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Why do you stay in France?


Rose

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Well thank you all!  I think all in all you've given me a fair and honest response and from more than a few like minded people so I feel I can silence the niggles! 

In answer to a few points- our child is young and his age does factor into the 'moving now' rather than later option.  There seems to be a very clear consensus that the younger children are the better and we feel that he should have very little problems at his age and hopefully will spend a great deal more time with mummy and daddy (daddy especially!).  I agree about our language needing to improve, it isn't hopeless but it does need work and we are prepared to do that, I find that speaking French at the moment is tiring  because I have to listen, think/translate and then respond - I am guessing that the more we learn and the more we speak the easier this will be? I can't wait as we are both very keen to improve -  A friend of mine lived in France many years ago after school and she said she ended up dreaming in French - this would be good!   Lastly, can I just say that whilst the weather is a factor in our decision it isn't a reason for moving, otherwise spain/USA maybe an option?  It is just a factor... and loving the weather means all kinds of weather and especially seasons - And the rain, well I guess winter is winter where ever you are but it's the grey summer days that I hate and that when you plan anything in july/august you always seem to end up praying the rain will go away and doing the BBQ on the grill! [:$] that's the bit of the weather that I won't miss - I am hoping we get to spend a lot more time just living and being outdoors. 

I'll keep watching!

 

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Pink Specs seems to have already decided France is a great place, identified the area of the country to make a new home and even decided on life style objectives. I wonder what else Pink Specs seeks? Reassurance, encouragement? There is no such place as Nivana, even in SW France but it comes fairly close. That's about as good as life ever gets. I believe we as a specie are designed for toil, struggle, experience difficulties and joy in equal measures. All those things await you here in France, as well as anywhere else. The difference I feel about life in France is a profound sense of personal space, a high regard for the rights of man, tolerance and respect for the individual. These values prevail fundamentally in the fabric. I personally don't feel that anymore in other countries, so in France I remain. After all, being close to Nivana is better than the alternative. 
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Thank you for that Logan - your comments certainly touched a nerve for me!  I think I was seeking a bit of reassurance - the decision to move has been made and we are making commitments and we have a date fixed.  Hubby ignores the chat on the forums and just looks for answers, I tend to read the emotional bits and this is where I guess I hear upsets and frustation and this is what creates the niggles... I've silenced them for now but I guess a little caution isn't a bad thing?
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Llwyncelyn, just to add that husband and I are both from mining families, and my husband worked down the pit, so we know about it all. Husband  is also very interested in all the history/folklore/folk music related to mining. My  FIL was in the miners strike of 84/85 and was pensioned off when they shut all the mines as it was considered better to have children in the third world mining the coal.

EDIT, France shut all it's pits too, so they probably thought the same thing.

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[quote user="pale_pink_specs"]Thank you for that Logan - your comments certainly touched a nerve for me!  I think I was seeking a bit of reassurance - the decision to move has been made and we are making commitments and we have a date fixed.  Hubby ignores the chat on the forums and just looks for answers, I tend to read the emotional bits and this is where I guess I hear upsets and frustation and this is what creates the niggles... I've silenced them for now but I guess a little caution isn't a bad thing?[/quote]

Your future in France will be a challenge Pink Specs. That's what makes life rich, rewarding and worth living. Bon Courage.

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Llwyncelyn, it would be a shame if you stopped posting, it really would.  You have given the forum readers lots of good advice.  I think Miki was having a "Derek and Clive" moment.  Oh and by the way, his dad was a miner from good old Merthyr Fiddlesville!

My grandad retired from the mines at 70 after working there from the age of 14 with his lungs full of dust and died a 72.

Anyway, I don't live in France but I plan to move out there after my youngest has completed their education in about 7 years time.  Why?  because by then I will have everything paid off and will be earning investment income.  Well it is better that sitting around here for the rest of my life isnt it?  However, I will downsize here which be used as a holiday home pour moi[:)]

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        I had to think seriously about this one.

1)      To be close to the UK for family.

2)      The excellent (for me) weather of my chosen region.

3)      Fluency in the language enabling me to integrate to an extent where I consider having a full social life. People in this region are quite insular and ‘’real’’ integration passes through the capacity to fully communicate with them. In areas such as Paris or PACA, lack of fluency may not pose the same problems due to the international nature of the regions.

4)      Proximity to Spain where I would really prefer to be but my Spanish is only average and my Catalan is appalling.  I’m working hard on my Spanish and perhaps at some point in the future I may reach a level enabling me to move permanently across the border.

