"Dog Lovers"

[Christine Animal]

I found this on a site, some are quite funny, and I'm obviously "guilty" of many. How about you?  

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A DOG PERSON WHEN ......

You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the

house, but no babies.

The bin is more or less permanently off the floor or in the kitchen

sink...,to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.

You refer to yourselves as Mummy and Daddy.

Your dog sleeps with you.

Poo has become a source of conversation for you and your significant

other.

You can't see out of the side and rear car windows because there are

nose-prints all over the inside.

You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but she

understands.

Your dog eats cat poo, but you still let them kiss you (but not

immediately afterward, of course).

You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.

You carry dog treats in your pocket at all times.

You talk about your dogs the way other people talk about their kids.

You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.

You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.

You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to

the movies with your sweetheart.

You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the

few places your dog is allowed inside.......

and your dog loves to go with you.

You open your bag, and a big bunch of "poo bags" pops out.

You get an extra-long hose on your shower, just so you can use it

to wash your dog.

You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day.

Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from

the chemist.

Your car looks ( and smells!!) like a kennel.

You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard

chirping "wee wee" over and over again,

whilst your dog plays and forgets what they are out there for.

(but what your neighbours think of your behaviour is yet another story).

You have your dog's picture in a frame at home (but no one else's).

You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get.

You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.

You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog

needs a walk.

You don't go out with co-workers after work any more because you need to

go home and see your dog.

Your dog acts as 'ring bearer' at your wedding.

Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for extra

long walks. (both days). Well they miss out in the week!!!!

You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken.... so your dog

gets a taste, too.

You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is

afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.

You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.

You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet/purse instead of

parents, children, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.

Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog.

Your house isn't carpeted--the fuzzy furballs under your feet are soft

enough...

Your hungry hubby comes home from work, lifts the cover of the pan on the

stove and says,

"Is this people food or dog food?"

Your hungry hubby once ate the dog food and asked for seconds.

You don't give a second thought to using the brush you just used on your

dog to give a quick run through on your own hair.

At your dinner parties, you always double check the butter before putting

it on the table.

You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped gifts.

You have dog toys and treats in your briefcase.

You have several albums filled with the 8 x 10 pictures of your dogs,

but you can't locate any pictures of your kids to send to grandma.

You show up at the car dealers with your dog, to measure and see if they

fit comfortably. No point buying it if not!!

You can't get the shopping in the car because its full of dogs.

You visit relatives only if there is a dog show nearby.

You remove all the seats from the van except the two in the front so you

have room for all your "dog stuff"

The passenger seat is also full of dog stuff!!

You cringe at the price of food in the shops but think nothing of

the cost of dog food or treats.

You have 6 squeaky hedgehogs... but only one with a squeaky that works.

You pull out your credit card and bits of dog treat are stuck to it...

When you get your latest roll of film and there isn't a single picture of

a two-legged person in it...

[Miggimeggi]

Oh my God!!!!!  Almost every one, and I thought it was just me (and my friend Marilyn in Australia).

Anne

[Deimos]

DOG PROPERTY LAWS

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Ian

[Deimos]

Dog Dictionary

BATH:

This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and

themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

 

BICYCLES:

Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat.

To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash

out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then

swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

 

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

 

DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

 

DROOL:

Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this

properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the

drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

 

GARBAGE CAN:

A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your

ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off

with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine

wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

 

GOOSE BUMP:

A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get

the attention you require.....especially effective when combined with

The Sniff.

 

LEAN: Every good dogs's response to the

command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening

out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.

 

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

 

LOVE:

Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without

restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail.

If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.

 

SOFAS:

Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to

run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

 

THUNDER:

This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain

amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of

the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes

wildly, and following at their heels.

 

WASTEBASKET:

This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper.

When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over

the house until your person comes home.

