Is it time to quit

[stevecentrefrance]

well what to say , times are hard for me i have been living in the centre of france with my french partner for 7 months now. i sold my house boat in the uk to buy a small house with a wood here . I met my other half in the uk 2 years ago . He has to work all the time as he is a waiter. I feel down and alone most of the time. not a lot has gone right for us since we live in france . Is it time for me to go?? . I feel like just up and going back to the uk but i will have nothing.What to do ?

[Tourangelle]

Seven months can feel like an eternity, but in the general scheme of things it is not that long. You might look back and regret not having stayed longer if you return now. I remember when I arrived, I thought I would never ever find a job. It didn't actually take that long, but it felt like an eternity. Are you looking for work and do you speak French? I think these two things are the key to being happy and integrated in France - as it looks from your profile like you are not at retirement age. Hang on in there.

[1938]

Sorry dont know your circumstances or where you are in France but if you have nothing to come back to thr UK for and your partner is in France , I would say try and stick it out ...if you are lonely try and join in local classes or projects...even a local night school just to meet people, either Franch or English.

Weigh up the pros and cons by writing a list and give each marks out of ten and see if the France or England option comes out best.

If you do this it may help sort out your ideas...all the best.

[Teamedup]

That's right 7 months isn't a long time at all. Summer ofcourse will have fete's and things and if you go along to some of these things, it will be a good way of meeting folks.  All the associations will be finishing their year and there should be associations to join in September we have quite a lot in our village, ranging from the hunters to bikers to yoga. 

1938, we have no night school around here at all, nice to know that somewhere in France it exists.

[Monika]

A small house and a wood and a handsome French man. It all sounds romantic! I would stay and write a book, (even if it is never published, but who knows?) I also would paint and really get to grips with the French language, if you are very good already read French literature. You could also get a dog or a cat (man's best friend). You can be just as lonely in the UK or anywhere, and if you are happy your partner will be happy and your life is bound to be happy too. 

Monika

[Tourangelle]

Just a further thought, (unless you are really proficient in French), then how about offering to exchange conversation class with local people? Put up a notice in the boulangerie or something, it would give you something to do and help you meet new people.

[Deimos]

I tend to find the winters difficult. Both winters I’ve been here in France, whilst I am happy, my thoughts do tend to start to consider other (usually warmer tropical countries) that I should maybe move to. Then the summer comes and those plans get delayed (until maybe next winter when they start being considered again).

Not for me to say really but, is your partner aware of your feeling and thoughts. If not, maybe discuss them and see how he feels, etc.

Everybody’s situation, aims and desires, what they are seeking from life, etc. is different. Moving to any new area can be difficult. When it’s a foreign country, that can be much harder, and it can take longer to settle in. I cannot say “stay” or “go”, only that living here is a great opportunity and it is bound to take a long time to settle in, make friends, etc. so maybe give it time.

[Lori]

I would agree with most everything that has been said here. I would like to note that, for me, during my first year here, going to fetes and other public places where lots of people (with other people) were, made me feel that much more alone. Watching all those folks with other folks to talk to wasn't as great as I had hoped it would be. I still think it is a good idea to go to these places, but don't be surprised if you come away feeling as I did. Don't give up. The key for me was learning to speak better French and making a few friends. Also, having a young child to take care of kept me occupied and also opened doors to meeting other people. Even if you don't have that, the road is still the same. Get out of the house.

Go to the local tourist office, MJC or Mairie to determine what classes are being offered in your area. Just choose one and give it a try. Like others have said, English or French friends, matters not.

I don't believe you mentioned what department you are in. Perhaps there are people here, on the forum, who live near you and can pop in for coffee now and then.

Don't give up. France is a wonderful place and the people so very inviting if you give them a chance. Life is not easy no matter where you hang your hat, but it is also short, so try your best to look at the positives. Often there is little we can do about the negatives, so try to get them out of your head as best you can.

Good luck to you !

[Mutts]

Lots of good advice for you so far. One thing I'd add -  moving back to the UK may not solve your problems, unless the problems are location related, you'll take them with you.

Good luck

 

[Val_2]

You are suffering from what hits most foreigners living in isolated circumstances here - loneliness and too much time on your hands. If you give up now and go back to the UK, what do you have there?,nothing by your own admission and all that you have achieved so far here,gone down the pan with nothing to show for it. So,pull yourself together and get out there and make some new friends and seek out some employment either by an agency or with the ANPE as anything,but anything is better than sitting and moping around feeling sorry for yourself. I'm being hard on you to make you realise that life is what you make it and it won't come looking for you. Good luck in whatever you do and I hope you continue your desired life in France.

[Deimos]

This may sound like a really daft idea (so ignore it if it is) but I seem to remember that somewhere in another post you mentioned you had a setter which you enjoyed walking. One thing I have found helps get me “out-of-the-house” and meeting others is taking one of my dogs to agility (the thing where the dog rushes around leaping over, under, through, etc. obstacles). I go to my club once a week for a couple of house. Its all French people (who don’t speak English) and I speak virtually no French, but they are nice people, we manage and its great fun. The costs vary. You normally join the club for a year and then just go alone for free (i.e. you’ve paid your membership). I think mine was a little more expensive in the first year and the 2nd year was around €90 (from memory), but clubs will vary.

