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Bullying in French schools (?)


Sara

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We moved to France in 2002, my husband and myself had always been francophiles. My husband who was just 40 then had to stop working due to ill health. We decided to move to Normandy so that we could drive back to England to see his specialist as often as required.

In 2003 after years of trying we were blessed in having a baby boy. When he was 3 he started the local private maternal school. Jacques was always a very friendly little boy and always tried to be friends with everyone, despite obviously the language difference at that age. Even at that age I sensed an unfriendliness with some of the children as Jac would wave, smile and say "bonjour" and in return he would just get a' blank face look' back at him.

Four years later the children that just used to stare at him or call him names now are developing an alarming tendancy to sometimes kick, punch or call him stupid!!

There are 9 boys and 8 girls in his class. Four boys out of the 9 are turning into bullies and are the ones who are calling him names & sometimes push, kick or punch him, 2 call him names etc. and 3 just look at him and ignore him. He used to have a good friend (friend for the last 4 years) but when all the children played together someone would tell Jac 'to go away!!' His friend now plays with Jac's bullies. The girls being girls don't play with boys and either just ignore him or call him names ( rubbish...etc...)

Jac is now a quieter little boy and recently has had problems sleeping over this situation.

Jac's school work is good and all the teachers have been pleased with him. He is tested twice a week on spelling, maths or verbs and he nearly always gets an A. (So I no he is not stupid !)lI think this annoys the children.

The teacher is very supportive I have been keeping her informed since September, but unfortunately the situation seems to be deteriorating further. Last Friday Jac had been kicked in the playground just before lessons the teacher witnessed this. She made him the particular boy say sorry to Jac but in the space of just 1 hour whilst in the local church (for a festive celebration) the same boy & others were kicking Jac from behind and once again calling him names. I told the teacher about this further incident & I am now planning to speak with the head mistress. Jac plucked up the courage, confronted the group of bullies in the playground & made them aware that if his is punched or kicked again his mother will tell the headmistress immediately. This took some courage on his part.

Jac has just made a recent & new friend who is in the other class of CE1- I am hoping the bullies do not try and stop this new friendship!

I cannot believe this is a local problem confined to just this part of Normandy. I have a suspicion that the bullying is started by certain parents making negative comments about foreigners living here. I believe that where I live they are becomming xenophobic!! A great shame, not my dream of France.

Has anyone on this forum experienced anything similar?

Sara
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Many thanks for your reply and suggestion.

I have now done this. It doesn't seem to be a unique problem. Far from it. Sadly.

I notice, however, that all similar threads are quite old.

Has anyone more up to date experience of this unfortunate fact of life?

Do people think the problem is getting worse.

Having spoken to the teachers at Jac's school they seem to think it is a new problem (last five years) and is getting much worse.

Thanks in advance, Sara
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[quote user="Sara"]The school is a private school ,and is very good regarding his education. We live nr a large town and a lot the children have parents who own/work in the shops.[/quote]

 

Well so much for the wooly thinking banana and his opinions of the lower working classes, I'll bet he doesn't share his opinions with the local Bin men and council workers etc. [:P]

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Experience of the two types of schools in both Belgium and France leads me to the idea that many of the small  village state schools do indeed attract a less than academic element but bullying it is not exclusive, though there might have been better supervision in the libre.

It is not a class matter either.

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Hello

I am one of the previous posters who has witnessed some really nasty behaviour towards my son.  I found this both in the Charente and in the Alps and I would tend to agree that it is related to the parents endorsing an anti-foreign mentality, interestingly enough the kids in the Alps hated anyone for outside, sometimes being really awful to kids from the neighbouring school which was just a couple of KM away.  My son became quite withdrawn and is still by far the quietist boy I know despite being back in the UK in school for a year.  I have enrolled him in drama classes now as the teachers here think his timidness holds him back, this from a child who was positively precocious at 3 when I took him to France! 

My worst moment in France was hearing kids that he'd known for years send him to the back of the line as France was for the French and he just hung his head and did it, it was the day I decided enough was enough.

