pre-teens drinking alcohol at family events

[Lori]

Just had to find out if this is an issue elsewhere.

Last night was the end of year dinner at the Ecole Primaire where my daughter goes to school. This is her last year before going to college. We have gone every year.

This year, however, we noticed something different. We chose our seats next to our friends and others sat at the same long buffet type table, beside us.

As is customary, Sangria was served as an apperitif, with the usual toast, chips, etc. Just before dinner was to be served, a bottle of red and a bottle of rose wines were put around the tables. There were several pre-teen boys sitting with the group next to us. I know most of these boys, but there was one I did not know. The parents were DIRECTLY beside these kids. The one boy, sitting right beside my husband began sneaking the wine to his glass and gulping it down. The kis were being served sirup de grenadine, so something reddish in the glass probably didn't look that odd at first glance. However, he continued drinking the bottle (which was white and it was obvious it was being emptied. The other boys snuck a quick taste, but didn't appear to like it and stopped. They told the boy he was going to get drunk. He said nothing and continued drinking the wine until there was maybe 100 ml left in the bottle. This was all in a matter of 10 or 15 minutes !! Clearly he was trying to show off in front of his peers. However, I do not understand these parents. They were RIGHT THERE !

I looked over at the boy and told him, you are going to get sick. He said oh no I won't.

The evening continued. He could hardly walk, was stumbling all over the place.

He then came back when dinner was served and discussed with his friends how they were to go to each table where people were up mingling (not his words) and drink their wine. If caught, they were to say they knocked it over and spilled it by mistake. !!!!!!!

Next, the boy was out in the street vomitting. He came back to him MOM and all the kids told her he was vomitting. She said - okay, well now, you should feel better !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I losing my mind or is this just plain nuts ??? The boy went back into the street to continue vomitting. His father then went out to check on him and he was not seen again that night.

Sorry, but this really bugged me. Do you see this too?

[Tourangelle]

No, I've never seen this, but I remember a couple of years ago going to a ski resort (which is by the by) and being really really shocked to see a whole family smoking in a restaurant including the kids, the youngest of whom must have been about 13. I was really upset by that, it just seemed so wrong to me, my husband said that was just the way it was in some families in France (he's French).

Perhaps the fact that the boy disappeared with his father suggests all was not well? It seem really sad to me. Is this family values of an earlier post?

[Teamedup]

I've seen kids be allowed alcahol from a  young age. I remember the school doctor came to a conseil de l'ecole for primary school and gave a little lecture that there wasn't a village in her catchement area as bad as ours for children being given alcahol. We are the only village with viticulteurs though in her catchement too, or so one of the teachers told her, which is true. This was duly noted on the minutes that were sent out to the parents. It didn't seem to change anything though.

And smoking. We were out a couple of months ago, seems like it should be longer as it was very cold that night.......how last winter went on and on. There was a couple both smoking and a little girl, a toddler. The girl ran towards the road and the maman called her back telling her that is was dangerous. Maman had her cigarette held down by her leg and the little girl walked along with it practically in her face. I don't know whether she heard me mumbling 'cherie, don't run onto the road and get killed quickly, come, you can stand next to Mamam and I'll poison you slowly'.  At which point Papa stood on the other side of the petite fille and had his clope down by his leg too, so the poor kid was getting a double dose as they all walked along in what from the back looked like a lovely little family group.

I've seen this in other countries too, not just France. It makes me so annoyed. I don't want anyone's second hand smoke and I don't believe that any parent has a right to poison their kid.

[Iceni]

Sometimes, letting the little chaps get really smashed and very sick is the quickest way to stop them doing it again - when I was small I loved my little drink which was the smallest glass you could think off with a splash of cherry brandy and a splash of advocat (plums and custard we called it). I was a little older when I drank the first and then conned other family members to give me another and another - I was sick and I never tried that again. You can sometimes tell them again and again but they just do it behind your back, being there to pickup the pieces and give them support in NOT DOING IT AGAIN can lead to a change in attitude. I would think papa was really amused at having his evening ruined...

The smoking I really cannot understand as I would not understand if this was a regular occurrence with this lad and they really were not doing anything. Youngest we have so far seen was a baby of about 18 months who was being allowed a sip of champers.

In the UK some years ago a lad of about 6 or 7 died after coming down early one morning over the Christmas period and just drinking the dregs out of the glasses left on the table, on an empty stomach it was enough to give him alcoholic poisoning.

[Lori]

I've heard of parents giving their kids the occasional taste of something to take away the taboo.. This was not the case. This boy was out of control, going from table to table drinking the wine. It could not have gone unnoticed, but it went unchecked. It seemed to me that this was not the first time this boy had done this.

I feel sorry for the boy as he has started what will probably cause him big troubles in life. I feel extremely angry at the parents for allowing a downhill cycle to start at such a young age. I am also angry with the teachers and staff (who HAD to see what was going on - this is a small school) and did nothing about it. There must be some sort of liability there, but I guess no one wanted to "cause a scene." Really sad.