Most will let you go along (with your dog) to meet everybody, have a go and see how you get on, etc. without having to pay. You then join if you think its something you want to continue.

I believe there is a club at Amboise (Mme Nathalie Beauvais 02.47.57.49.14), but there are others around. If you want to have a go but Amboise is no good. Let me know and I will try to turn out some more.

I’m not trying to convince you that agility with your dog is great, but rather I find it a great reason to get out and meet others who are friendly. Whilst sometimes I find it “a bit of an effort” to go, I do tend to leave with lifted spirits (and the dog I take really loves it).

Only one idea and not the solution to everything but hope it helps a bit.

Ian

[Christine Animal]

It looks as if you’ve made some friends Steve, on this forum. Everyone has kind words, that’s positive, isn’t it? It is difficult for us all right at the beginning, seven months hardly seems time to have settled here, without thinking about going back. But only you can decide. As someone else said, life is what you make of it, and there is usually a light at the end of the tunnel if you keep heading for it. You seem to like animals and have recently done a very good deed in helping to save some and they are so far doing well. That’s positive!

Love, Christine

[Monika]

Have you read Carol Drinkwater's latest book: "The Olive Harvest", I think it helps to read of anothers struggle. In this book she is left by her husband to fend for herself. If you have not read it I could post it to you.

Monika 

[Missy]

[quote]well what to say , times are hard for me i have been living in the centre of france with my french partner for 7 months now. i sold my house boat in the uk to buy a small house with a wood here . I me...[/quote]

Sorry! You will call me a cynic... and I am, I fully accept it!

It does not seem that your relationship is that very strong. If your partner is a waiter, he will be working the most unsociable hours but through his work, he will have a fair degree of fun and banter with colleagues/customers which you are not sharing and from the way you are writing your post, you seem to mind the fact you have followed him to France and sacrifice your being together to his job.

I used to work in the catering/restaurant business many moons ago and when I met MOH it was hard to come out of it for all the fun but for the sake of the relationship I had to go...

Relocation, as others have said, is certainly not the solution for both of you. This same set up will follow you wherever in the world you will go. I think a good discussion about both of you and where it is all going, is more what you need...

If you are lonely, another solution for you could be to join him in his trade. Now that the summer is starting in France you should have plenty opportunities to find a job. It is also the best way to perfect your french as you will have a constant interaction with the public.

[james Mallett]

Try not too feel too down about it. 

We came over nearly three years ago with two VERY young children.  We gave it our best shot and tried to convince ourselves that everything in England was bad, but my husband has just returned to England for two weeks in the search of work and has been offered a job with a salary that you could never get in France. 

Sometimes when the dream becomes the reality you realise it isnt anything like you imagined it would be and its time to bite the bullet and go home.  Good luck whatever you do.  Personally, all this tranquility has bored me senseless for the last three years and I cant wait to go back to the North of England and get a Buger King and watch Corrie again.  Vive la Angleterre.

 

[james Mallett]

Try not too feel too down about it. 

We came over nearly three years ago with two VERY young children.  We gave it our best shot and tried to convince ourselves that everything in England was bad, but my husband has just returned to England for two weeks in the search of work and has been offered a job with a salary that you could never get in France. 

Sometimes when the dream becomes the reality you realise it isnt anything like you imagined it would be and its time to bite the bullet and go home.  Good luck whatever you do.  Personally, all this tranquility has bored me senseless for the last three years and I cant wait to go back to the North of England and get a Burger King and watch Corrie again.  Vive la Angleterre!!!!

 

[SaligoBay]

Personally, all this tranquility has bored me senseless for the last three years

And yet there is much entertainment to be had in France, Ant, if you only know where to look.  Try going to BricoDepot, pick up a shower curtain from the bargain bucket, clearly priced at one euro, then refuse to pay the 23 euros that the cashier rings up.    The best of eye-rolling, deep-sighing melodrama unfolds before you as she unwillingly sorts the problem out.   Coronation Street will seem tame in comparison.

And to keep your wits sharp, there's shopping in LeClerc, where a low price on the shelf may or may not have made it to the till, so you have to memorise the price of everything in your trolley, and check that it's the same when she passes it by the scanner.   Add extra challenge by forgetting to weigh your fruit and veg, then you get exercise by running back to the far end of the shop to do that, trying to get back before she puts, say, 10 overpriced items through the scanner.   If you approach it in the right frame of mind, it's probably not unlike doing the Crystal Maze.

And Burger King, when there are so many McDonalds opening up here?   Bet on where the next one will be.  Ours is near the new Ikea, so now we have the thrilling choice of...... IkeaBalls, McDo, or an all-you-can-eat-for-12-euros-if-you-like-self-service-microwaved-Asian-food, or an overpriced-American-wannabe-Route66.    Then you come onto the forum and upset people by telling them that eating out in France isn't what it used to be!