I dont beleive that its always like this and certainly would have thought that your child having been born in France would be beter treated than those that arrive later in childhood. 

Personally I would change schools and let him try with a different set of kids, the larger the school the better for giving the chance of finding his niche in a wider pool of kids.  My son spent 18 months in a town school and I regret having to move from that school as it was by far the best of the three we encountered. 

Hope it all sorts itself out, I know the feeling too well.

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My eldest was bullied in primaire by the now maire's son of my old village. The Maire is vile and so is his wife! This was in CE1 and CE2 and fortunately the 'big' girls in the school used to look out for him. He eventually hit the lad back and it all stopped.

My youngest was never bullied by kids, I now consider that the way most of his teachers treat him from secondary school onwards to be nigh on torture, mental not physical. He is damaged goods that is for sure.
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[quote user="Russethouse"]And that comment helps the OP how ?[/quote]

It draws attention to the fact that in french schools the use of letters is not adopted; I and Norman I presume have doubts as to the correctness of the OPs assessment of the childs academic standard.

I presume you would have noticed this when revising the marks of your children in a french educational establishment.

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The letter 'A' on school reports usually stands for 'aquis' as in the child has acquired the competence in that particular matière as apposed to NA for non-aquis (can't think what the third abreviation is at this moment). For any individual tests, they are usually a score out of 20. You could get a general mark of 'A' in the subject but score average on tests.

As for the bullying I don't know what to suggest, my 2 have been in school since 2002 (have experienced moyenne section of maternelle through to Premier in lycée) and haven't experienced any bullying. Do you collect your child from the playground/see the bully's or their parents? I would be tempted to confront the kids/parents directly. It's not easy. How 'visible' are you? I was always at the school gate, chatted with other parents, and was representative parent/prof one year, the kids said bonjour and/or gave bises - I do think it makes a difference to be 'there'.
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[quote user="Suze"]The letter 'A' on school reports usually stands for 'aquis' as in the child has acquired the competence in that particular matière as apposed to NA for non-aquis (can't think what the third abreviation is at this moment). For any individual tests, they are usually a score out of 20. You could get a general mark of 'A' in the subject but score average on tests. [/quote]

Come now Suze if Norman AND PPP say letters are not used then that must be true - or are the fonts of all knowledge wrong again.

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And sorry, for the OP bullying is a terrible thing, sadly children can be extremely cruel. Dennis Potter wrote an amzing film, Blue Hills Remembered, which was set during the 2nd WW in which adults played children showing how children can be horrible to one another.

It always seems to be based on anyone with a slight difference being targetted. Wrong to have to move children to another school to escape the bullies whilst the bullies get off with no punishment.

Best of luck during which must be a very troubling period.

Paul

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[quote user="Sara"]Regarding your comment on marking they use as follows: A (acquis,) B (a renforcer) C ( Encours d'acquisation) D non acquis.[/quote]

We also had these marks on our sons reports whilst in CM1 and CM2 - now everything is marked out of 20 so maybe it changes as they get older?

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Back onto the subject of bullying. Jacques used to eat at school every lunch time until I found out that he was wondering around the playground looking for someone to play with. I now make the 15 minutes trip to pick him up for lunch , he now eats at home and is much happier. He can focus on his morning lesson come home for support and cuddles and then back to school for his lessons. Monday this week I took Jacques back to school 5 mins earlier and watched him secretly at the gate. Jacques found his 'new friend' and were happy running around together, they were joined by his last best friend Almeric (unfortunately the bullies were with Almeric)

They were running around playing 'it' (or something similar) I was just starting to feel happier when I witnessed a very upsetting sight. One of the bullies went up to Jacques pushed him away and told him to go!! Then the other bully joined in and I saw him push and then pinch Jacques.- With that I flew into the playground and shouted at them No!! That is not acceptable. You must be kind to each other, I then said the next time I hear you have either punched, kicked etc I will speak to the head mistress. THey both looked sheepish. They have not bothered Jacques since , but it is early days!!