Ian

[Christine Animal]

 

When God made the earth and sky, The flowers and the trees. He then made all the animals, The fish, the birds, and bees. And when at last He'd finished Not one was quite the same. He said, "I'll walk this world of mine, And give each one a name." And so he travelled far and wide And everywhere he went, A little creature followed him Until its strength was spent. When all were named upon the earth And in the sky and sea, The little creature said, "Dear Lord, There's not one left for me." Kindly the Father said to him, "I've left you to the end. I've turned my name back to front And called you dog, my friend.

The family’s dog was bought for a guard,
Chained to a post in a chilly backyard,
Housed in a shed that was airless and dark,
And every few weeks had a run in the park.
When boredom set in with no fun and no work,
One day it broke loose and went quietly berserk.
Pa couldn't fathom just why it went wild,
As it flattened his wife and then bit his child.
The police were called in to sort out the mess,
And the whole sorry tale was revealed by the press,
The Rescue Society was really annoyed,
So, the dog was rehomed; and the owners destroyed.

 

[Miggimeggi]

 

Dog Property Laws

First saw this years ago in a little mag. called Dane Capers put out monthly in South Africa by the Great Dane Rescue people.  I laughed until I cried because it is so true.  I am laughing  again now.  Thank you.

 

Anne

[Christine Animal]

Welcome to the forum Anne, especially as you seem to be nearly as "barking mad" as me.

But your Dog Property Laws doesn't come out.  Is it supposed to be a link?

 

[Miggimeggi]

Sorry, no not a link.  It is a reference to a previous reply on this thread from Deimos.  It seems to be so particularly relevant to Dane character.

And thank you for the welcome.

Regards

Anne

[Christine Animal]

Sorry for being so fick... and there I was thinking "I wonder if she's trying to put a similar text to Ian's"  [:$]

Do you have Danes?

[Miggimeggi]

Yes, we have had many in the past but now just one 6 year old boy, but we are trying to adopt a girl from the dogue rescue site which you gave on a different thread.  We are waiting for their déléguée to contact us so that we can be vetted.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Regards

Anne

[Christine Animal]

That's marvellous Anne, they are the greatest of creatures, almost "human".  They always want to carry something, ours, Lisa, used to take visitors' handbags and proudly carry them round the room.  Not very healthy, but she used to carry our baguette up the six flights of stairs in Paris.  And if they don't have anything to carry, they take your hand.  Good for you saving one, sure you will pass the vetting, please keep us posted.

[Miggimeggi]

My very first one (a rescue) used to proudly carry cooked chickens taken off a worktop with me running after him around the garden.  Didn't have to jump for it,  just turned his head and grabbed it at a full gallop as he made for the open back door.  He could actually consume it, bones and all on the run.  He took three before I learned. And yes, some of ours used to take a hand tho' not the one we have now.  And lap sitting!   Friend of ours took hers on a bus which had a "lap dogs only" notice and he obediently sat on her lap with feet on the floor.  The conductor laughed so much he let them stay.

Yes, I will keep you posted.

Regards

Anne

[tinaw]

Fabulous thread – I’ve been getting some strange looks across the office as I’m laughing so loud!!

 

Thanks for brightening up my day

 

Tina

[Deimos]

Why Dogs Should Be President

 

They work well together.

They work for the good of the pack.

They protect their young and their elders.

They do not kill indiscriminately.

They do not lie, cheat or steal.

They won't spend money redecorating the White House.

They do not read Newspapers, watch TV or give interviews.

Their clothes don't have zippers or pockets.

They don't indulge in fantasies.

They can be NEUTERED!!

Ian

[Christine Animal]

...and while we're on the subject

                                               

 

and specially for Ian, don't you have a "mixed Border"...

                                                 

 

[Deimos]

Nice one (though I’ve got two and found that the mixed one

is actually LOF so is other).

 

Its actually quite appropriate as the elder one has always

been obsessed with the TV and TV Remote Control.  The other week I though he would like to learn to fetch it for me

and the warning “be careful what you teach your dog as he/she may just do what

they have been taught” now rings very true. 

My TV remote is full of teeth marks and he will spend all evening

watching the TV remote, licking it, nosing it, picking it up and dropping it,

etc.

