Jump to content

Really Worrying News


Dick Smith
 Share

Recommended Posts

Apparently the earth is wide open to an alien attack. A former government advisor has blown the whistle - the X-files have been closed down and we are now helpless in the face of extraterrestrial onslaughts.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/10112006/140/earth-wide-open-alien-attack.html

This is disgraceful. I want to see a commitment from Gordon Brown that when he becomes Prime Minister he will ensure that we are fully protected from BEMs and LGMs. And there's a mob round Sirius that I don't trust a bit.

(And a prize to the first person (probably Cassis) who gets a Uranus joke in).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="Dick Smith"]Apparently the earth is wide open to an alien attack. A former government advisor has blown the whistle - the X-files have been closed down and we are now helpless in the face of extraterrestrial onslaughts.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/10112006/140/earth-wide-open-alien-attack.html


This is disgraceful. I want to see a commitment from Gordon Brown that when he becomes Prime Minister he will ensure that we are fully protected from BEMs and LGMs. And there's a mob round Sirius that I don't trust a bit.

(And a prize to the first person (probably Cassis) who gets a Uranus joke in).
[/quote]

hisanus or uranus, or myanus

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="Gastines"]

I think some squaddie already got that joke in,with a rocket!!! Obviously where his brains are kept.

Regards. 5 mins St.Malo www.ourinns.com

[/quote]

Does anyone want me to post pics of an American lad trying to set a rocket off from between his nether cheeks? And the results? It's quite funny to look at..........until you see the last shot with a picture of the burn he received[:(]

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alian attack Dick, I don't believe it. Although hang on a min, have you seen your prime ministers eyes. They are not of this planet I'm sure. And there's a definatly dodgy look about that bloke across the puddle in the great and wonderful U.S. of A.?

Perhapse they are already here[I]?

As for the clowns with the rockets. If they stick a rocket up their fesses then they deserve all they get and they should also get the bill for the treatment! And there I am being serious!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A milk bottle! I'll bet that stung a bit when you sat down!!!!!!? Oh sorry Dick, got the wrong end of the stick again. You meen you stuck the wrocket in the milk bottle, not?

I once put a lit 'Jet-ex' pellet in a milk bottle and pressed a bit of lino on the top. It didn't 'arf make a bang. I was luck not to get cut, but I was only about 10 at the time and there's nnnnnnnnnnufffin rong wiv me nooow?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was a kid (about 2 weeks ago) I used to make little Plasticine astronauts and put them into milk bottles and throw them at my wall (my father gave me a wall for my birthday a few years after he gave me the stuffed horse) and then I'd go through the broken glass to see how badly mutilated the astronauts were...

We also tied a couple to rockets, but we never found them again. I always had a plan for a rocket-powered model railway, but practicalities intervened, especially after I tried to add weight to a Kitmaster model locomotive by pouring molten lead into the tender. The plastic tender. Over the kitchen stove. Railways were a bit banned for a while.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OK, I give in? Why a wall and a stuffed horse for birthdaze? Quite bizzare!

If he don't get the formular right for the fuel we will probably hear it as apposed to about it? There are some incredible people about.

Talking of Jetex engines, I just read this in the Darwin Awards. If you haven't seen the site it is a MUST. Just look at www.darwinawards.com to see how some people are dying to show how it's done. with the enphasis on dying!!!

The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The stuffed horse was first. I was five, and a man in the pub (there's always a man in the pub) asked my father if he would like to buy this stuffed pony, which had been used as a photographer's prop. Seemed like a good idea, so he bought it for me. I can still remember seeing my old man (and everyone from the pub) pushing this horse, which was on wheels, towards the house along the middle of the road. It was the first (but not the last) time I heard my mother swear. We kept it in the garden (not a lot of room in the house) and it came apart in a couple of years. I had a hoof for some time but now I've just got one of the eyes, and I can't find that.

The wall is more logical. I had a patch of garden all to myself and alongside it was a brick wall, about four or five feet tall (I was about eight by then) which had been part of an air-raid shelter. I loved the wall as it made a wonderful playspace, and I had hacked out the pointing and some of the bricks to make an underground moon base for my toy astronauts. The old man was going to knock it down, but after a bit of tantrum diplomacy he declared it to be my wall in perpetuity.

Later on he had an industrial accident and we were evicted, so someone else got the moonbase, broken glass and burned out Airfix kits.