That evening I mentioned it to his teacher, who is starting to look bored with the subject. I have also mentioned this bullying to two of the mothers, one of which was the one who pinched him on Monday (she is a very religious lady). Many thanks for all your comments, will keep you posted. To be honest I am finding life hard here. My husband is chronically ill and I get no support from family or friends. (Chronic Illnesses are too boring for people) So I don't check my posts as often as I would like.
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I know I'll probably be shouted down for this but I was bullied at junior school. Older boys and a lot bigger than me.

I was taken aside by an older boy who told me what to do.

Taking all the  courage I had I targeted the ringleader one day and hit him full in the face breaking his nose.

To say he was surprised is a bit of an understatement.

After that incident they left me completely alone.

Bullies are not brave people and usually rely on a gang or their physical size to succeed.

Enroll your son in a martial arts/boxing club.

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Totally agree with what you said. My husband lost his mother when he was 8 years old he had been off school for 4 weeks. The children had been primed to be nice to him the afternoon before. That first morning playtime 3 little "characters" went up to him and chanted' you don't have a mum'. Myu husband got so angry he hit the main bully on the nose and broke it (similar to you).

Jacques started karate in September to give him confidence he has just got his yellow belt. He has not used it on them yet but I feel it will be only a matter of time. Don't really agree with fighting back but if it is the only way to stop the little S***S then let it be......Frankly they don't seem to have the brainpower or parental input to understand much else.

My main point remains, however, that I honestly feel the overall bullying situation in France is getting worse. A reflection of the times I feel. Almost like Britain in the 1980's.........arguably.

Sarah
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[quote user="Rose"][quote user="Sara"]Regarding your comment on marking they use as follows: A (acquis,) B (a renforcer) C ( Encours d'acquisation) D non acquis.[/quote]

We also had these marks on our sons reports whilst in CM1 and CM2 - now everything is marked out of 20 so maybe it changes as they get older?
[/quote] Sorry, I stand corrected, Sara is correct. I forgot the nuances as my kids are older now and at collège/lycée where it's all marked out of 20.
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[quote user="PaulT"]

[quote user="Suze"]The letter 'A' on school reports usually stands for 'aquis' as in the child has acquired the competence in that particular matière as apposed to NA for non-aquis (can't think what the third abreviation is at this moment). For any individual tests, they are usually a score out of 20. You could get a general mark of 'A' in the subject but score average on tests. [/quote]

Come now Suze if Norman AND PPP say letters are not used then that must be true - or are the fonts of all knowledge wrong again.

[/quote]

Two fonts wow that would be a double-whammy!

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[quote user="pachapapa"][quote user="PaulT"]

[quote user="Suze"]The letter 'A' on school reports usually stands for 'aquis' as in the child has acquired the competence in that particular matière as apposed to NA for non-aquis (can't think what the third abreviation is at this moment). For any individual tests, they are usually a score out of 20. You could get a general mark of 'A' in the subject but score average on tests. [/quote]

Come now Suze if Norman AND PPP say letters are not used then that must be true - or are the fonts of all knowledge wrong again.

[/quote]

Two fonts wow that would be a double-whammy!

[/quote]Are you available for baptisms?

 

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Sara, there seems to be a lot of evidence that bullying - and racism - are rife here and that schools don't do as much about either as they should. 

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[quote user="cooperlola"][quote user="pachapapa"][quote user="PaulT"]

[quote user="Suze"]The letter 'A' on school reports usually stands for 'aquis' as in the child has acquired the competence in that particular matière as apposed to NA for non-aquis (can't think what the third abreviation is at this moment). For any individual tests, they are usually a score out of 20. You could get a general mark of 'A' in the subject but score average on tests. [/quote]

Come now Suze if Norman AND PPP say letters are not used then that must be true - or are the fonts of all knowledge wrong again.

[/quote]

Two fonts wow that would be a double-whammy!

[/quote]Are you available for baptisms?

 

Sorry to hear about your troubles, Sara, there seems to be a lot of evidence that bullying - and racism - are rife here and that schools don't do as much about either as they should. 

[/quote]

Nice one..sorry only for twins.[:)]

I thought I would hang on to the pejorative "font" tag as the expression is more correctly "the fount of all wisdom".

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