One for ReferenDUMMIES

[cajal]

Q: "Why have David Cameron and George Osborne been taking lots of ventriloquist lessons recently?"

A: "So that every day between now and 23rd June they can present a series of different Dummies mouthing their words"

Overheard at a recent brain-storming session to select future Dummies, chaired by Script-Writer-in-Chief, Lord Crosby:

How about using respected men from MI5, MI6, and all the numbers up to M99 to be the Dummies?

-

We've tried that. Unfortunately the one's we've used were all

pensioned off some years ago and tend to get corrected by the bloke

doing the job today.

How about more World Organisations and Financial BigWig Dummies?

- Could be. There's no shortage of them queueing up to present whatever numbers we want them to.

- Problem is our Dummies don't have enough fingers to make the numbers add up

Then how about respected Tory Grandee Dummies from Yesteryear?

- Yeah, like Major and Heseltine.

- We've tried it. People don't trust 'em any more

- Pity that people have such long memories

Then how about using world leaders like Obama, Hollande, and Lagarde, they'd make great Dummies?

- We've already had 'em.

- Ah well, pity that people have such short memories.

Then how about Mrs Merkel reprising Roosevelt's 1930's "fear" speech.

- That's an idea! I can just hear it now ….

- "Zee only zing ve haf to fear is Project Fear itselft"

- Gotta do something about the accent though.

- Mmmm, perhaps we can get Helen Mirren to overdub it

- An overdubbed Dummy? - that might work.

How about the Queen? She'd make a right royal Dummy.

- Well, we did try her out on a Dummy run at the Opening of Parliament this week without her knowing.

- Unfortunately we had nothing worth saying so it was a bit of a yawn.

Maybe we could approach the Pope …. ?

- No, as a previous great spin doctor once said: "We don't do religion"

- That don't count - he was from the other lot, not us.

- Better steer clear though.

How's this for a storming idea?

- We get Simon Cowell to do a special edition of the Dummy Factor!

- Yeah! We could even do a Celebrity Dummy Factor.

- There's plenty of Left Wing Luvvie Dummies who'd do it

- With peerages all round for all the Dummy contestants!

Right let's go for it.

Anyone want more coffee?

No thanks - I'd prefer a Gottle of Geer

[Rabbie]

Your standard seems to be slipping. Your bar is getting so low you must be into limbo dancing