The Riff-Raff Element Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I confess to an unaccountable melancholy this morning, despite it beinga beautiful day and one on which I have no actual work to do. This isunusual for me as I am usually as cheerful as the day is long (so about11 hours 43 minutes at this time of year). Maybe it is the harbingers of winter that are getting to me, or perhapsit is the sure and certain knowledge that, comme d'habitude, NorwichCity will achieve absolutely nothing yet again this season, or possiblythe discovery that the pointless, stupid, walking flea-hotel thatpasses for a dog in this household has once again eaten my slipper. Ijust can't put my finger on it. I couldn't even get enthusiastic aboutthis story from the BBC that illustrates just how low standards ofjournalism and writing have slumped at that august institution.Anyway, does anyone have any cheerful snippets of news to impart?Perhaps you were able to rescue a kitten from a tree, or you found €5in the street and bought a stranger a cup of coffee with it (one of myfavourite pastimes - terrifies the living daylights out of some people,particularly if you stain your teeth red and grin incessantly at them).Anything really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
julia Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I had crumpet for breakfast [img]http://bestsmileys.com/cheering/7.gif[/img] Not that kind you naughty boy, the one where you put butter on to soak in and then some to sink your teeth into! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patmobile Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Yesterday I only lost one golf ball, ...and found two better balls while looking for it.Patrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renaud Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 Try this one from the Popbitch website: President Bush gets out of his helicopterin front of the White House carrying a babypig under each arm. The Marine guard snaps to attention,salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir." Bush replies: "These are not pigs, theseare Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one forSecretary of State Rice, and I got onefor Defence Secretary Rumsfeld." The Marine again snaps to attention,salutes, and says, "Nice trade, sir." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonzjob Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 If that one didn't work Jon, try this....DRUNK PEOPLE A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,Standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push."Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the Morning!"He slams the door and returns to bed."Who was that?" asked his wife."Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers."Did you help him?" she asks."No, I did not! It's 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring Out there!"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you Remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into thepounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you stillthere?"Yes" comes back the answer.Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.Yes, Please!" comes the reply from the dark.Where are you?" asks the husband."Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deimos Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deimos Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening... Self-raising?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deimos Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I had a pain au chocolat this morning, delicious, far better than a sausage for breakfast... The Lord and the Biker A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pads Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I have just finished work for 4 days , I love finishing on monday morning when everyone else is starting their week , and then i got home there was an email from my hubby just saying I LOVE YOU XX . It has certainly made my dayWhy not try going back to bed and see if you wake up on the right side later[8-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 I found a fiver in my pocket this morning when I was out walking the dog............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pads Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 dont know if yo will be able to see this but here goes a happy dog picture taken on the beach this morning[IMG]http://i77.photobucket.com/albums/j44/pads_01/IMG_1907.jpg[/IMG] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 It was so dark on the beach, I ran the wrong way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted October 16, 2006 Share Posted October 16, 2006 http://www.completefrance.com/cs/forums/772511/ShowPost.aspx Have a read of that! it should cheer you up! If not ...oh dear....dear ... you are a hard one to please!....[Www] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWINKLE Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I can't find the original article but this news snippet made me laugh for a week!In a Romanian circus a dwarf was performing his jumping act on a trampoline. He lost his footing and shot off to the side right into the yawning mouth of a hippopotamus. The hippo swallowed him whole!What made me scream out loud was that the crowd were applauding wildly thinking that it was all part of the act!!! How are you feeling to-day jond? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beryl Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 This cheered me up this morning, the whole beach to myself ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Hi everyone,Jon, you could be me. I cannot take anymore of my job. Stuck in shifting paper with trivial, fussy, serious people who talk a load of rubbish like. "Hey, guess what I did last night. I emptied my bin when it was only half full""OMG what are YOU LIKE"??????"Am I mad or what"????Help. I am stuck in a hole and wilting. I have never worked in a place like this before. It was funny at first. I feel like that guy on the red dwarf. There is only so much ignoring people you can do without appearing rude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tresco Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 [quote user="Just Katie "]There is only so much ignoring people you can do without appearing rude.