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As an aside I do know exactly what you mean about not meeting the MIL until after the event except in my case it was after some 30 years of marriage [:-))]

'er indoors was adopted at an early age and decided to find her birth mother and succeeded. I told her that if she was a dragon I would be off to the divorce court citing cruel and unusual punishment but fortunately she's turned out to be not a bad old stick but her living 100 miles away from us in UK and surrounded by 5 other children there has helped enormously.

Chin up and hugs to Debs - when it's not too painful that it.

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I remember directing a post to Coops once when she was on the phone to her mother.  What she said was she was laughing so hard that it was difficult keeping a "straight face" whilst on the phone!

She was too loyal to say her mother was this awful old trout!  Perhaps Coops will have woken up sufficiently by Tuesday to tell all the doctors and nurses that she bears no responsibility for her mother.

Look on the good side; she might be able to help you with translations and so on and might even be a moral support.

I hope your weekend is not too stressful and we look forward to some good news on Monday.

All the very best.

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Ian, You haven't got to have the MIL staying with you, have you ?. If so I'd ask one of your friends to take her off your hands and accommodate her, just make the excuse she'll be better looked after there......

Other people think my mother is sweet......perhaps other people will find your MIL easier  too.

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[quote user="woolybanana"]it is well known on the site I hope that I hate my MIL with a passion, so, to lighten the load, tell the hospital authorities she is selling drugs to other patients and staff.[/quote]and be sure to plant some on her to ensure the desired outcome [:P]

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[quote user="cooperlola2"]

As a retired physiotherapist, Dorothy believes she understands hospital life, and will make herself a thorough nuisance.

[/quote]

You know, I suspect Deb is going to improve a lot and very fast next week... her motivation will be getting away from her mother. [6]

Your problem might be persuading her ma that she doesn't need to follow Deb home. [:D] Maybe that task will be best left to Deb herself.

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Funny there was a bit on the news this morning about what being British meant to various people and a sense of humour was mentioned more than once.

In these type of situations it is of course a valuable defence mechanism and stress reliever but I wonder if other nations, in context specifically the French, would find themselves able to similarly interject a dollop or two of humour or would it be all wailing and gnashing of teeth ?

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But c2, why on earth did you tell the aged bovine ?

On another tack I take it that the famous phrase "friend of Dorothy" does not refer to this Dorothy ?

Beyond saying keep your pecker up I don't know what to add. I admit to not dealing well with pain, blood, hospitals etc (even at this distance) so will hastily move to a new subject.

John

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The MIL problem is that she will ring here at least once a week to talk to Deb! I can only make excuses for so long! Seriously, though, even on Weds morning, when I elected to tell her, there was an 'orribly big chance that something undetected would get up and bite Deb, and that would be that. I didn't fancy telling the woman that her daughter was dead without prior advice of the accident. She has, after all, already lost the elder daughter a few years back. I have no wish to be a parent - Deb was insistent on that before we married - but I do see that you expect your kids to outlive you.

She is not proposing to come near La Sarthe, will stay in the hospital accom, and probably be gone by Friday. As with many lonely people - divorced many years, and largely ignored by her daughters, each of whom much preferred dad in their adult years - she desperately needs a role in life, and here's a chance for one! She may give Deb a relapse, which will assist the hospital in making her PNG, no doubt!

As for dealing with matters medical - nor do I! I have been known to faint when people talk in detail about such things! Many years ago, an ailing member of my staff sat and talked in glowing detail about how wonderful it was now he had a dialysis machine at home! I struggled to stay upright!

By and large women are better at this sort of thing - all sorts of womanly events make them better atuned to it, perhaps. Deb is not typical, in this respect. The good news, as I found when I broke my left patella a few years back, is that medical events that happen to you are much more palatable, because you like the resulting recovery!

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Ian, is there any chance you could take one or two of your fluent French speaking friends with you on the next trip ? Preferably someone with the wit to make themselves scarce if Deb is awake but also someone able to tell the French staff that Deb and her mother have a 'difficult' relationship and  perhaps to help with any translation regarding her condition. Yes, I know you speak French,but when you are stressed sometimes it is more difficult than usual.

It would also be company on the journey, the return journey particularly.....

Perhaps Deb will be able to be transferred to Le Mans for example, when she improves ?

Sending my best wishes to you both .....

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I've only just read this thread, I hope all goes well tommorrow and maybe she can be transferred to Le Mans soon. The human body can be quite amazing a friend of a freind broke their back earlier this year in more than one place and spent over 3 monthes in hospital, I was amazed as he was telling me as we were strolling around Pezenas without even a limp, you would never have known.
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I rang Rouen today, and found that Deb is still asleep, so I did not bother to drive the 240 mile round-trip! Lazy, or what? The slightly better news is that the medication that had been keeping her under has now been withdrawn, so she will now wake up "naturally" when her body decides it is the right time. I do not anticipate that she will be a barrel of laughs from moment 1, however! Sadly, this may mean the first familiar face she sees will be her mother's, as she's on the night boat from Portsmouth tonight. Deb will immediately conclude that she's died and gone to hell! My only chance is to ring very early tomorrow, and if she's awake, leg-it there vite!

