornings then explore eat ect in the afternoon evenings.  This has worked really well for the past two years as my OH  doesnt have as much holiday as i do and cant always be with me and kids when we are in france.

In my case so far, it has worked out best for us as our visitors have always contributed to shopping cleaning etc, they know what is expected and its amazing how much work you can get completed when its made into a game with the kids.

J

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In 7 years of having our French house, we have had various friends and relatives descend. Only one lot proved absolutely terrible and we no longer speak to them! It has to be said that my husband was still in the UK when these particular scoungers turned up, I think they would have had shorter shift from him had he been there!

* They needed picking up from the airport.

* They did not offer to pay the airport parking ticket nor the motorway charge.

* They ate and drank like food and booze was going out of fashion!

* No offer of paying the supermarket bill - in fact the husband added to my trolley extra food he wanted personally. The next time I shopped I insisted on going alone! He tried to do this again on the last day of his stay with his take home booze, cheese etc. I was wise by this time and told him to get his own trolley!

* No help in house with washing up or tidying up! In fact they were put out when I had to clean up as it delayed their trips out!

* Landed me with all the coffees and icecreams etc on the tourist trips I took them on! And no, there was no offers of paying for diesel!

* Suggested we went out for a big meal at the posh nosh joint - and yes - you have guessed it -walked out when it was time to pay the bill - they needed some air!

* Repeat trip back to the airport! Wallets firmly in pockets!

They are so thick skinned and wonder why I do not want to talk to them on the telephone! In life it is easier to stay nothing, whay good does having a row do? I have just learnt my lesson. I try to put people off from coming as much as possible and I now say to people who insist, I must have help round the house and they must pay halves to my shopping bill. There are still the 'friends' who turn up unexpectedly and ponce on you for a few days but there is not much you can do about this!

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[quote user="Athene"]

In 7 years of having our French house, we have had various friends and relatives descend. Only one lot proved absolutely terrible and we no longer speak to them! It has to be said that my husband was still in the UK when these particular scoungers turned up, I think they would have had shorter shift from him had he been there!

* They needed picking up from the airport.

* They did not offer to pay the airport parking ticket nor the motorway charge.

* They ate and drank like food and booze was going out of fashion!

* No offer of paying the supermarket bill - in fact the husband added to my trolley extra food he wanted personally. The next time I shopped I insisted on going alone! He tried to do this again on the last day of his stay with his take home booze, cheese etc. I was wise by this time and told him to get his own trolley!

* No help in house with washing up or tidying up! In fact they were put out when I had to clean up as it delayed their trips out!

* Landed me with all the coffees and icecreams etc on the tourist trips I took them on! And no, there was no offers of paying for diesel!

* Suggested we went out for a big meal at the posh nosh joint - and yes - you have guessed it -walked out when it was time to pay the bill - they needed some air!

* Repeat trip back to the airport! Wallets firmly in pockets!

They are so thick skinned and wonder why I do not want to talk to them on the telephone! In life it is easier to stay nothing, whay good does having a row do? I have just learnt my lesson. I try to put people off from coming as much as possible and I now say to people who insist, I must have help round the house and they must pay halves to my shopping bill. There are still the 'friends' who turn up unexpectedly and ponce on you for a few days but there is not much you can do about this!

[/quote]

EEEEEEEEK! Poor you, my patience would have lasted milliseconds

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We have always taken a slightly different tack in that we explain, right from the initial enquiry, that friends/family are welcome to visit but as we are no longer earning, we would appreciate a contribution towards the food and fuel.

Suprisingly, it works and has not, to date, caused any problems. The typical response is like " Well of course, we wouldn't expect you to feed and entertain us for nothing".