            So, perhaps what is keeping me in France is the lovely weather of the region and proximity to Spain.[8-)]

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My wife is French and so we moved. France certainly wasnt a move of choice for me, and I unfortunately have had more bad experiences in France than good. My life style has gone from one of living rather comfortably to one of living out a suitcase while travelling through Europe seeing mainly Airports and Hotel rooms. I have gone from a stage of having a fairly active social life to having no one to talk to. What is funnier I had a better stocked bar in India, than I do in France. I would for example drink top tier vodka in India (Smirnoff/Grey Goose) and am now drinking mainly the cheapest crap available. Mainly because in India about 70% of my income was essentially disposable. Even though I make a decent living by French standards, (well above the average) I seem to have no money.

France has a number of problems, but seems to have the countryside and health system going for it when compared to some of the other European countries. If I had an option to do it over again, I wouldnt. I now know what living your life in slient desperation actually means.

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The more you think about something, the more reasons you find not to do the something. 

pcwhizz, that is not true, well not for us. But by gum do I like to 'know' as much as possible before I do most things. Apart from now, as we are a bit blocked in rural France and I am bored stupid, we usually live rather interesting lives.

 

Go with your gut reaction, life is not about money.

 

And I've done the not having much money thing when our kids were little, it has little to recommend it.

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This will surprise no-one, but I'm with Afy and TeamedUp.

I'm sorry, but I am very, very bored in France, and I find myself unable to find a way out of that.

I'm working at home in France just now with my laptop, and Mr SB keeps saying to me "are you still working?   You're only paid for 37 hours a week, you know!".

And he's right, I am only paid for 37 hours a week.  So why do I work more than that?  Because, sad to say, I realise that I have nothing else to do here (oh yes, and I do enjoy my work!).   I wonder now how I've survived the last 2 or 3 years.   No doubt my frustration has been evident on the forums at times!  [:)]

I don't dislike France, the sky is often blue, but blue sky and large lettuces don't make up for lack of work and lack of money.   Contrary to popular belief, the best things in life are not free!  [:)]

 

 

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If we hadn't been guaranteed at least one income before we moved, we wouldn't have come.  If it comes to the point where one income is not coming in, we will move. If we dodn't have enough money to give our children at least the same standard of living that we enjoyed, we'll move. 

Nice weather is all very well, but if you're working, it doesn't make much difference.  I'm not bored as I work full time and actually, don't get as much time as I'd like to "enjoy France".   Moving here when you are young, and especially if you have kids you need to ensure that you can make a living, in my opinion.  Anything else would be too big a risk for me.  I have no interest in being my own boss and the thought of the b&b/gite trade horrifies me (too much like hard work!).

I have had a great two years here, have definitely made the right move and am much happier here than I was in London and probably than I would be back home in Dublin. I see my long term future here - I like what I have seen of the health system, the outdoor living (sports freaks in our region) and the country side. I see more of my family and friends than I did in London.  My French is pretty good and I work in an international environment so talking to people and making friends hasn't been too hard.  For kids, I think being billingual is a great skill and I'd prefer them to do the Bac than A-levels.  But if I was unemployed or had a finite amount of income, I'm sure it would be horrible and depressing, no matter how pretty my view was. 

We did a lot of preparation before we came here, in terms of sorting out income and language skills and I feel it has paid off.  Don't jump into the abyss - give yourself a fighting chance.

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Rumz, lass,

Yes, sometimes I felt very sorry for your situation. However, reading your post at face value, at the moment you seem to have an ideal situation on your own terms. Assuming you're still on that big blue contract then you're getting a reasonable whack of loot and job satisfaction AND all the sunshine & lettuce (I know you LOVE lettuce) that you could wish for.

I know that stuff such as like-minded friends and leisure activities also feature in your wish list so everything is not perfect, but maybe having more sous will help to pay for trips to the theatre or wherever (buying friends being less advisable).

Chin up!

 

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Hmmm lazy mind. That is about the only thing about me that isn't lazy really. I am very good at thinking about things. I can look at jobs and think about them for ages, (in fact it can quite wear me out) before I start them. I do eventually get around to everything.