I must say it was a wake-up call for the mother of a child entering college in September.

[Richard-R]

When i was a young boy i was always given a glass of wine at dinner. A splash in the bottom, topped off with fizzy water. This was from about the age of 10 onwards. Seems a common practice also in France. There idea being at 'booze' is a social componant of life and not just a liquid to make you fall down and throw up.

[Renaud]

My parents always let their children have a tiny amount of alcohol do drink with them at meals or celebrations should they want it. It reinforced the attitude that one should drink socially in moderation. My father had a French mother.

I think that had the binge drinking teenagers of today had this introduction they might be following a different path.

Mind you, my daughters (21 & 17) are strictly teetotal - "We don't want to grow up to be like you".

[timc17]

We have french friends in our village who actually buy their 15 year old daughter cigarettes on the premise that she will not take drugs but were quite surprised we let our children have small quantities of alcohol on special occasions.

The father chain-smokes but is only ever allowed three glasses of whisky a night by madame much to our amusement. Getting drunk seems to be more of a taboo here than smoking which is the opposite to the UK.

 

tim

[Ejc]

We have a bottle of wine with Sunday dinner - and our youngest who is now 9 has a small watered glass of wine, his older brothers (18 & 22) do not like wine very much and will have a beer. We feel that this galss of watered wine is an intergral part of a family occasion.

[Missy]

[quote]Just had to find out if this is an issue elsewhere. Last night was the end of year dinner at the Ecole Primaire where my daughter goes to school. This is her last year before going to college. We h...[/quote]

Maybe the mother by her doing nothing, was trying to teach the child a lesson!

Now that he has been drunk, sick as a dog and possibly the laugh of the school, he is not in a hurry to repeat his mistake!

As a youngster, we did have alcohol served to us under strict conditions. It was always 1/4 wine to 3/4 water for the Sunday family lunch. An occasional small 'panaché' on hot summers day at my grandparents. My first drink was on my 18th birthday with friends to celebrate and remember not liking the side effect of the morning-after-the-night-before! in the least!!

Alcohol and youngsters is a real minefield! Doesn't matter how well you think you have the problem under control.

I know only too well with my son. He got expelled from school (aged 13/14 in UK 3rd form) for a 14night for possessing a 1/4 of vodka! How did he come to have it?... Mystery... The headmaster did not wish to dwell more on the subject as he already had severly punished the child before we were called to collect him from school!

What on earth was my son trying to do?... I thought that in a boarding school the kids would be unable to do this kind of thing! How naive I was!...

Once home, he had a really good think about his misdemeanour and returned to school with much apprehension... Certain privileges were definitely still out of bound for him until the end of the school year, which was a good 6/7 months away. Somehow the headmaster must have liked him and acknowledge his efforts to redeemed himself because in his Upper6th year, the headmaster made him a house prefect!

Ah well! No more drinking problems and my lad thought that was a good lesson! Now he is 23! and has learnt to his chagrin that too much going out and the kind of student life (which pushes them in overdraft at the blink of an eye!...) has nearly cost him his degree! When will he learn!

Needless to say that my OH has had an apopletic fit over this and the size of the overdraft!

Some consolation his sister is a vowed tea-totaller!.. She did not even want a glass of champagne for her 18th birthday!... Or is she?.....I'll have to wait and see, unless she is more clever than her brother about it! ...

[Jill<br><br>Jill (99)]

I have French friends in various parts of France and in the case of one particular family I've seen the 7 to 17 year olds of 1976 become the parents of the same age group in 2005. Alcohol was never encouraged, although, being Norman, watered down cider was allowed. These particular friends regard us as the boozers! But at a recent get together when we were the hosts at a Gite in France, they were critical of their 14/15 year old smoking, but said they couldn't stop him - they themselves having recently given up smoking.

I think there is a variation both in France and England. My children have been allowed a liqueur glass of sherry on Christmas Day since they were about 5 and a drop of wine on special occasions. We have occasionally allowed them to have a taste of beer or wine if we were drinking it. Based on the French mentality we were aware of from friends who had visited us and acting as hosts for sejour linguistiques, we felt it was best for our children to taste alcohol occasionally and develop a healthy attitude to drink, as none of the French children we have accommodated or who I have been responsible for (as the British end of the linguistic association) have drunk alcohol. However, it didn't work particularly well as my 14 and 17 year olds have a particular taste for red wine and in my daughter's case - real ale. However, they are not going out and getting drunk. At parties, my daughter has had red wine and - let's say - not let herself down. Whereas others have become out of control on alcopops. So at least some sort of control has been kept up. I think there is more danger in alcopops as people don't realise how much they are getting through.

As for smoking - it is a worry - being married to a smoker and realising just what that has cost us over the years. My children proclaim that they detest smoke and I hope they will stick with that.

I definately believe that the French generally discourage alcohol more than the English do though.