The Kitmaster story is true as well...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had to LOL at the Kitmaster story. A friend, (who is now a chemistry teacher!) and I, once melted broken Dinky toys on his open fire, in a tin can, and poured the resulting molten Zinc(????) into a mould laboriously chipped from a brick.

Later, we wanted a bigger mould, and being lazy, couldn't be bothered with the brick so we used a "Ponds'" cold cream jar we BELIEVED to be pottery.

It was glass. When it exploded, we were actually crouched over it wondering why it kept making little chinking noises[:D]

It covered the room in shards of glass and molten zinc, setting fire to his mum's knitting, (she was doing it at the time), the carpet, some wallpaper and burning (slightly) his sausage dog[:'(] Neither mate, nor myself received even a cut, let alone a burn!

His mum firstly took the doglead to us, then banned us from playing in his house for two weeks. We were 13.

BTW: how do you post pics?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At a similar age my best friend and I fashioned a rudimentary firearm from a steel tube, a block of wood and firework gunpowder, using his dad's workshop.  It was fired using a taper, like an old fashioned musket.  We managed to embed several 6-inch nails into a tree in the cemetary before the gun exploded, shattering the wooden stock and blowing the pipe apart.

Have you noticed that most girls don't have stories like this? I expect Coops does, though.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="Jonzjob"]

Talking of Jetex engines, I just read this in the Darwin Awards. If you haven't seen the site it is a MUST. Just look at www.darwinawards.com to see how some people are dying to show how it's done. with the enphasis on dying!!!

The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-S H I T."

[/quote]

Ah Jonzjob, if only it were true, but it's an urban legend that's been doing the rounds for years.

http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was about 13, my father, who worked for a local pharmacist, brought home a very early steel-clad hearing aid battery for me to look at. However, getting bored with homework, and mum and dad asleep by the fire, I threw it into the fire, to see what would happen. I swear to this day that the resulting explosion, apart from spreading the fire all over the room (holes in furniture, carpets, floorboards) caused my father - all 20 stone of him - to levitate at least two feet in the air before he stood up and dealt with the redhot embers and myself.

About the same age I tried to build an acetylene lamp: Zube tin with hole in lid, short length of glass tube drawn to form jet and sealed into lid with chewed blotting paper, calcium carbide and water in tin, and light resulting gas. All went well until the reaction died down, the flame went back down the tube, and the explosion sprayed my mother's newly decorated kitchen ceiling with a black mess!

And I survived to adulthood!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was listening to the radio this morning - apparently 'the EU' is banning the mercury barometer because of the dangers posed by mercury in the environment.

When I was at school we used to nick it to play with and run it around on our skin. When I was a lab-tech lad I used to make pretend thermometers by inducing mercury up a capillary glass tube, and then sealing the end in a Bunsen flame. I only got the vapour a couple of times, and yes, you do feel as mad as a hatter. I also had the job of using a circular saw to cut up sheets of asbestos to stand bunsens on. No masks of course.

I'm still here! The kid at school who specialised in explosives is still alive and the singe marks have grown out - it's all part of the fun of growing up!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Take a key with a hollow shaft, scrape the heads off as many Swan vesta matches as it takes to fill the shaft of the key, seal the end nice and tight, take one large tin of boot polish (preferably black) and light the polish , which will burn very slowly, place the key device over the burning wax and walk away. You should have 10 -15 before the device goes off  by which time you should have had enough time to have bought your mates a couple of pints thereby creating a pretty good alibi!

The reulting mess of melted boot polish spread over the room of somebody who p***ed me off still makes me laugh! By the way the detonation snuffs out the wax flame at the same time......erm don't try it at home kids!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

[quote user="Cassis"]Do I appear to have a bottom fixation?


[/quote]

Why? I suppose someone has got to ask???

Part of my trade in the R.A.F. was aircraft instruments. Not the navigational type but things like the altimeter. To test them in the bay (workshop) we used mercury manometers. I found out, the hard way, that an altimeter would hold a full pound of mercury! You can't get the bruddy stuff back either without breaking the insturment. Not popular. 

BUT not as unpopular as the bloke that put a murcury manometer onto a Britannia at R.A.F. Lynehan without telling anyone what was in the box. The mercury spilled out in the freight bay and finished up in the belly of the aircraft. Not a problem you may think, but mercury is VERY corrosive towards aluminium and the corrosion forms 'flowers of mercury' which is just as corrosive. The outcome was that the Britannia was a write off because they could not find the extent of the corrosion and it would have had to be reskinned completely on the underside of the aircraft!!! I think that the bloke had a telling off for that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...