Just a Joke

[Bugsy]

CHINESE CRACKER

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the
"Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a
lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot
rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking
around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't,
so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again
the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before
it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is
happening, and demands an explanation. "Please," says the waiter,
"what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

Ah... sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"   

[Pierre ZFP]

Waiter! this chicken is rubbery!!

Ah, fank you very much ........

[Suninfrance]

After every flight, Quantas' pilots fill out a form,
>>called a "gripe sheet," which  tells mechanics about
>>problems with the  aircraft. The mechanics correct the
>>problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
>>pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

>>  Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense
>>of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints
>>submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
>>solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
>>engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major
>>airline that has never had an accident.
>>
>>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>>
>>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>
>>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>
>>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
>>per minute descent.
>>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>S: Evidence removed.
>>
>>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>S: That's what friction locks are for.
>>
>>P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
>>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>S: Suspect you're right.
>>
>>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>>P: Aircraft handles funny.
>>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
>>serious.
>>
>>P: Target radar hums.
>>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>
>>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>>S: Cat installed.
>>
>>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds
>>like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
>>S: Took hammer away from midget.
>

[Dick Smith]

Well, if we are digging out the old jokes:

 "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

 "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

 "What sort of trouble?"

 "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

 "Went away?"

 "They disappeared."

 "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

 "Nothing."

 "Nothing?"

 "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

 "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

 "How do I tell?"

 "Can you see the C:\prompt on the screen?"

 "What's a sea-prompt?"

 "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

 "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

 "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

 "What's a monitor?"

 "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

 "I don't know."

 "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

 "Yes, I think so."

 "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

 "Yes, it is."

 "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

 "No."

 "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

 "Okay, here it is."

 "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely in to the back of your computer."

 "I can't reach."

 "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

 "No."

 "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

 "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

 "Dark?"

 "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

 "Well, turn on the office light then."

 "I can't."

 "No? Why not?"

 "Because there's a power outage."

 "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do you  still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

 "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

 "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.  Then take it back to the store you bought  it from."

 "Really? Is it that bad?"

 "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

 "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

 "Tell them, you are too stupid to own a computer".

[Dick Smith]

This one did the rounds a few years ago, but it's still funny:

Mary Louise Gilman, editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected
many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor in the
Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court, published a few months ago. From
Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here are some transquips:
 
 
Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first
name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing
to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
 --------
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
 --------
Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A. By death.
Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
 --------
Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
 --------
Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marital status?
A. Fair.
 --------
Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
 --------
Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
A. My ex-widow said it.
 --------
Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney,
and said he was really good.
 --------
Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?
 --------
Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many times have you comitted suicide?
A. Four times.
 --------
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
 --------
Q. Were you aquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?
 --------
Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words.
 --------
Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.
 --------
Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
 --------
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present 
information
and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
 --------
Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.
 --------
Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able,
for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also,
would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
 --------
Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do
you go to?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you?
A. Oral.
 --------
Q. What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A. She is my daughter.
Q. Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
 --------
Q. Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a
victim?
 --------
Q. ...and what did he do then?
A. He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q. So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
 --------
Q. Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A. He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.
 --------
Q. So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe
with respect to your scalp?
A. I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q. It was covered?
A. Yes, bandaged.
Q. Then, later on.. what did you see?
A. I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top
of my head.
 --------
Q. Could you see him from where you were standing?
A. I could see his head.
Q. And where was his head?
A. Just above his shoulders.
 --------
Q. What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this 
defendant?
A. Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch - and
she did!
 --------
Q. Do you drink when you're on duty?
A. I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
 --------
Q. ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial
instead of an attempted murder trial?
A. The victim lived.
 --------
Q. Are you sexually active?
A. No, I just lie there.
 --------
Q. Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A. Yes, I have been since early childhood.
 --------
Q. The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective
witness,
isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas?
A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
 --------
Q. What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A. It indicates intercourse.
Q. Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
 --------
Q. (Showing man picture.) That's you?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. And you were present when the picture was taken, right?
 --------
Q. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

[Dick Smith]

ISU RESEARCHERS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT
 
AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight
of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that
involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
 
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can
be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into
contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium
caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction
time is less than one second.
 
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at
which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice
neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that the atomic mass usually
increases after each reorganization.
 
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points,
such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is
always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
 
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it
is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but
results to date are not promising.

[Valleyboy]

I'll probably get taken out and shot for this (I'm only joking, honest) but but does this not have an isotope known here as Moderatorium?

[Dick Smith]

[:D]!

[Bugsy]

Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching The six oclock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below. Posh turns to Becks and says:
"David, I bet you £ 5,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham replies £5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't" So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching. Sure enough, the Man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud. Beckham takes £5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh. But she refuses. "I can't take your money, David," she says."The truth is, I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew He was going to jump."
"No, babes, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and square I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. I just didn t think he would do it again." [8-)]

[Jeanneclaire]

Why is this funny?

[Bugsy]

Well, it's a very tall bridge...........................[8-)]

Try these........................................

The Real Madrid players are in the dressing room on Saturday, just before the game, when Zidane walks in. "Boss," he says, "there's a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection." "Hey," says Becks."If he's having a new car, so am I."