Now, where's my copy of How to Speed in France, by Jean D'Armerie?

Totally supporting the wise words of several on here and elsewhere, a neighbour who I've not previously met happened past last night, and we fell into conversation. I explained about Deb - and he announced that he's a nurse. He said that if the head and spinal chord have survived ok, then  a full recovery is very likely. More cause for optimism!

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Cooperlola2-  excellent news, I'm sure all here will be really happy for you.

Now I am really sorry, but I have to say I can;t understand why you are delaying your going to Rouen. If my OH was in a coma with multiple injuries anywhere in the world, I would go there immediately. She will NEED you when she wakes- and to help with keeping her mother at bay to some extent. I feel she may be very sad, possibly angry, when she realises you delayed your trip. The news are excellent so far, and it is wonderful, but anything can happen with such serious injuries. Drive carefully but please go asap to be there for her. PLEASE don;t see this post as a criticism - just be there for her.

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Deb is not in a coma, has not been in a coma She arrived at hospital conscious. All her sleep has been induced by medicine, for the best of reasons. She is getting the best of care, will be very woozy for some time to come, drifting in and out of sleep. She will be in a lot of pain. She will know I've been there. I can't "fend off" her mother, who will be seen by the staff as a brave little woman who has come all this way. And this is Deb we're talking about!
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I spoke to a friend in France today and was telling her about Deb (she knows of her as we planned to meet up with Deb last year, but in the end it didn't work out) she told me that this drug induced state is a more popular thing in France (compared to else where) and quite *normal* in the circumstances.

Yep - sounds like you'll need to be up at the crack of dawn - what time does the boat dock ? [:)]

We're thinking of you both....

Odile - Deb and Ian have several animals that require care etc - if she wakes to find him there she'll just worry about everything else going to pot... he could have been sat there for nearly a week and would have done no good at all except exhausted himself.....

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[quote user="odile"]

Now I am really sorry, but I have to say I can;t understand why you are delaying your going to Rouen.

[/quote]

At a guess I'd say because they've been married for yonks and he knows his wife. [;-)] And anyway, it's not as if he hasn't already made several visits to check on Sleeping Beauty. [:D] Make the trips when they count (when Deb's awake) would seem the best plan, particularly in view of the distance.

That's good news about the change in medication regime, Ian. It's all progress. Did the weekend problem with Deb's breathing sort itself out?

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I think Odile alludes to a coma , because in France that situation is commonly called  " un coma artificiel", which means induced by the doctors, to help a patient  rest, not be in too much pain, and sometimes avoid the pain of intubation. 

Best wishes to Deb, and courage to you Ian. There are positive signs, and everybody here supports you both.

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Well I did my best to head off MIL. I was in the hospital by 10.45 - no sign of her. I was told that as it was early, I could only have a few minutes with Deb, who was still asleep, but they needed to finish a procedure first. Odile's bedside vigil is not on their agenda! So after waiting a few minutes,  and sitting with Deb for a while, I was out by 11.30. I had warned the nurses of MIL's impending visit, and the dubious reception Deb might give her. I returned at 3, the statutory visit time, but still no MIL. Again I had to wait while they undertook a procedure, but then spent about 30 minutes with sleeping Deb, before, again, I was asked to return to the waiting room, while something else was done. Having waited over an hour, I enquired further, and was immediately allowed back in - the nurse had left, the doctor had come in, and I wasn't part of the handover, so I wasn't recalled. I asked the doctor about the substantial number of procedures being  carried out, and she assured me that this was entirely normal, and Deb was making normal progress. Again, she told me that Deb would wake up when she was ready. She then asked if I would prefer Deb to be moved closer! I was delighted to accept, of course, and we agreed Le Mans is the place, as it almost certainly has Reanimation Chirurgicale facilities. I'm not going to count my chickens on this one, but as it was her idea, it may have little legs, if not actually wings!

Still no MIL when I left at 5, and no messages from her on my phone at home. Very odd.

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Many thanks for the update Ian. very strange about the MIL but great news about move to Le Mans.

As said earlier OH was very heavily sedated in life threatening circs. He was under for about 10 days but once he came round the recovery was miraculously quick. Perhaps the rest of the world should be told about these induced comas.

Best wishes to you both

Jan

PS When he came round first thing he asked for was a ciggie, when this was refused he went under the blankets and wouldn't speak to anyone for hours. Obviously or maybe I should say hopefully drugs played a big part in his behaviour but it was funny.

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