[/quote]Did someone say something??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 [quote user="Just Katie "] ....... Stuck in shifting paper with trivial, fussy, serious people who talk a load of rubbish like. "Hey, guess what I did last night. I emptied my bin when it was only half full""OMG what are YOU LIKE"??????"Am I mad or what"???? [/quote] Oh Dear Katie!.... You should be here!... My colleague just across from my desk discovered she was pregnant 6 to 8 weeks ago...Though the baby is not due until next May! she is already quizzing me (being the oldest [8-)] so I supposed the more matronely lady in this section of the office) on maternity clothes, maternity leave from work, the birth, breast feeding etc... buying baby stuff galore.... and really it is nice that she is finding joy with it but ME!! It's 21 years since the last one and I REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW anymore!!! My other colleagues are all talking about Xfactor and which pubs they'll go to next Friday to get trashed!!! and those that have kids are wondering if their parents would look after the kiddies for that one more time exceptional occasion ......... since last Friday...... I just want TO GO HOME! [:'(][:'(]! I think Twinks 'Cosmic Trigger' is having a momentary bleep!.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Riff-Raff Element Posted October 17, 2006 Author Share Posted October 17, 2006 Dear Katie,I'm afraid that I could never take succour from the unhappiness ofothers, so I hope very much that your day was improved in some way andthat you have escaped your hole. With people like that I find imaginingmyself flailing them about the head and body with a big, dead fishquite theraputic. My mood was not helped yesterday by a letter from theURSSAF regarding the "régularisation" of my payments for the past twoyears that seems to entail my paying them €3000 toute-bleedin'-suite.Still, shite happens, life goes on and I am in a much better mood today.I thank you all for your contributions in cheering me up and I hope that I can do the same for you sometime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonzjob Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 You may not be able to take succour from others misfortunes Jon, but this may just give you a laugh. Nearly the same initials as yours up there too.http://www.spaceref.com/news/viewsr.html?pid=20396It didn't half make me laugh!!?? And I'm willing to bet that Chris H would have enjoyed that job?I'm glad that you feel better today!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWINKLE Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 [quote user="missyesbut"][My other colleagues are all talking about Xfactor and which pubs they'll go to next Friday to get trashed!!! [/quote]Is there a job going in your office for Katie? She'd love it there!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pads Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Beryl that looks like a nice beach , where is it?/ It s loverly having the beach to your self isnt it , i walk my dogs on our local beach at 6.30am so i dont meet to many other people normally.Katie been in that job too many times my self , I use to spend my time dreaming of the day i would live in cornwall and have a house in france, it seemed a long time away then , but Oh look here i am .............I could spend the whole 8 hour day dreaming like that . so remenber dreams do come true and one day you will be where you want to be , and they will still be there in there dreamless lives . that should be enough to make you smile at work tomorrow . Just keep dreaming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missy Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 [quote user="TWINKLE"] [quote user="missyesbut"] My other colleagues are all talking about Xfactor and which pubs they'll go to next Friday to get trashed!!! [/quote] Is there a job going in your office for Katie? She'd love it there!!! [/quote] I don't think she would want to move from South Wales up to Mid Wales... There is more life and places to get trashed down there than up here!.. She's got Swansea, Cardiff (bladdy lorverly when rugby is on!), Newport, Merthyr.... she's really spoilt for choice down there...a pub every 10 yards! Here there's a pub every 10 miles which makes it hard for a proper pub crawl night... well.... a few sheep in between but that would be more for Chris's enjoyment than the us the girls!....[Www] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 Missey, I would love that job. Avin a larf wiv da yungstaz and scaring the pregnant lady witless if she ignored my aversion to talking about womens bits in public. That would learn her.There is a conversation going on across the room with the anoraks."Ooooh I had a terrible night last night, I went shopping and got locked out of my car!" (In a squeaky rising loud welsh irritating accent)."And guess what? It didnt end there.........................I had a bought a bottle of wine and did not have a bag" (because she is a tree hugger)."Well...........if you saw the looks from passers by. Can you imagine it? Me standing outside a car holding a bottle of wine?"I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS ALL DAY. THEY ARE HOLDING ME PRISONER IN THE OFFICE. HELP.Then it went on as another one tried to out do her on the "madness" aspect."Well I got up this morning and the council had put all orange stickers over my rubbish because I put paper in the tins bin!!!""OMG What ARE you like" replied the one with the wine dilemma."Ahhhhh", they both said together then got stuck into their work.I cannot wait for the christmas party. Or shall I stay at home and stamp on leggo. Ummm ip dip! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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