If its any consolation, the visitor flow diminishes once you've got a few years under your belt.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Athene, when they didnt offer to pay at the airport alarm bells should have rung [:)]

people this thick skinned have no feelings at all so you cant possibly hurt them by saying something. Maybe theyd have left earlier if you had. I wont offer solutions for 'next time'...just do not let there be a 'next time'. Sorry but I would not have been able to hold my tongue, especially at the supermarket [:)]

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We are not alone then!  During The Race, we had a friend to stay.  He always comes for the big week, and is well known for his short arms and long pockets.  He's a great friend but tight-fisted just isn't in it - he is famous for his parsimony.  This year, I also had a couple of friends staying close by in a local b&b.  I had booked the thing for them, including race tickets.  At the beginning of the week, we're sitting at our place having a bbq and the two guys said "We want to take the two of you out to lunch, to thank you for organising this."  Nice.  So, off we go the next day to said restaurant and the five of us - Mr C and I, two chaps plus Mr Short Arms. At the end of the meal, the bill comes and Mr S/A quickly says to my two friends: "That was very kind of you.  Thanks for the meal."  In spite of my attempts to shame him by openly reminding him that it was Mr C and I whom they had offered to pay for, he did not rise to the bait.  Some people are just experts at not paying for anything!
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Thats worse than one of our so-called friends.Invited us to dinner-both my wife and I chose dishes from the menu that wouldn't bankrupt him and when the bill came-what did he say? you've guessed-Shall we split it?.
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  • 3 weeks later...
Know about this one.  Daughter had a brilliant idea for her 18th birthday next year - she and dozens of her screeching mates will descend on our place in France, set up some sort of mini-Glastonbury festival / rave in the garden and we have to do is pay all the transport, catering and most importantly, their booze requirments!  I think you can guess what our answer to this marvellous idea was...................[:@]
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[quote user="Blanche Neige"]I recently booked a family member plus her friends into the local B&B  (friends were hangers on looking for a cheap bed for the night!) A good solution as far as I was concerned, they came to us for the day and evening meal .[/quote]That's what I do with my mother - gives the two of us a bit of breathing space overnight.  Phew!
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Freddy, did you get the house for free?...no. Give them the keys free for once and you are shot. Either charge them a fee or dont do it at all. Please dont go ahead and give them a free holiday and then write here with a list of complaints about how they treated you and your property. In my opinion, people who ask for, and expect, a free ride are thick skinned enough to cope with a firm 'no'. If they get offended...ditch them. You know what?. We paid a fortune to buy a hotel; we do not give our rooms free to friends just because they are friends. We have bills to pay. You paid good money to buy yourself a home...you did not buy it to give free accommodation to all and sundry.
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There is, of course, an important difference between those of you who are in business and those of us who are simply retired and greeting friends socially (much like we would in the UK).

The attitude of those in the former category is completely understandable and I suspect that your only difficulty is whether you've felt able to 'front up' to the need for a commercial stance from the word 'go'.

For us in the latter category, I detect an increasing awareness from friends visiting.  Now getting in to the 2nd & 3rd round of Summer visits and people are paying for the groceries, filling up the car, as well as treating us to a nice (not necessarily wildly expensive) lunch out.  It's thoughtful and considerate, but maybe we're just lucky.   

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  • 2 weeks later...

This sort of thing makes my lood boil, some people seem to think that beause you live in France you are holding open house free..........a few years ago, when our hopes of living in France were shattered an email friend offered us their caravan free, just pay for the gas we used, which we accepted gratefully.

I asked if there was anything they needed from the UK and bought it, not a vast outlay, but I would not accept any payment, they had been kind enough to offer us accomodation...we shared a couple of meals, and  they insisted as thanks for the stuff we had taken out for them, we were taken out for lunch.............not an expensive restaurant but one of those wonderful places that only opened for lunch and if you did not get there by 12noon you could not get a seat..........a 5 course lunch, with wine the total bill for 4 was €40........we appreciated the accomodation...........the wonderful scenery and were happy to pay for the gas..................

Relatives especially seem to think that you bought a place in France purely to entertain them and they can bag a free holiday,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,b***** cheek.

I am afraid if it was me I wuld make it clear that I expected them to pay for at least fuel if we went out for a trip, help with general chores and buy the groceries........in fact I think I would go as far as saying well you are welcome to come and stay but my charges are................................and give them a resonable amount to defray the cost of entertaining them.....airport collections XZY......and help with the housework etc appreciated.............

I know its very difficult, but you have to live, freeloaders make my blood pressure rise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...
My neighbour's brother and mother bought a place in France and asked my neighbour to go in with them on the purchase(he could afford it)-he didn't but always moaned later when he wanted to go there and they charged him-I always said NO when he enquired about our place.
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