[IMG]http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c90/ib72/bc1.jpg[/IMG]

Ian

[Christine Animal]

                              

                                    Merry Christmas Everyone...

                             

                           

[Christine Animal]

One dog is no trouble,
and two are so funny,
the third one is easy,
the fourth one's a honey.

The fifth is delightful,
the sixth one's a breeze.
You find you can live
with a houseful, with ease.

So how 'bout another?
Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy,
but Oh Lord, the Hair!

With dogs on the sofa,
and dogs on the bed,
And crates in the kitchen,
its no bother, you said.

 They're really no trouble,
their manners are great.
What's just one more dog
and one more little crate?

The sofa is hairy,
the windows are crusty.
The floor is all foootprints,
the furniture's dusty.

The housekeeping suffers,
but what do you care?
Who minds a few noseprints
and a little more hair?  

So let's keep a puppy,
you can always find room
And a little more time
for the dust cloth and broom.

There's hardly a limit
to the dogs you can add.
The thought of a cutback,
sure makes you feel sad.

Each one is special,
so useful, so funny,
the food bill grows larger,
you owe the vet money.

Your folks never visit,
few friends come to stay,
Except other dog folks,
who live the same way.

Your lawn has now died
and our shrubs are dead,too.
Your weekends are busy,
your off with your crew.

There's dog food and vitamins,
training and shots,
And entries and travel
and motels which cost lots.  

Is it worth it you wonder?
Are you caught in a trap?
Then that favorite comes up
and climbs in your lap.

His look says you're special
and you know that you will
Keep all the critters
in spite of the bill.

Some just for showing,
and some just to breed,
And some just for loving,
they all fill a need.

Winter is a hassle,
but the dogs love it true,
And they must have their walks
tho' you are numb and blue.

Late evening is awful,
you scream and you shout
At the dogs on the sofa,
who refuse to go out.

The dogs and the dog shows,
the travel, the thrills.
The work and the worry,
the pressure, the bills.

The whole thing seems worth it,
the dogs are your life.
They're charming and funny
and offset the strife.

Your lifestyle has changed,
things just won't be the same.
Yes those dogs are addictive
and so's the dog game!

 

[PossumGirl]

[quote user="Christine Animal"]                                              

 

and specially for Ian, don't you have a "mixed Border"...

                                                 

 

[/quote]

Diva Maggie says don't forget her!

PG

[Christine Animal]

No, I don't forget her Randy.  I read about her the other night on your site and it was very touching how you wrote about your relationship.  I know what you mean, there are some with whom the contact is extra special.   [:)]

 

[Pads]

Ok where exactly is that camera you put in my house? or are there really other people out there like my husband and I and Tigue and Balloo?

[Christine Animal]

The ten commandments for dog owners

 
I My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful for me.

II Give me time to understand what you want of me.

III Place your trust in me, it is crucial for my well-being.

IV Don't be angry with me for too long, and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I have only YOU.

V Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me.

VI Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it.

VII Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.

VIII Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I've been out in the sun too long, and my heart may be getting old and weak.

IX Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.

X Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch it", or, "Let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if you are there.

Remember, I love you!

 

[PossumGirl]

Christine, you made me cry.

PG

[Robbie34]

If only all dog owners took these to heart.

Number ten is perhaps the most difficult.  I have had to bear this with three of my dogs.  My last little fellow, a cocker spaniel, was sixteen and had been on a drip for a couple of days at the vets.  Upon my last call to see how he was I was asked to visit and talk to the vet about him.  I knew what was in store and took his blanket with me.  Benjie was wheeled on a trolley, with the drip still in his leg, into a waiting room where I spent about twenty minutes alone with him.  The vet then came back and said it was time and would I like to leave him.  I wouldn't dream of just leaving him alone, and I cuddled him whilst the drug was inserted in the drip.  He passed away peacefully, with me in tears, and was carried out to my car, wrapped in his blanket, to be taken home to his last resting place in the garden. 

[Christine Animal]

As long as we go all the way with them, we have been as faithful as they have.

Here's something to cheer you both up (I wonder if she has a microwave...   [kiss] )