There you go, just a few ideas off the top of my head........

 

[opas]

SB, I am in shock! Ikea in cosmopolitan montpelier has opened? I must have missed the stampede as well as the news bulletin!

St Joans night is upon us again...last year I was horrified , all those lighted torches being carried by children just about capable of holding an ice lolly upright

And we must have come across the only shop assistant capable of lateral thought this week! We visited Leroy Merlin in Perps , among our purchases was an edging tile for the front steps(broken by our capable builders)....I didn`t know one needed a chitty from the vendor on that dept did I? so did the gaelic shrug and said I would get one next time.....pick yourselves up folks, the cashier does no more than pick up his phone and request a code and a price!

Life is great at the moment, the tomatoes are growing faster than I can feed them...come to think of it so are the girls we have had a DIY binge and all has turned out well....hold that statement, we have a self assembly wardrobe to make cette aprem , highest bidder gets the spare bits

Mrs O

[shas]

hi, I think 7mths is not long enough to really know if your going to be happy in France, I have now been here 3.5 years, and really only felt settled for the last year and a half. My husband has moved back to the uk permanantly, and I want nothing more than to stay here, even on my own, the main difficulty is finding employment, but it,s very easy to make friends, and this makes a big difference, I hope you feel different about it all in a few weeks..

[SaligoBay]

SB, I am in shock! Ikea in cosmopolitan montpelier has opened?

No, I think McDo have beaten them to it!   I haven't seen the new McDo, but son says it's an unusual shape, and almost aesthetically pleasing, given that it's a McDo.

The IKEA will be the standard yellow-and-blue box.  They're taking so long to build it, I wonder if the instructions were badly translated, or maybe there are some screws missing?

 

[Deby]

SB & Opas

Both your comments reallly made me laugh just what I needed.  Spent 3/4 hour on Friday in Geant trying to get served. Only six Cashiers were available on the checkouts, I was the only one who seemed worried about my other bits of shopping melting in the car outside.  Come to think of it, they have 30 Cashier Guichets in  Geant and I have never ever seen them full, wonder when that happens?

I stood there moaning and fretting about how high unemployment is in the area and there were only six cashiers available, I was given lots of gallic shrugs. Quelle surprise!

My butter was now liquid, the kids chocolate gouters were mush, my cream well and truly off, not too mention the sickly sweet smell of overripe bananas!!!

Tell me, is it me that has just taken a real interest in french politics, european rebates and 'non' votes at the moment or are we just having a bad year/tides are changing???

Deby

[Teamedup]

Deby, the last time they wouldn't open the checkouts and I was queueing like that I went down to the accueil and placed all my shopping on their counter, the lot, and off I waltzed with my empty chariot. The girl at the counter was just about screaming at me saying I couldn't do that, but I smiled sweetly and said if they couldn't be bothered to open tills to serve me, then I couldn't be bothered to buy.

 

[Ian Hoare<br>All the best<br>Ian<br>La Souvigne Corrèze<br>http:www.souvigne.com]

Hi TU.

You said:-

Deby, the last time they wouldn't open the checkouts and I was queueing like that I went down to the accueil and placed all my shopping on their counter, the lot, and off I waltzed with my empty chariot. The girl at the counter was just about screaming at me saying I couldn't do that, but I smiled sweetly and said if they couldn't be bothered to open tills to serve me, then I couldn't be bothered to buy.

Two - entirely opposite - comments.

1. Quite right. And you should have asked for a complaints form too!

2. If you buy in Stupormarkets, you are playing into the hands of the system that is destroying the French way of life. I'm not too sympathetic!!

(choose whichever reply makes you feel happy and fulfilled ;-))

And OP. No, it's not time to quit, it's time to learn French, get off your self pitying butt and DO something to make your life less boring. (He said- full of sympathy and the milk of human kindness).

[SaligoBay]

If you buy in Stupormarkets, you are playing into the hands of the system that is destroying the French way of life.

Just a little point - if you saw the number of French people in them, you'd know that supermarkets ARE the French way of life!!     France is second only to the USA in its passion for supermarkets.

So tell us about your charmed life, Mr H, that you can avoid them?  You either don't use toilet roll, or you send the servants to do your shopping for you? 

 

 

[Miki]

B u g g e r, I won't sleep now....

So my family and I (how regal does that sound eh !)are systematically destroying the very essence of French life. But in our weak defence, we are only following a well worn path in seeking cheaper suppliers than Monsieur Arkwright's emporium can offer. So for us, it is now a tossup between 10 or more supermarkets within 15 minutes, all tempting us with wonderful promos, and in colour too, how can one resist ?

So if I am partly to blame for killing off "La vie française" I shall then only admit to using one supermarket and let those (mostly French I think)that use the others get the blame for killing off a greater proportion of French life than I.

There I feel better now but I shall seek out another way of purchasing said toilet rolls, tomato soups, beers, shandies and probably just about all our weekly needs. Don't wait up for me, I might be gone a while........

Blige me SB for a minute I thought you were going to say something else ;

SB "...You either don't use toilet roll, or you send the servants to do your...."