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Let's see how long we can keep this thread going!


oliveau
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"Il est votre fils Monsieur le Maire, vos yeux vous échouent ?"

Staggering backwards clutching his chest, the Maire feared for his life, but then realised his ribs had been pressing against the window catch whilst leaning out. He turned  to Monsieur Rene Artois, the proprietor of the auberge, and said,".......... 

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.......'Never mind about closed on Monday' fumed Yvette Camembert, still desperate to get her chimney swept; The Anglais was a waste of time with his frigid interfering wife. Yvette knew what she was going to do next, so.................
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.......frantically searching for his kitchen assistant's undies that he threw in there in panic a few minutes earlier when his wife had walked into the kitchen. Yvette realised she had stumbled on something that ought not to go on in kitchen's. 

So, when she saw the young assistant re-emerging from the walk-in chiller, obviously cold, she hatched a cunning plan.......... 

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...realised with frustration that here was the man she had been seeking, but because of the size of his bum, he would inevitably burn it on the light bulb while he was sweeping her chimney. There could only be one answer;.......
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.......she would have to think of a way of doing the job herself.

So, after two bottles of pink wine, she came up with the following plan. She would capture her neighbour's moggy and train it to climb the inside of her ample chimney. Then, once it was proficient at this, she would remove the fan from her battery driven personal cooler, replace it with a revolving brush, attach it to the moggy and send it up the chimney. Its speed would be regulated by dangling a kipper on a rope through the top. The rope would go over the roof and back in through the kitchen window where she could control the rise and fall of the smelly fish.

However, she had overlooked one thing........

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...chimney sweep.

Whilst she was doing this, her old friend Nicola Fartoocosi stopped by and asked her what she was doing.

"Well, I was looking for a chimney sweep," she explained and went on to tell her about her 'now dismissed' stupid plan to use her neighbour's moggy.

"That is not stupid," said Nicola, "that is a brilliant idea." So, together they set about cooking the kipper to what they believed would be the moggy's liking and then, having lured it into the kitchen by making miaow and chootchee noises, they attached the equipment to a very puzzled looking cat.

But just as they were about to launch it up the chimney for the first brushing, a gendarme car skidded to a halt in the courtyard..................

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....told Ken to clear off back to where he had come from.

But interestingly, it had only been the arrival of the gendarmes and K.L. that had caused the Maire to come out of hiding from the cave across the courtyard. Everybody present was surprised to see him - except for one person and, with a guilty look and a very red face, she said...............

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...any woman under the age of 85.

He bade farewell to K.L. and the gendarmes, who left the courtyard skidding the wheels in the same way they had entered.

The Maire then turned to the two women, smiled seductively, tweaking his moustache as he did so, and said....... 

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But Yvette was not a woman to be trifled with...

Sexy

and she was more than capable of dealing with the Maire's advances. She moved close to him and whispered in his ear exactly what she would do to him when they were alone.

He was shocked and suddenly lost for words...

 French

Then, quite out of the blue,.................

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...Mlle Lafarge called out to him from the Presbytery, 'Coo-ee! M Maire, I 'ave something 'ere for you zat is 'ot and fragrant, and just for you!' Leaving Yvette standing there open-mouthed in surprise he.............

 

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