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks. "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David. "And what have you got in it?" asks the lads. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies David.

[Jeanneclaire]

Why don't you replace "David Beckham" by "an Irishman", then they would be really funny.

[Bugsy]

Oh dear, and here's me thinking that you really didn't understand. Bit of a Beckham fan perhaps ?

[Teamedup]

Bugbear, my husband loves that joke, french friends seem to think it is funny too when he tells them. DB may be beau, but obviously has a certain lacune that translates, even when folk do not understand him.

[Dago]

I went into Specsavers in Toulouse yesterday and you'll never guess who I bumped into?

[Bugsy]

A pr*t with a bike..........................................[:D][:D][:D]

[Dago]

Sorry Gary...knew you would take it as intended[:D][:D][:D] and anyway it was you that said it....

best regards

[IMG]http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g130/dago49/Dago3.jpg[/IMG]

[Bugsy]

[:D][:D][:D]

[Bugsy]

An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees.

The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over,as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a group of young women skinny-dipping in his dam.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked...."

 

 

 

 

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."   

[Bugsy]

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.. There was a sign on the cage that said €50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

"New house, new madam."

 The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,

"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,



"Hi, Keith!"

[Weedon]

The new  head of the Congressional Defence Committee
was asked whether he knew the difference between Sunni and Shia.

He replied " I'm not sure which one's which, but I remember they had a
great hit with ' I've Got You Babe' ".

[powerdesal]

Sent by an American friend:-

THREE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:

1. COWS,

2. THE CONSTITUTION, and

3. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government

can

track a single mad cow born in Canada three or four years ago, right to

the

stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her

calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal

aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a

cow.

THE CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we

just

give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has

worked

for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a

courthouse or legislature building is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt

Not

Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a

building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile

work

environment.

[AnOther]

A young couple are talking and the wife says "darling, if I died would you remarry"

"I don't know" the husband replies "I suppose I might because I wouldn't like to be alone"

"Would you give your new wife my clothes" she asks

"Well I guess so, it would seem a waste otherwise" he replies.

"Would you give her my car as well"

"Why not, she would need one" he replies. 

"Would you sleep in our bed"

"Yes, it's very comfortable and we would need one"

"Would you give her my golf clubs" she asks

"Oh no" he replies "shes left handed".............."Oh S**T"

 

 

[AnOther]

Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog's collar and twists it, breaking the dog's neck.

A newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes,

"Manchester City fan saves friend from vicious animal."

The boy interrupts: "But I'm not a City fan."

The reporter starts again: "Manchester United fan saves friend from horrific attack."

The boy interrupts again: "I'm not a United fan either."

"Who do you support then?" the reporter asks.

"Liverpool", replies the boy.

So the reporter starts again and writes:

"Scouse b*s*a*d kills family pet"

 

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"Martha
replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
house by noon!

 

Three guys are applying for a job with the CIA. They get all the way to the final test.

The first guy walks into the director's office and sits down. The director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. He lays it on his desk in front of the guy.and tells him,

"This test is to test your loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go into the first room on your right. Your wife will be in there. Put a bullet in her head."

The guy looks at him and says, "No way."

The director says, "You fail, next.

"The next guy comes in. The director tells him the same thing. Guy picks up the gun and heads for the room. Comes back about 15 minutes later. Tells the director that he just couldn't go through with it.

The director says "You fail, next"

The third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the room. The director hears 3 shots, followed by the sound of a massive ruckus (glass breaking, furniture getting smashed etc. etc.). Guy comes back in scratched and bleeding and with this clothes torn up.

The director says "What on earth happened to you?"

The Guy replies, "After three shots I realized that there were blanks in the gun so I had to choke the bitch to death."

 

[AnOther]

I'm on a roll................!

 

Confuscious say:

Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Man who pee on electric fence, receive shocking news.
He who crosses ocean twice without washing is dirty double crosser.
Man who have head up ass, have crap*y outlook on life.
Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Man who sucks nip*les make clean breast of things.
Baby conceived in back seat of automatic car grow up to be shiftless ba*tard.
Man who have hand in pockets not crazy, just feeling nuts.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who sit on tack get point.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Find blind man on nude beach, not hard.
Girl who sit on lap of judge get honorable discharge.
Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.
Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change.
Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.
Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
Woman who spends much time on bedspring, may have offspring.
Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Man who make love to exhaust pipe of car have hot rod.
Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
A bird in hand makes it hard to blow nose.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who sneezes without handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
Sailor who get discharged from navy leave buddies behind.
Girl who sit on lap of jockey get hot tip.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money..
Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Wife who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent..
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
Baseball wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Better to be pi**ed off than pi**ed on.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with smelly finger.
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who stand on toilet, must be high on pot.
Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
Man who sleep on railroad tracks wake up with split personality.
Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have crap*y time.
Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
Support bacteria, it may be the only culture some people have.
Virgin like balloon: one pric*k, all gone.
Procrastination like masturbation, only screw self.
Man who shoot off mouth, bound to lose face.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
People who make Confucius joke speak bad English.

 

Allegedly the following are supposed to be replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted so if you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. I can tell you that he drives a BMW and was very annoyed by the hole my stiletto made in his roof lining. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it repaired.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fa*t.