Garden ornaments

[Val_2]

I just can't stop laughing this morning. Have just had the usual wad of unwanted pub through for local shops etc and one cracked me up so much I thought I would wet myself. With the onset of spring every paper is full of garden stuff and this one from Cash Affaires had everything you could want including ceramic toadstools,plastic owls and giant resin crocodiles with sharp gnashers,just right to place in a nice neat french garden (for those of you who have one and not a wilderness which would be more apt). Even a garden pond of the usual dimensions would be dwarfed by these crocs. What next? Full sized plastic hippos. I'm still chuckling.

[SaligoBay]

They sound like JUST what I need to go with my little stone cherub and plastic rose-tree!!    Oh, and the tasteless ironing-board when I iron outside (and no, Miki, "tasteless" does not mean that I lick my ironing board).

[Battypuss]

One of our ex-neighbours decided that a garden pond would be a tasteful addition to her manicured garden. She badgered her husband non-stop until he dug the hole, lined it with plastic, built a rockery at one end, stocked it with plants and fish...in all, quite a bit of work.

But the pool lacked something. She wasn't sure what exactly, but eventually it came to her in a blinding flash. A statue of the Virgin Mary that glowed in the dark - and in the day, to be truthful, due to the lurid colour scheme - overlooking, protecting and casting a benign influence over all who fell under her gaze. Frankly, you'd have needed something stronger than the Virgin to cast a benevolent eye upon that lady, but there you go.

So, Virgin in the boot, she rolled up to priest's house for the Blessing. He refused. The woman was a known troublemaker. She went to the next village; they'd heard of her too. And so it continued, kilometer by kilometer in an ever-widening search, to no avail. Her reputation had preceeded her. After about three months, she finally found some old dodderer who was stone deaf and the deed was done. She and Mary came home in triumph.

Installed and glowing eerily on the goldfish, Mary did her stuff. No herons ate the goldfish, the kids were doing well at school, battered husband gave up smoking etc.

Then the lady ran off with the postman. Ten minutes later, Mary fell into the pool and broke her neck. The following day, the husband won the Loto.

Moral: Be careful what you stick in your garden!

[Tresco]

[Miki]

 Oh, and the tasteless ironing-board when I iron outside (and no, Miki, "tasteless" does not mean that I lick my ironing board).

No I should imagine it might be quite tasty to do so and why not, it is a private matter and between you and your conscience

Now can I be accused of tastelessness (sp ? or is it even a word !) for one reason or another, we were given a farting gnome by near neighbours (off the passing truck, naturally) which makes the noise when someone passes by. Now out of voisinery obligation, I set it up by the steps, OK after a while the noise got a bit much and the battery run low. Now my quandary is :

1. Should I get new batteries

2. Hide it and say it got stolen

3.Sitick it in the boot of the next car that leaves here

And don't forget, the couple that bought it are not rich people and thought possibly it was just an everyday gnome but my gut feeling is the sods knew it did extras.

 

[Dave&Olive]

did they have any white doves someone has nicked ours

         Dave

[Turnip]

Is it a peculiarly British phenomenon, the incidence of garden gnome theft, or are they (garden gnomes) also stolen from French gardens?

[Dave&Olive]

this was in France from our upstairs out side window ledge

 Dave

[Dick Smith]

There is a house outside of Vire which has a garden full of replicas of the world's great buildings, the Eiffel Tower, Taj Mahal etc. And on the road from Mortain to St Hilaire there used to be a single gnome, standing on a gatepost looking at the traffic. It disappeared about six months ago, so perhaps the thieves are branching out.

[Lesbatees]

[quote]Is it a peculiarly British phenomenon, the incidence of garden gnome theft, or are they (garden gnomes) also stolen from French gardens?[/quote]

I get the impression that the garden gnome-napping trend over here was inspired by the bit in the film "Amelie" where she nicks her Dad's garden gnome and sends him off on a round the world jaunt.

In the UK it seems to be mainly a Rag Week thing. The weirdest one I've ever come across was when I lived in Hatfield. A group of students from the Poly nicked the Comet replica from outside the Comet hotel and held it to ransom for charity.

The glow in the dark Virgin Mary sounds absolutely surreal!! Love it.

Val

[Teamedup]

Battypuss you made me think of Only Fools and Horses when they painted their mother's grave, there was an angel I think that was done in night glo paint.

 

I know of a few gardens around here with gnomes in them. And very tasteless they are too.

[benson]

My mum who lives in UK hasn't had any of her garden ornaments pinched but twice when returning home after visiting us here in France she has found new additions a gnome and  a turtle!!!!???

[Duckalaronze]

tasteless definitely seems to win over authenticity - our immediate neighbour had a genuine full size ancient cartwheel which we managed to scrounge from her (actually, she begged us to take it away) - she has two mock cart wheels to hang her geraniums from. Her son-in-law across the road has a wolf-whistling gnome (of which he is suitably proud), a plastic stork, and not two, but four fake cartwheels. And in the next hameau there is a giant snail which glows in the dark owned by the chef de chambre de metiers! Some of the French have taste though - we got a very nice cast iron horse's head as a wedding present from a local foreigner (he's from the champagne region)

Gill & Alan