 

And I could be very busy, I do have a whole house to sort out and throw away a quarter of a centuries accumlated 'stuff', but that does not fulfill me in any way. It will get done, in a flurry of hectic lastminuteness. Work for works sake is not my thing. I find women especially, can be like those duracell bunnies of old and be on the constant go, doing mindless tasks and I have never understood that. ie a friend who empties and washes her kitchen cupboards every week and cleans the tops of her doors everyweek.......... says you can eat off them, but I have never fancied that myself.

 

And IF I weren't here, well I already have my self on a course to do something I have wanted to do for years now and can't in France. And I can walk to places where there are people and things happening, night and day and I like that. There are even buses which run after 8pm and there are trains. And yes, I could get some of this in a french town, or city, but not where I am and I am stuck. It really was OK when the kids were young, I never even thought about it. But now, it is boring.

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[quote user="Albert the InfoGipsy"]

Rumz, lass,

Yes, sometimes I felt very sorry for your situation. However, reading your post at face value, at the moment you seem to have an ideal situation on your own terms. Assuming you're still on that big blue contract then you're getting a reasonable whack of loot and job satisfaction AND all the sunshine & lettuce (I know you LOVE lettuce) that you could wish for.

[/quote]

I am quite happy at the moment!  [:)]  But yes, tinged with a bit of something when I think of the wasted years, because I feel that's what they have been.  I'm not saying I've been depressed, but sometimes you don't realise how far you were down and how dark it was down there until you find yourself out in the light again, does that make sense?   And the realisation that information architecture and DITA files http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DITA are by far the most interesting thing in my French village life is somewhat sobering!    Can you blame me for being confused?   [:)]

Money is good!  It meant we could go to see Razorlight in Lyon at the weekend without worrying that the motorway tolls are 21.50 euros each way, and think of the petrol, and we'll have to eat out......  The ancient and untunable 50-quid Oxfam piano is now out in the garden where it belongs, replaced by a Roland, so son is forging ahead with Fur Elise.   And who knows, we might even get a real forrin holiday this year!     

To be honest, I don't mind lettuce, but people in France are so coincé about food, and the tedium of being constantly told what and when I should and shouldn't eat gets taken out on poor old lettuce.   I admit that the lettuce is an innocent party in all of this, and I apologise publicly and unreservedly for any distress I have inadvertently caused to any lettuces or members of their family.   I might even pay the psy bills for the more deserving cases. 

       

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I dont think it matters what country your in , if you dont have like minded friends you will be lonely and start to hate the place you live in. or any thing else to hand that you can blame. I have only recently realised this my self[:(]

I lived in Lancashire 10 years ago with friends i could talk to, laugh with, get drunk with, walk with , horse ride with,. and many other things I like to do. I was very happy worked hard , played hard.

Since moving to cornwall although I have made friends , they are ladies I lunch with[:-))] do a little shopping with . go to there house for afternoon tea[:-))][8-)] Thats not me, Im pretending to like these things ............. Until recently I was so busy with work and renovating our house and garden, which I loved  but its done now and Im bored and can see my friendships for what they are, getting drunk is 2 glasses of wine with them and they have to go home. dont get me wrong they are loverly people , but just not on my wave length. Its very hard in this area and maybe due to my age as well and other things to find people like myself. but I wont give up. plus I stay busy as I can doing the things I like on my own if I have to. some where out there is a friend for me[:D] So Rumzigal your not alone thinking like you do[:D]  

just as a foot note to this I recently contacted through email a french lady near where I have my house in france, she runs a walking club out there, we dont speak each others languge but I have had more laughs with her via email in 2 weeks than I have with people in my own village for years, cant wait to meet her next time im out there, god I hope she likes a beer or 2   

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It also depends on individual mental makeup and what you're used to - not everyone wants or needs regular contact with friends.  In the UK almost all our friends were work colleages (or people whom we met through work colleagues) and we found we saw them rarely outside of work once they had kids.  I can't say I miss them desperately, though I always enjoyed a drink with them and craic.  Work and commuting took up most of our time in the UK and we hadn't the time or energy for going out.  We're always busy here with our own plans and projects, as we were to some extent in the UK - we just have more of them now and all of our time is for us.  Jude used to do the lunching bit every week with some female friends and neighbours but we have always been happy in our own company.

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Yes cassis your right , when my hubby is home and when I was busy doing my house , I never had time to  think about needing friendships, but now its done I have a lot more time on my hands. It is very true about idle hands , and having to much time to think. I am a very independant person and am more than happy to do things on my own, but some times in the evening when hubby is 1000s of miles away a buddy who knows how to drink a pint would be more than welcome around my fire place
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