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Blonde Jokes...sorry it had to be done!


Dave
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A blind guy goes into a pub and steps up to the bar; he

orders a drink then says, “does anyone here want hear a blonde joke?”

From behind the bar a female voice informs him “mister, the

person sitting to your right is blonde and is the World Women’s Champion at

Judo and weighs in at 18 stone and the person sitting to your left is also

blonde and is the World Women’s Full Contact Karate Champion, behind you are ‘The

Blond Bombers’ they are the national Tag Wrestling team champions for 3 years

in a row with a combined weight of 40 stone, I am also blonde and I am also the

Women’s National Heavyweight Boxing Champion…now ask yourself, do you really

want to tell a blonde joke?”

 

The man thinks for a

moment and then says “ nah…not if I’ve got to explain it 5 times……..”[:D][;-)]

"to all those that I have offended may I just say [:P]"

best regards

Dago

Peace & Love

Do you think I put in enough smilies?

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A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more pain. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?
“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”
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And now one for the ladies!!!  [:D]

 

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna… again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.

She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife.

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

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Question: How many t's are there in Indiana Jones?

Redhead "None"

Brunette "None"

Blonde "Umm...4.....8....umm...16...32!"

"How on earth did you come to that conclusion?"

Blonde "Ta ta ta taaa ta ta taaa, ta ta ta taaa ta ta ta ta taaa, ta ta ta taaa, ta ta  taaa ta ta taa ta ta taa ta ta taaa!"

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  • 2 years later...
[quote user="ali-cat"]

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife.

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

[/quote]

I don't know whether he was blond, but I do recall a couple of colleagues who had had to meet a supplier on site. Lunchtime came, and the guy opened his lunchbox, only to say "Not spam again!" My colleagues offered the obvious solution - asking 'er indoors to vary the fare a bit. "Oh no," he said "I make them myself!"

My colleagues were giggling about this all afternoon when they got back to the office!

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The Bet

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead £50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the £50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

 

 

(I know that the smeling is correkt 'cause I never make mastikes...)

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An anover won!

Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

[quote user="teapot"]If you look up whilst you are typing you will be able to spell blonde correctly, of course it will not help you with apple but you could ask a grown up.[:D][/quote]

Sticking keyboard .........no rude comments please!

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  • 4 months later...

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 100 litres of milk.  When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 10 litres. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, 'I found your note asking me to leave 100 litres of milk. Did you mean 10 litres?'

The blonde said, 'I want 100 litres. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.'

The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurised?'

The blonde said, 'No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my face.' 


 

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and was that milkman "Ernie" ?

She said she'd like to bathe in milk
He said alright sweetheart
And when he finished work one night
He loaded up the cart
He said you wanted pasturised
Coz pasturised is best
She says Ernie I'll be happy
If it comes up to me chest
And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

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